Really struggling with cleaning/ household tasks

I have just had a diagnosis of apsergers (with a fair amount of adhd traits too) at 38. I have a long history of depression and anxety. I am struggling most with executive functioning and it is the adhd traits that seem to be causing my the most problems at the moment. I have struggled for so long with keeping my house clean and uncluttered. My house is full of clutter and I am a huge procrastinator, have very low motivation and even if I do actually manage to do some housework I get distracted or can't seem to  do it for long. I get over whelmed by everything that needs to be done but also seem to have an issue with just doing a little bit at a time. 

I have been criticised by my husband and my parents for so long as they just couldn't understand why I found it all so difficult. I wish I could employ a cleaner and someone to help me organise things but I don't have the money. 

Any adivce woulde be much appreciated. I was only diagnosed last week and am still getting my head around it all. 

  • I'm glad you gained something positive from it. Sometimes such things can lead to interesting facts and information, even if it is useless, learning is more often than not fun... I like Atlanta, interesting history, beautiful scenery... fascinating wildlife. 

    A snake I saw when visiting relatives last year (I didn't stick around to find out what type of snake it was).

    Nice to know you Number...see you around.

  • I agree with all you say........and yet...... I have enjoyed learning a little about Alpharetta, GA as a result of this spam.  Ironically, this company has a Data Centre AND a Verizon corporate office building on the other side of the road to their cleaning business......I'm sure there is no connection....but an interesting coincidence.

    I have also learnt that there are a lot of tress in that corner of Atlanta.  I do like to learn, even if it is broadly  pointless information!!

  • Lol i feel that way with spammy bots sometimes too. This ones timing is a bit out...8 years too late. 

    I was on an writing forum last year and that suddenly had an invasion of bots that seemed to manifest mysteriously overnight. I like the internet but bots are a pain. Sorry to see they exist here. 

  • When I see this type of spam bot, I am always a little bit tempted to make contact with (in this case, Atlanta commercial cleaning services) to mess with their heads a bit, in a thoroughly UK autistic way.  Thankfully, I'm always too "cba" to fall foul of that petty temptation.......but, maybe one day....?!

  • I can totally relate to the overwhelm of trying to keep up with household chores, especially with ADHD in the mix. It can feel like an uphill battle with no end in sight. One thing that's been a game-changer for me is finding support in unexpected places. When I hit a similar wall, I reached out to [link removed by moderator]. Their understanding and tailored approach really helped lighten the load. Sometimes, a little outside help can make a world of difference, even if it's just a small step at a time. Take care of yourself.

  • I got you! 

    Perhaps our dopamine doesn't turn on by contemplating a task. We focus on the doing - EW NO! - and get no dopamine, no starter juice. 

    But if I watch tik toks , type in Clean with me, Tidy with me, Study with me, etc, I see their finished results and from that I get dopamine and suddenly   ...   I WANT... to do the task. 

    Other things are using music to get started. 

    I hate housework , and the house gets feral. 

    Clutter.do you mean decor,?  Buy tubs. These either must have a lid and look nice, or fit in cupboard. Each tub contains the items that go on ONE table top.  Then keep 2 or 3 items on the table top , maybe photos, and the rest sits below in the tub. When you get bored put the photos in the tub and bring out the other things the kids art or the vase etc.  

  • I can totally relate to the overwhelm of trying to keep up with household chores, especially with ADHD in the mix.

  • One has to clean or things get out of control.  I force myself to clean.

    This was my late mother's house when she refused to clean for years.  I discovered that she refused to vacuum for around ten years despite owning a working vacuum cleaner.

    With age she lost all perspective and put the plant pot there so no one would notice the mould.

    Without cleaning the black and red mould got out of control  and spores in the air affects people breathing.

    I always look at the above image to motivate me to clean.

  • Morning.

    That's a great list of cleaning tips.  People will find that list very helpful if they are struggling with cleaning tasks too.  It's a really kind thing to give in one of your first posts here.

