I don't use emojis, I can hardly see them and I dont' uderstand what they mean unless its really obvious like a smiley face. If I told someone the most interesting things I'd learned in a day I'd go on so much I'd bore the pants off them. I don't take photos either.

The key to avoiding the over use of the dreaded "what do you do?", according to Chris Colin and Rob Baedeker, authors of "What to Talk About: On a Plane, at a Cocktail Party, in a Tiny Elevator with Your Boss’s Boss", is instead ...to ask an open-ended question such as:

What are you most passionate about?
What do you like to do?
What’s the best thing that happened to you today?
What are you most excited about right now?
What are you working on?
If money were no object, what would you do with your life?
What do you do for fun?
What’s something you’re really into right now?
What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you lately?
How do you feel your life has worked out so far?
What was the best part of your week / weekend?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What are you looking forward to right now?
What’s the last picture you took on your phone?
What is your favourite thing to spend money on?
What’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about you?
What habit or improvement are you working on?
What cheers you up?
What’s your favourite word?
What cause are you passionate about?
What’s on your mind lately?
What personal habit are you proudest of?
How do you spend your days?
What problem do you wish you could solve?
What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned recently?
What’s your favourite emoji?
Whom in the world would you most like to share a meal with?

Maybe someone would do the World a favour - by printing a t-shirt with such a list down the front ...to provide a suitable prompt for the uninspired folk as they approach people!

I find myself entirely unable to give and straight and simple answer to that question "What do you do for a living."

I do what I do.  I'm good at some stuff and bad at others.  Most of my "doing" requires an equal amount of stuff I'm good at, and stuff I'm not good at.  I bring in some money for some of those things and I spend that money on life.

I like it when people ask me more appropriate and interesting questions, like "Are you living a happy life?" or "What do you love to do the most?" or "What is the most interesting thing you think you know?"

I like people who ask the unexpected and unusual.  It is more interesting.

Likely they know your persona there already so it's a little difficult to change course. 

However., there's nothing stopping you using pre planned stock answers to avoid feeling compromised. 

I can do that in the examples you've given but if I'm in work and a colleague is asking me questions I think saying no would not go down well.

that’s a bad question as well, I’ve learnt that it’s just like saying hello nobody is interested in how you actually feel. Sometimes falling into the trap of properly answering….

I always say 'not a lot' which isn't true but it's like the simplest answer I can come up with on the spot. I just want to get away as quickly as possible when people put me on the spot like that, it's like when someone asks 'how are you?' I never know what to say, just want to run and hide.

I can certainly relate to that

whiteD404 said:

I  don’t want to come across as being rude

I do understand, but my masking days are coming to an end.  I've evaluated & feel they did me far more harm than good. 

I wish at times I could do that but most of the time I  don’t want to come across as being rude. I can tell myself I shouldn’t care what people think but most of the time I do…..

I don't know why people feel obliged to answer anything they don't feel comfortable with.

If someone asks me something I don't like I am more than likely to say 'no' and end the conversation as the two people from the Jehovah's Witnesses will tell you that called at the weekend.   Why stand there squirming when you know how the conversation is going to end??  Get that door shut, and get rid. 

Same when people used to call you and try and sell things.  Just cut the call.   Just delete the email.  If someone asks you something that isn't their business you could actually ask them something that certainly isn't yours (to get your own back) or simply say "what's yours, putting your nose where it isn't wanted?"

This may sound terribly rude but if it was a friend of mine they'd already know and if they aren't my friend, it's not their concern?   Isn't that right? 

Why the dread?  The dread comes from feeling you have to conform to social graces & all that guff TheCatWoman  

I actually feel better now I've got that off my chest

I can relate to what you say here - it’s a difficult question to answer when you don’t have a conventional paid job. It doesn’t seem right to have to immediately start sharing health info with people you barely know (unless you’re comfortable with that of course). For myself I’d probably say something vague like ‘lots of things - none of which are exactly a conventional job’. Which is true :) The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to answer a question just because somebody asks it :)

A thing I will never understand is that if a differing opinion comes up I have to accept the other person's opinion but if I give my opinion it's arguing and I will never understand the difference but NTs seem to categorically agree on that point.

understood - other people's perspectives can be tricky. Especially when they sometimes appear irrational.  Lots of times assumptions that other person knows what is meant -even using the same language!  The "back story" behind each persons perceptions can be confusing and confounding.

]

Isn't not playing liberating, it's such a relief although it does cause a different set of problems with people getting cross, but I'd rather be authentically me with few friends and aquaintances than have to do through all the masking and other nonsense to have a life full of people who don't really know me and live in fear of being found out as some kind of fraud.

************

Sorry Phased I didn't really understand your dance metaphor at all

I don't think they necessarily want a specific answer but I think a lot of the time the question is just a niceity and the person asking doesn't care that much so is probably expecting a ye good thanks, I did.... Not a story about my mental health.

