How did I not realise my son was different?

Thanks Longman, I'l have a nosey.

Regarding support, check the little red and pink maps on the home and community pages of NAS. This allows you to search for services in your area. It sometimes comes up with London first even if you are searching Lands End, but just scroll down until you find something.

If there isn't something near, try the nearest available, as they may be able to point you to informal or less well publicised services nearer you. Also a parents group, even if it is thirty miles away, could still help, even if you would only want to visit once in a long while.

Hi Jenny, I was odd too, so just assumed my poor son had spent too much time with his silly mum.  :)

I have managed to borrow the Tony Attwood book from the library and it has a lot of useful information and ideas in it, so I shall probably buy a copy to keep.

The pratitioner who tested my daughter said there is no support in my location, and she said the best thing to do was to read and look on the internet for information that could help.  So I am going to read as much as I can, so thank you for the reading suggestions Classic Codger and Longman.

From what I have read and found out so far, I have been surprised too at how many of the traits I have too, though in my younger days I was seen more as 'the odd one out' and nothing was ever done about it.   But it gives me a bit of understanding as to how my daughter could feel.

I think the understanding of ASD has changed a lot over the years, and I think you should be able to get the help you need from your boy's school ChewChew.

Thank you all

I have also ordered 'Aspergers for Dummies' from the library, and wondered what the thoughts were on this book?

Hi Longman, thanks for that, I will check Amazon.

Kind regards.

Another book that might help is "Martian in the playground - understanding the schoolchild with Asperger's syndrome" by Clare Sainsbury. Although first published in 2000 it still has currency and useful insights - Lucky Duck Publishing Ltd ISBN 1 873 942 08 7 - this code will help a bookshop or library identify it.

It covers things like travelling to school, the playground and the dinner queue as well as what happens in classrooms.

A lot has been written since about aspergers in the classroom but this book is readable and easier to identify with than a lot of books.

Hi Classic Codger, I will look out for that book, see if I can make my son's life easier.

Thanks for your help and kindness.  I hope it is not too late for me to improve my situation too, but obviously my kid come first.

Thanks again.

Hi Jenny, I have a meeting next week at my son's school so will see what can be done then.

It's good that the school are accommodating your daughter's needs, I was really lacking in support during my last year and went from being predicted As and A*s in my GCSEs, to getting barely Cs and Ds, although I had a very unstable homelife and there wasn't much the school could have done about that.

Thank god that there is more help availible for kids these days.

On recommendation from my assessor, Dr Trevor Powell, I got a copy of Tony Attwood's 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome'.

It's interesting I suppose, and I have looked things up in there just to see what he says about Homo Aspie from a Homo Sapiens point of view. It certainly helped early on after my diagnosis, when I started to relive my life (some intense reflection there, I have to say) with the guidance of the book. It helped me to understand my life from a different point of view, and that in turn has helped me to come to terms with who I am, and, as it turns out, always was...

I've had lots of support and insight from talking to people on here - and I think that it's probably better for me from a functional point of view, to be able to talk to others who live, rather than observe, the condition. I also like feeding in to these threads to try and help. It's a bit late in my life (it can't change the experience of the last 60 years) but that just makes me more keen to help others whose life is still to come.

There's a lot of good information available online, but having browsed them, I'd avoid any that are American. Their approach often seems scattered, opinionated, and disunited, and compared to Tony Attwood, uninformed and uncaring. For instance, I read the other day that Aspies don't ever get married and never ever have children - the writer knew of ONE exception to her rule. It was just about as offensive an article that I could have read. Feel free to look, but be prepared for a load of waffle and boy cow poo.

There's some good recommendations here on the NAS site, and have you checked out this site, which has a link from here?

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk

Our young need help in many ways, and we must do our best for them so that their life experience is better than the often quite cruel one we seniors have endured. That's what I think.

Wish I'd had a Mum and a school like ChewChew's little one *wistful sigh*

hi ChewChew

It sounds like your son's school should be able to help and support him, and they will know there is a reason for his behaviour now, and I hope he goes on OK.