    Welcome!  Hope to run into you again soon on these pages.

    Have a happy Tuesday.

    Kind regards, Number.

  • Bio family constantly criticised me for a this on top of everything.

    I do not only suffer from Autism and learning disabilities and difficulties but things like;

    Bpd

    Severe depression

    Anxiety

    C-ptsd

    Inflammatory disorder which puts me in agony every day as well as mild asthma.

    To also note because of my hygiene, I've been living in black mold for YEARS which makes all these things worse, its ruined for mint condition furniture and has cost me 1000s.

    Family also came at me for making excuses, hiding behind my disabilities as excuse, call me names and look down at me like I was this disgusting thing,  they were never satisfied no matter what I did so I stopped trying.

    Reason I'm putting these things down cuz if this sounds familiar, really consider if remaining with people who criticise you for what you struggle with is a good idea or at least try talk to them.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CLEANING TIPS

    •As for cleaning, I've made rules such as, you use something put it back or clean right away, clean things associated with it or areas, anything comes to mind do it right away deoending how much work youve done already, do what I can do till finished finished or my body starts to play up.

    •It might also be worth setting up prompts on your phone and do them right away and put yourself on a timer.

    •Have a playlist for cleaning or only ever listen to music while cleaning.

    •Put your shoes on everytime you go clean.

    •Break it down into smaller tasks to do everyday or a room a day if you are up to it

    •defo reward yourself after you've done

    With mine I had help from family who arent horrible to me, so I have to keep it up for them after all theyve done for me and I plan not to go back to that again.

    I really hate Chores with a passion but I have to do them, I've taken it apon myself since I'm always tired and a little achy plug music in and get started until either finished or if I get too achy.

    I don't even think too into it and work through it, I have pets so I HAVE TO lol, for you do it for yourself, no one else and just think it'll be great for the long run! So many problems avoided and life is easier plus if anything were to happen to ya or recieving unexpected visits at least house is tidy.

    Obvs you don't have to do all of these listed, just pick a couple and see if they work for you, take care!

  • So do you guys have any advice clening your room very fast

  • it's fine, I thought one of naughty boys is trying to make a prank on me Smiley

  • That would be me, sorry if my netiquette is a bit rusty, been a while since I posted anything online.

  • The only thing I can suggest, which helps me, is to break any tasks down into manageable chunks where it is easy to complete one chunk at a time. That way, you know you won't be doing it for long and not get bored with it. Then, wait a while before taking on the next chunk and so on...

  • haha who brings those 2 years old topics to the front?

  • @Bluemoon has a nice idea, that would work normally, but won't if it's burnout

    if you live with someone I vote for division of labour, e.g. I do dishwashing because I can't stand dirty plates so you take rubbish out, etc.

    I lived with many flatmates, cleaning rota never works. after a month I was the only one doing any cleaning

  • been criticised

    they shouldn't be doing that

    it eventually leads to feeling resentful, and then you start ghosting them

    Could it be burnout? I've just recovered from one, and when it hit me I couldn't do anything, except going from bed to the toilet for 2 months, and eating what I found in a kitchen

    you have ADHD as well, mine gets out of control at higher temperatures, basically over 25 degree C I can't focus on anything, ADHD keeps distracting me finding other things to focus on

    so they shouldn't critise you, they should up their sleeves and do it for you for as long as it is neccessary for you to recover, otherwise you just prolong burnout

  • I have exactly this problem, explaining it to anyone is seemingly impossible. Going to try some of these suggestions and see if they work for me.

  • I really struggle with this too. Its a mix of my mental health and autism. I lack motivation and drive to do every day chores. Im sorry ive no advice but i understand. My boyf doesnt understand snd thinks im lazy. 

  • I often think I need an autistic neighbour, I would pop in and clean their house and they would do mine.

    There's something about being able to enter and leave.. And be objective and unemotional about what I'm cleaning.. that I can't apply to my own home. 

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