Published on 12, July, 2020
What do you do? i am fed up, i know i have wrote about this before, however i really am fed up, i think my son is struggling with the change from infants to juniors in school,his behaviour is worst than ever.
Every single night we are having meltdowns,as we always have but worst than ever.
My son is 7 we have no diagnoses,but there is plenty to suspect he has mild asd, sorry high functioning.
I have tried talking to school,however because of circumstances that are way beyond schools control and mine i would rather not mither. But have tried,but again without going into detail which i cant say its rather tricky.
I am not eating,not sleeping brilliantly,having headaches daily and genreally feeling wretched and i think its all through the sheer stress of having to be constantly on alert,not having much of a break,in fact no break what so ever.
I try as much as i can to avoid his triggers and yet we still have a lot of behaviours.
This week hes been begging me to tell school he wont be going to church,he says its too noisy and boring?
Everything is constant,theres no break.
I have tried eating a little more today,i need to put some weight on,i need to do this for me,i need to be well,i am fed up with being on the verge of tears all the time.
A teacher in school a few months ago before september decided in her good wisdom to remove him from the sen register as he copes well in school, and he had all the help he needed, then it all went,i wasnt happy because i knew it wasnt right and i spoke to the senco she said he should be on it, why? i question myself so many times as a parent is it me? am i doing a terrible job?
Weve been in the system since my son was 2/3,seeing speech therapists,seing the audiologist who gave us a leaflet on hypercussis,seeing the pead, i am at the point now where i think whats the point?
I absolutely love my son too bits,i dont know what im trying to say,i just feel the need to vent. xxx
I have the same aversion to meds. My father (who in hindsight I'm sure had Aspergers) was under the doctor for depression for years and the drugs never sorted him out.
It sounds as though his whole life, school and home, is driving him to distraction! It must be awful for him as well as everyone else mustn't it? Have you asked him how he feels and if he knows what winds him up? If you want to get on top of the situation I think you need to put yourself in his shoes and try and imagine how it feels for him. This will be really hard for you. I expect you know the saying about women being from venus and men coming from Mars, it seems to me that ASD people come from the dark side of Mars it does feel like we are on a foreign planet sometimes where nobody understands us at all. You made a comment in an earlier post about how he is expressionless. This is standard for an ASD child so you will really have to ask him and give him plenty of time to work out his response.
In my personal experience a trigger event will push me over the edge into rage/meltdown but it will be the preceding days or weeks of frustration and stress that keeps turning the screws until I finally encounter the straw that breaks the camels back. My experience comes from 56 years of being an undiagnosed aspie - I was diagnosed earlier this year + experience of bringing up boys so I think I can see a few sides to your problems. I have a lot of experience to examine in hindsight and I am now just starting to make sense of it. I have had a lot of help from others on this forum - sometimes it is like looking at a mirror as I can see events in my own life being played out elsewhere by people who are all struggling to make sense of it all.
I have a few thoughts about possible sources of distraction and stress for him.
He has an aversion for shops. This could be from a bad experience or it could be down to something like the fluorescent lighting that they use. I have a colleague at work who can't stand our regular office lighting - it drove her batty for years until someone came in and suggested that she moved desk and she now sits next to a window so is much less affected and is much happier. Some people benefit from special tinted spectacles. I heard someone saying that this may be because red light gets processed more by the right hand side of the brain while blue light is handled by the left hand side. Some people swear by their special glasses so I think this is worth investigating.
The second suggestion is around his diet. I read your early description of his discomfort as a baby/toddler. A lot of people with ASD suffer from dietary problems. Personally I have now worked out that I can't cope with apples, tomatoes, strawberries and a lot of other fruit and veg. I have changed my diet so that I eat pears instead of apples, I eat well cooked carrots, parsnips, cabbage etc and am feeling better for the change.