I'd imagine it does get a lot easier in that respect but my self esteem with socialising is so low I can say I've experienced feeling good about myself in that situation.

I think I enjoy a debate. I like the back and forth of it and the passion of an argument for or against. But subjects that matter get too heated and although I like the debate, I really struggle with the other person's opinion being different to mine. It makes no sense to me that they see it so differently because to me my opinion makes so much sense. But with a daft question it doesn't really matter, I enjoy it but a passion for the subject doesn't take over and make it frustrating. I also think I enjoy really thinking about stuff like that. Not sure how to explain that better.

so do you find people often want a particular answer?

I have issues and beating myself up psychologically for not achieving too.  I don't personally recommend lying to others unless essential for safety _  keeping insight and track of my life reality is hard enough let alone fictionalising it as well! 

What and how one revealing oneself to others / masking it from them is all a complex issue.  It goes loads easier when one feels good about oneself do you think?

The random question stuff you tie your brain up fascinates me - a special interest in questions which have no definitively correct answer perhaps?

Surely humans would win that fight because they'd just eat them.

I agree all that "what do you do" is maybe it is all shim sham anyway. 

To explain:

"The Shim Sham is 10 phrases of choreography (each phrase lasting four 8-counts), so it does not usually take up an entire song. After the Shim Sham was over, the dancers then would exit either stage left or right, depending on what was agreed upon for that show..

Like the shim sham, "what do you do?" is a part of the social "dance" of people moving and communicating that both parties are meant to understand doesn't last long perhaps? 

"What" is a question that makes good anthropological sense.  Perhaps accumulating knowledge about a lot people that we now and/or need .  I guess in that in a community of a lot of people finding and knowing "someone who can" or "someone who knows" is really important.  Perhaps people rely upon direct acquaintance less in several ways today than we might have in the past? Perhaps autistic people more likely so? 

Personally I also dread this a bit too because I don't like defining other people or myself by "what".  It seems to me that the inherent social assumptions and role playing games that go with "what" are not good for individuals, a healthy society and maybe even the planet in the long run.  Also because I worry so much about me and social communication and I think that other people often haven't done right with me ( an idiom could be "'I've got a big chip on my shoulder" about society!) !   (cue: end the first act with a stirring rendition of "I am what I am"  :-)  )

"Why" and "How" I suggest are more layered and even more useful questions.  Also a way to better defining "what" - if such a thing is necessary.  So I tend to work towards conversations in "why" or "how" mode if given the chance.  Why and, how are more interesting and perhaps more relevant to understanding and communication for people .  Why and How are not shim sham - they're "dancing" with the other person and staying together.communicating longer in more of the "song"  of social communication.   This sadly often confuses the sort of people who ask "what?" more than those who ask "how?" or "why?" in my experience.

I hold my hand up that social communication by and involving me is often not "normal" to neurotypical people.  This is  something I believe I have observed of myself and others "like me" for a long time. Even tho' I don't properly understand differences between normal and not and I everyone is different others have told me I am more different than most.  Perhaps regretfully not in a way that a lot of people  want to socialise with me!   Sometimes this puts me off being sociable - mostly fear of making a mistake. being stupid and the ensuing consequences of ill judged social behaviour.

Anyway I am sure that there are may answers to the question "what do you do?".  If I'm astute enough at the time I would answer the question with another that asks for clarity about what is meant by it and list e.g. work, hobbies, passions and see if there were mutual similarities or things of special interest to talk about.  Hehe, a lot of times this confuses the sort of people that just want to pigeon hole and rank off further questions anyway...  If someone is genuinely interested they seem to put the work into the conversation further.  If not then hey! Maybe there's something else more interesting to do and someone else more interesting to do it with...

If I'm not feeling astute or genuinely feel I can trust the person then I tell them what I'm doing with my life at present and thank them for asking while observing and responding to their reaction and response.as much as my autism allows.  How much I say depends upon the social cues I pick up and to a certain extent how much I am able to hold the others attention and/or how interested they are.  At some point I naturally move the question around and engage in a reciprocal conversation as comfortable and enjoyable.  That's a best case scenario!

Anyway these days I very seldom get into social situations where this is a question of me - most likely to happen in context of work where I kind of have to say (until I don't have to do that work).  Much more likely I ask "what do I do/" of myself!!

Maybe i should get out more!

Thanks for the topic and thanks for asking :-)

To sum up:

once you know a shim sham it's always a shim sham!

And anyway as the expression has it: 

'Tain't What You Do (It's the Way That You Do It) :-)

Expecto_Patronum said:

who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken or if you could only eat 1 meal for the rest of your life what would it be.

It has to be - dino chicken nuggets. with cretaceous barbeque sauce,