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'What do you do?' Being defined by your job

TheCatWoman

I dread this question when meeting people for the first time, what do I say? I'm not working and haven't for a while due to all my health probems ganging up on me, so do I say that, (usually) do I say what my last job was, self employed hairdresser, what my current and over riding interests are gardening, cooking and history, so should I say I'm a gardener, a cook or an historian? Do they count as I'm not paid for any of them. Or should I say that I'm a human being rather than a human doing?

Why is it so important to NT's to know what work you do, what your profession is so as they can decided whether to talk to you or at you or walk away and ignore you? The only equivalent I can think of for ND's would be 'whats your special interest?'

What do you say when asked this question? 

Do you conform and say what your paid work is/was? 

How do you feel about having to play this game?

Does it put you off socialising?

Parents

  • Interestingly, (I guess mostly because I do have a job) what do you do? is one of the questions I can comfortably answer because I work with neurodivergent kids and I'm passionate about it. I'm not that comfortable talking about myself but I am comfortable talking about my job. I think I annoy some people because it tends to be a default topic that I do talk about.

    I can totally see the difficulty when not working though. I do generally find people asking me questions about me difficult. It feels intrusive and I don't like it. I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken.What I find more difficult is people asking me about my weekend or when we've been off for a holiday (it's a school). My truthful answer to that is I've done nothing and it was probably quite rubbish because my mental health dips when I'm not in work. This probably isn't the answer that people are looking for and isn't something I'm particularly comfortable sharing. So what do I do, lie? Make up some interesting things that I did. I'm not comfortable lying either so that's not a great solution. It's hard and this really does put me off socialising.

    I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken or if you could only eat 1 meal for the rest of your life what would it be.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    so do you find people often want a particular answer?

    I have issues and beating myself up psychologically for not achieving too.  I don't personally recommend lying to others unless essential for safety _  keeping insight and track of my life reality is hard enough let alone fictionalising it as well! 

    What and how one revealing oneself to others / masking it from them is all a complex issue.  It goes loads easier when one feels good about oneself do you think?

    The random question stuff you tie your brain up fascinates me - a special interest in questions which have no definitively correct answer perhaps?

Reply
  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    so do you find people often want a particular answer?

    I have issues and beating myself up psychologically for not achieving too.  I don't personally recommend lying to others unless essential for safety _  keeping insight and track of my life reality is hard enough let alone fictionalising it as well! 

    What and how one revealing oneself to others / masking it from them is all a complex issue.  It goes loads easier when one feels good about oneself do you think?

    The random question stuff you tie your brain up fascinates me - a special interest in questions which have no definitively correct answer perhaps?

Children
  • in reply to Phased

    A thing I will never understand is that if a differing opinion comes up I have to accept the other person's opinion but if I give my opinion it's arguing and I will never understand the difference but NTs seem to categorically agree on that point.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    understood - other people's perspectives can be tricky. Especially when they sometimes appear irrational.  Lots of times assumptions that other person knows what is meant -even using the same language!  The "back story" behind each persons perceptions can be confusing and confounding.

    ]

  • in reply to Phased

    I don't think they necessarily want a specific answer but I think a lot of the time the question is just a niceity and the person asking doesn't care that much so is probably expecting a ye good thanks, I did.... Not a story about my mental health.

    I'd imagine it does get a lot easier in that respect but my self esteem with socialising is so low I can say I've experienced feeling good about myself in that situation.

    I think I enjoy a debate. I like the back and forth of it and the passion of an argument for or against. But subjects that matter get too heated and although I like the debate, I really struggle with the other person's opinion being different to mine. It makes no sense to me that they see it so differently because to me my opinion makes so much sense. But with a daft question it doesn't really matter, I enjoy it but a passion for the subject doesn't take over and make it frustrating. I also think I enjoy really thinking about stuff like that. Not sure how to explain that better.