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'What do you do?' Being defined by your job

TheCatWoman

I dread this question when meeting people for the first time, what do I say? I'm not working and haven't for a while due to all my health probems ganging up on me, so do I say that, (usually) do I say what my last job was, self employed hairdresser, what my current and over riding interests are gardening, cooking and history, so should I say I'm a gardener, a cook or an historian? Do they count as I'm not paid for any of them. Or should I say that I'm a human being rather than a human doing?

Why is it so important to NT's to know what work you do, what your profession is so as they can decided whether to talk to you or at you or walk away and ignore you? The only equivalent I can think of for ND's would be 'whats your special interest?'

What do you say when asked this question? 

Do you conform and say what your paid work is/was? 

How do you feel about having to play this game?

Does it put you off socialising?

Parents

  • I know what you mean. But there may be various reasons why people ask this question. They may be looking to find common ground, they may be trying to find out if they will find you boring (because your job sounds boring to them), they may be trying to work out how much respect they think you're worth, they may be comparing you to themselves, trying to ascertain your education level. Many humans are impressed by high earners, because they admire wealth, power and the ability to "succeed" .

    I'm retired now, so I'd just tell someone that. But then sometimes people ask what you used to do. I'd then say I have worked in accounting, taught English as a second language, and been a special needs teaching assistant during my lifetime. Then if they want to talk about any of those, it's up to them, I'd rather talk about what people enjoy.

    I don't really like "socialising" at all. I can do it, I've learned how to do small talk and sometimes I can even turn the conversation to something that interests me. But I don't see the point any more and it's tiresome. I'd rather chat with my partner or dip into conversations on this forum.

  • in reply to Lotus

    If I say I'm a hairdresser then people ask me all sorts of hair related questions, I learned early on never to say I was a counsellor or I'd get a life time of trauma told to me, or the reverse and people would think I'd be taking a punishing role, especially as I used to counsel young people. Saying I was a retreat leader gains eye pops and some very strange questions, sometimes interesting ones but often quite a bit of mockery too. Saying I've cooked professionally, tend to get me tales of how poorly so many people feel treated by restaurants or how they can't cook. Gardening get me loads of questions. When I worked in a wholefood shop I got a whole load of weirdness, from conspiracy theories about the food industry, mockery from some and others wanting advice and support.

    I don't socialise anymore either, I really can't be bothered, partly because of questions like this and just because I feel like a fish in a tree.

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  • in reply to Lotus

    If I say I'm a hairdresser then people ask me all sorts of hair related questions, I learned early on never to say I was a counsellor or I'd get a life time of trauma told to me, or the reverse and people would think I'd be taking a punishing role, especially as I used to counsel young people. Saying I was a retreat leader gains eye pops and some very strange questions, sometimes interesting ones but often quite a bit of mockery too. Saying I've cooked professionally, tend to get me tales of how poorly so many people feel treated by restaurants or how they can't cook. Gardening get me loads of questions. When I worked in a wholefood shop I got a whole load of weirdness, from conspiracy theories about the food industry, mockery from some and others wanting advice and support.

    I don't socialise anymore either, I really can't be bothered, partly because of questions like this and just because I feel like a fish in a tree.

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