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'What do you do?' Being defined by your job

TheCatWoman

I dread this question when meeting people for the first time, what do I say? I'm not working and haven't for a while due to all my health probems ganging up on me, so do I say that, (usually) do I say what my last job was, self employed hairdresser, what my current and over riding interests are gardening, cooking and history, so should I say I'm a gardener, a cook or an historian? Do they count as I'm not paid for any of them. Or should I say that I'm a human being rather than a human doing?

Why is it so important to NT's to know what work you do, what your profession is so as they can decided whether to talk to you or at you or walk away and ignore you? The only equivalent I can think of for ND's would be 'whats your special interest?'

What do you say when asked this question? 

Do you conform and say what your paid work is/was? 

How do you feel about having to play this game?

Does it put you off socialising?

Parents

  • Interestingly, (I guess mostly because I do have a job) what do you do? is one of the questions I can comfortably answer because I work with neurodivergent kids and I'm passionate about it. I'm not that comfortable talking about myself but I am comfortable talking about my job. I think I annoy some people because it tends to be a default topic that I do talk about.

    I can totally see the difficulty when not working though. I do generally find people asking me questions about me difficult. It feels intrusive and I don't like it. I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken.What I find more difficult is people asking me about my weekend or when we've been off for a holiday (it's a school). My truthful answer to that is I've done nothing and it was probably quite rubbish because my mental health dips when I'm not in work. This probably isn't the answer that people are looking for and isn't something I'm particularly comfortable sharing. So what do I do, lie? Make up some interesting things that I did. I'm not comfortable lying either so that's not a great solution. It's hard and this really does put me off socialising.

    I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken or if you could only eat 1 meal for the rest of your life what would it be.

Reply

  • Interestingly, (I guess mostly because I do have a job) what do you do? is one of the questions I can comfortably answer because I work with neurodivergent kids and I'm passionate about it. I'm not that comfortable talking about myself but I am comfortable talking about my job. I think I annoy some people because it tends to be a default topic that I do talk about.

    I can totally see the difficulty when not working though. I do generally find people asking me questions about me difficult. It feels intrusive and I don't like it. I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken.What I find more difficult is people asking me about my weekend or when we've been off for a holiday (it's a school). My truthful answer to that is I've done nothing and it was probably quite rubbish because my mental health dips when I'm not in work. This probably isn't the answer that people are looking for and isn't something I'm particularly comfortable sharing. So what do I do, lie? Make up some interesting things that I did. I'm not comfortable lying either so that's not a great solution. It's hard and this really does put me off socialising.

    I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken or if you could only eat 1 meal for the rest of your life what would it be.

Children
  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    so do you find people often want a particular answer?

    I have issues and beating myself up psychologically for not achieving too.  I don't personally recommend lying to others unless essential for safety _  keeping insight and track of my life reality is hard enough let alone fictionalising it as well! 

    What and how one revealing oneself to others / masking it from them is all a complex issue.  It goes loads easier when one feels good about oneself do you think?

    The random question stuff you tie your brain up fascinates me - a special interest in questions which have no definitively correct answer perhaps?

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum
    Expecto_Patronum said:
    who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken or if you could only eat 1 meal for the rest of your life what would it be.

    It has to be - dino chicken nuggets. with cretaceous barbeque sauce,