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How did I not realise my son was different?

ChewChew

Hi,

Sorry if a similar issue has been raised before.

My son is 6 and since he started nursery his teachers have been telling me that his behaviour is a bit out of the ordinary and that they thought there was something different about him and the way he acts.  I was adamant for a long time he was, for want of a better word, "normal" and only in the last 6 months have I agreed to the assessment.

He has come back as autistic (high functioning), and I seperately have been screened as high functioning and ADHD by a psychologist although I have to wait a long time for a diagnostic appointment for myself.

From hearing other peoples' struggles with getting their doctors to agree to a diagnosis for their child, not only do I feel grateful that the school pushed me to get my son assessed, but I am also worried that I didn't see anything "strange" or different with him myself.  Yes, he has quirks, but isn't everyone different?

I am his mum so surely I should have noticed that he was different.  I feel bad because I have been quite hard on him in regards to his bad behaviour at school (although he is lively, but manageable at home) and maybe all this time I should have just understood him more.

Has anyone elses' child diagnosis come the same way as mine?  It seems I am in the minority for not realising myself.  Sorry this is really long.

Parents

  • It sounds like you have lovely schools where you are!

    Your son is an ASD person, NOT a person with ASD. We keep hearing 'high functioning' as it pertains to ASD, but personally, I hate the term and its' implied patronising connotations.

    I passed a Mensa test - does that make me 'high functioning'? The professional view is that it doeas, whereas my view is that the test itself was rubbish. Two very different views, see? One from an Aspie, one from a non-Aspie. There are two sides to every story...

    Don't let any other person's view lead you away from his very real difficulties and needs, they are as particular to him alone as his skills and achievements, and you are best placed to understand both.

    Are you a qualified psychologist? Is there any other reason why you would stop being a Mum for a moment and start appraising your child like a laboratory subject? Of course not! If he hasn't particularly given you cause for concern, why on earth would you be looking for ANYTHING? You are quite right - everyone has 'quirks', everyone is 'different', and whatever they're like, we accept people 'as they are'.

    You have nothing to feel bad about, unless you have maliciously and with forethought deliberately made a happy little boy, in which case I sentence you to carry on being the good Mum you obviously are.

    I want to encourage you to stop dwelling on a past that you can't change, and instead use the energy towards a future which you can certainly shape! You have nothing at all to feel guilty about, unless you're enjoying it! Smile

Reply

  • It sounds like you have lovely schools where you are!

    Your son is an ASD person, NOT a person with ASD. We keep hearing 'high functioning' as it pertains to ASD, but personally, I hate the term and its' implied patronising connotations.

    I passed a Mensa test - does that make me 'high functioning'? The professional view is that it doeas, whereas my view is that the test itself was rubbish. Two very different views, see? One from an Aspie, one from a non-Aspie. There are two sides to every story...

    Don't let any other person's view lead you away from his very real difficulties and needs, they are as particular to him alone as his skills and achievements, and you are best placed to understand both.

    Are you a qualified psychologist? Is there any other reason why you would stop being a Mum for a moment and start appraising your child like a laboratory subject? Of course not! If he hasn't particularly given you cause for concern, why on earth would you be looking for ANYTHING? You are quite right - everyone has 'quirks', everyone is 'different', and whatever they're like, we accept people 'as they are'.

    You have nothing to feel bad about, unless you have maliciously and with forethought deliberately made a happy little boy, in which case I sentence you to carry on being the good Mum you obviously are.

    I want to encourage you to stop dwelling on a past that you can't change, and instead use the energy towards a future which you can certainly shape! You have nothing at all to feel guilty about, unless you're enjoying it! Smile

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