Parents of children with suspected asd/traits

Yeas we play eye spy,homework sometimes can be more trouble than its worth,he will end up having a huge meltdown over it.

Eye spy actually is funny,he makes me laugh when he does it,because it often does not follow the rules! lol

We were in the doctors last week and we were playing eye spy and this lady was smiling at him and giving him clues! then it was his turn,for the life of me i could not get it! his answer was old granny! she diddnt look at him again!

It sounds as though you are already trying very hard :-)

There may be some activities that might catch his imagination and occupy him. I'm thinking along the lines of puzzle books, reading, doing homework for school, drawing. It may be that he can get absorbed in something like that. i.e. something that is more about mental challenge and stimulation than about physical exercise. Do you play "I-spy" wih him?

Thanks recombined,i think i need too try harder xxx

"people" is the best one word description for autism. He will find them baffling, inconsistent, irrational, harsh and just plain difficult to handle.

Hi we do use ear defenders sometimes,the trouble with him is he continously moves things, so when you need them you can find them,or i forget, ihave asked him now to leave them by the front door.

We do go out a lot usually,here there and everywhere,i take him for runs to try and rid some energy,that backfires sometimes though,weve gone on long bike rides,i have killed myself in the past trying to keep him busy all the time.

He enjoys maths at school and ict,however maths does not come natrually to him and hes only just started enjoying it.

We are in the process of cutting out sugar,i cant pin point other foods that dont help if you know what i mean.

I have spoken to him asking him what makes him feel angry and he says people! like his brother and friends at school who wont let him play,but there is more to it than that i know.

Oh, one more thing,

Does he like reading? Does he go to the public library? Does he like going to the museum? What does he like doing in his spare time? What are his favourite subjects at school?

Another suggestion...

Have you tried giving him ear defenders or well enclosed headphones? I have had periods where noise in cafes particularly from the espresso machines was absolutely unbearable. This has subsided a lot recently but I still have to wear noise cancelling earphones at work to stop the noise from the open plan office with all of the chatter and photocpying machines etc from getting on my nerves. I now understand that this is again linked to my ASD condition. I am more comfortable now as I can control this by putting on the headphones and knowing that I am more sensitive about noise but knowing that I can take control of it when I need to.

I have the same aversion to meds. My father (who in hindsight I'm sure had Aspergers) was under the doctor for depression for years and the drugs never sorted him out.

It sounds as though his whole life, school and home, is driving him to distraction! It must be awful for him as well as everyone else mustn't it? Have you asked him how he feels and if he knows what winds him up? If you want to get on top of the situation I think you need to put yourself in his shoes and try and imagine how it feels for him. This will be really hard for you. I expect you know the saying about women being from venus and men coming from Mars, it seems to me that ASD people come from the dark side of Mars it does feel like we are on a foreign planet sometimes where nobody understands us at all. You made a comment in an earlier post about how he is expressionless. This is standard for an ASD child so you will really have to ask him and give him plenty of time to work out his response.

In my personal experience a trigger event will push me over the edge into rage/meltdown but it will be the preceding days or weeks of frustration and stress that keeps turning the screws until I finally encounter the straw that breaks the camels back. My experience comes from 56 years of being an undiagnosed aspie - I was diagnosed earlier this year + experience of bringing up boys so I think I can see a few sides to your problems. I have a lot of experience to examine in hindsight and I am now just starting to make sense of it. I have had a lot of help from others on this forum - sometimes it is like looking at a mirror as I can see events in my own life being played out elsewhere by people who are all struggling to make sense of it all.

I have a few thoughts about possible sources of distraction and stress for him.

He has an aversion for shops. This could be from a bad experience or it could be down to something like the fluorescent lighting that they use. I have a colleague at work who can't stand our regular office lighting - it drove her batty for years until someone came in and suggested that she moved desk and she now sits next to a window so is much less affected and is much happier. Some people benefit from special tinted spectacles. I heard someone saying that this may be because red light gets processed more by the right hand side of the brain while blue light is handled by the left hand side. Some people swear by their special glasses so I think this is worth investigating.

The second suggestion is around his diet. I read your early description of his discomfort as a baby/toddler. A lot of people with ASD suffer from dietary problems. Personally I have now worked out that I can't cope with apples, tomatoes, strawberries and a lot of other fruit and veg. I have changed my diet so that I eat pears instead of apples, I eat well cooked carrots, parsnips, cabbage etc and am feeling better for the change.

I dont think i would ever go on meds anyway,my father suffers manic depression and i have saw what they do to him.

I have nowehere else to send my son as my mother is an alchy,my father has manic depression and my sister has enough on her plate,i moved a hundred miles away to get away from them all.

Last year we ended up at casulty with my other boy,because asd boy is that bad,the other ended up having a massive panic attack.

I did go to the cahms 6 week course for parents with asd/traits children, and the main point from that was to avoid triggers,even when i do its no different,well it is a little.

School have been brilliant,but for reasons i cannot disclose i dont want to be to pushy,i do think that school is an issue,him holding it together.