My daughter was often late for school and eventually I realised it was the noise and crowds at the start of the day that were upsetting her, and she was going as late as possible to try to avoid them.  So although she hasn't a diagnosis yet, the school are allowing her to go in ten minutes later to avoid the early morning stresses, and that seems to be helping.

Although she is waiting for a diagnosis the practitioner who did the tests said that it looked like she was on the spectrum, but testing wasn't really neccessary, and that there is no support in our area anyway.  I discussed this with my daughter and we decided it was a good idea to be tested as it would help her, me, and other people understand her behaviour better, and find ways to try to help her.

Looking back I can see lots of times when concerns should have been raised but there were always other reasons put forward because of other life events.

It's a good idea to have someone at the school who you can talk to about what is happening, and as it was the school that mentioned concerns with your son, I should think you will have a contact that you can talk to?

all the best for you and your son for the future

Thanks for your reply, Jenny.  The school have to take the credit for his quick diagnosis, but however it happened I'm glad.

I hope that your daughter finds her life more easy to cope withafter getting diagnosed.  My younger sister has aspergers, which was diagnosed when she was 14, but like with my son, she never rang any alarm bells for me.  Mind you, we have different mums so I didn't see as much of her as I would like.  I hope the diagnosis being late won't impact too badly on her. x

I am waiting for my own confirmation of diagnosis for autism and ADHD and am wondering if this will be a help or hinderance in helping my son with his development.  I suppose, at least I will be in a good place to understand him.

Good luck to you and your daughter for the future. x

My daughter is nearly 16 and awaiting diagnosis, and over the years I have always just seen her as 'my lovely daughter' with her quirky ways and differences.

I became more concerned when she started senior school a few years ago, when her social anxieties and sensory issues became more of a problem, and episodes of depression and rages led to her being seen by a mental health practitioner for the first time last year, but she only got tested recently.

My daughter has been well behaved at school, apart from lateness, but it is at home that she gets in rages over things.  So I guess the senior school wouldn't have been aware in my case.  Though primary school did notice some issues but just said she should grow out of them, but she never really did.

So I don't think it is always easy to tell at a young age, so don't worry about not knowing sooner.  

You have done well to get a diagnosis at the age of 6.

Take care.

Jenny

Thanks for your nice reply.  Apologies if any of the terminology I've/I am using is upsetting to anyone, I am trying to figure out what is what at the moment.

I am lucky that my son is in the school he is.  My mum and sister have tried many times to get me to change his school because of the amount of times he is pulled up about his behaviour (mum and sister think the school have been singling him out), but I'm glad I stuck with it as I have felt all along that they were looking after his interests (even if it has at times felt like they were assuming the worst of my part in his behaviour).

I'm looking forward to working with the school to make my son's time there more enjoyable and positive.

If you have any suggestions for good books to read (as there seem to be so many) please let me know.

Kind regards. 

It sounds like you have lovely schools where you are!

Your son is an ASD person, NOT a person with ASD. We keep hearing 'high functioning' as it pertains to ASD, but personally, I hate the term and its' implied patronising connotations.

I passed a Mensa test - does that make me 'high functioning'? The professional view is that it doeas, whereas my view is that the test itself was rubbish. Two very different views, see? One from an Aspie, one from a non-Aspie. There are two sides to every story...

Don't let any other person's view lead you away from his very real difficulties and needs, they are as particular to him alone as his skills and achievements, and you are best placed to understand both.

Are you a qualified psychologist? Is there any other reason why you would stop being a Mum for a moment and start appraising your child like a laboratory subject? Of course not! If he hasn't particularly given you cause for concern, why on earth would you be looking for ANYTHING? You are quite right - everyone has 'quirks', everyone is 'different', and whatever they're like, we accept people 'as they are'.

You have nothing to feel bad about, unless you have maliciously and with forethought deliberately made a happy little boy, in which case I sentence you to carry on being the good Mum you obviously are.

I want to encourage you to stop dwelling on a past that you can't change, and instead use the energy towards a future which you can certainly shape! You have nothing at all to feel guilty about, unless you're enjoying it!