He really hurt me lastnight,i had to restrain him so he diddnt hurt anyone else.

its crazy isnt it?

You definitely need help with working out how to establish a home environment that is calmer and more managable. I think you need to get to the GP on Monday and make it clear that you are in a desparate situation. Someone mentioned that you might get some medication but I think this is the last thing you need. You will be less in control if you are on meds.

Can you get your other son to go to a relative or friends house so that you can spend some time one to one with your ASD son? If he has some dedicated and calm time with you then you may be able to break his habit of kicking off all of the time.

I may use the online shopping system too.

Unfortunately he is the source of the noise,it does not take much for him to have a go at my other son,then they end up fighting,sometimes its not even that,sometimes it just hime having a meltdown,when he goes off on one he goes off on one.

Like about 10 mins ago,he went up after having a meltdown because he wants a dummy for bedtime,hes not had one for a few years, but he was insistant he wanted one and then went off on one.

He broke his brother samsung galaxy tab this evening!

Sometimes,no not sometimes,most times he comes home from school and kicks off all night,i presume this is his coping stategy for keeping himself in check all day at school,then he comes home and its like all hell lets loose.

I have been thinking of getting him a sturdy dark den,where i can take him when hes on one. i may put it in our bedroom.

Have you tried any of the supermarkets' internet shopping home delivery services? We used this quite a lot when the kids were at home.

How old are your other boys? Do they understand anything about helping to keep things quieter and calmer in the house?

What is the noise issue? If the noise is bad enough to worry about eviction then it will be absolutely unbrearable for the one with ASD. Is he the source of the noise or do they all wind each other up? Do you have anywhere quiet to take him to calm him down?

Yep its shopping,its always shopping,its hellish, i just dont know where to go next or what to do,what can i do? i know hes on the spetrum,yes i doubt myself sometimes its natrual,school knows hes on the spectrum.

christmas ic comming up too,routines change,and hes also moved up from infants to juniors so everything goes to pott.

Ive started writing things down,everything that happens, so that hopefully the pead will take note.

One of the ways i could ease the pressurre is to pack my job in,however i would not have much to live on and couldnt really afford it.

I always have it in the back of my mind that we will get evicted because of the noise,its horredous!

I have made a start this evening,because i know it cannot go on like this,by sending an email to my nearest local nas and hopefully they can point me in the right direction.

Thanks for responding xx

Glad to hear that things are calmer and that you are getting some help with the social communication issues. :-)

Do you think that the shopping trip wound him up? I remember going shopping with my kids and it was often a very stressful experience all round. ASD kids will likely get even more stessed and wound up than non-ASD kids by going shopping.

And thanks peoples,its just nice to let it all out sometimes,and having someone listen to you xxxxx

He has calmed down now thanks recombined socks,its just very difficult sometimes,i need to sort this,,the last week or so i have been writing his behaviour down, hopefully when i go and see the pead next time she will listen,the gp is good,she got us the referal to cahms,who had to discharge us after 6 weeks as i got what i asked for and that was some support! and strategies! so they put me on a course with other parents of children who have asd/traits.

We have to go on a socail communication course soon as salt has said he has socail communication difficulties,and said he has limited eye contact and there were other things he struggled with on the salt assesment,although for some things i think he was above average.

I find it a real real struggle to work and then come home and manage my son,i did move from my last postion hoping things would be easier however they are getting harder.

I just needed to sound off,i would never put him in a home,i love him too much, its just so bloody hard at times.

It sounds like you need help urgently. Can you get through the weekend and get to the GP on Monday?

No we dont have any support,we go talk to the peadatrician every 4 months ansd thats it,from school today he tried running across a busy road.

We went shopping come back and hes gone absolutely wild,yanked lots of my hair out,scratched my face,punched me and been awful.

I have cried my eyes out this evening,the way he has been this evening i feel like putting him ina home! i come home from a hard day at work to put up with abuse from my 7 year old child.

I have tears streaming down my eyes as i type.

Hi - neither your son or you should have to be going thru this.  Those in authority should be ashamed of treating other human beings in need of assistance in such a way.  I'd go to the GP, explain about the need to get a formal assessment, explore the options. Try to get the GP well + truly onside so you must tell him/her about how you are as well.  As you'll know, if you can get a diagnosis then other help shd follow.  You have to keep on at it, however hard it is.  And, from the sound of your post, it is indeed v hard for both of you.  Have you any other support?  It is ridiculous that you may end up ill and/or on meds because you have been let down by the system.  Also check out the home pg for advice about diagnosis/statementing etc or the ipsea site.  Someone needs to take some of the pressure off for you + your son.  Are there any charitable organisations in your area who cd be helpful?  I really feel for you.  Many yrs ago I felt I was getting nowhere + nearly gave up.  Someone asked me if I'd done absolutely everything I cd possibly do, which made me think.  I realised I hadn't + threatened the local education authority with all sorts, inc going to the secretary of state if necessary.  In the end I got there.  I think in some areas of the country it's worse than it's ever been.   Chin up.