'What do you do?' Being defined by your job

I dread this question when meeting people for the first time, what do I say? I'm not working and haven't for a while due to all my health probems ganging up on me, so do I say that, (usually) do I say what my last job was, self employed hairdresser, what my current and over riding interests are gardening, cooking and history, so should I say I'm a gardener, a cook or an historian? Do they count as I'm not paid for any of them. Or should I say that I'm a human being rather than a human doing?

Why is it so important to NT's to know what work you do, what your profession is so as they can decided whether to talk to you or at you or walk away and ignore you? The only equivalent I can think of for ND's would be 'whats your special interest?'

What do you say when asked this question?

Do you conform and say what your paid work is/was?

How do you feel about having to play this game?

Does it put you off socialising?

Parents

Phased 2 months ago

I agree all that "what do you do" is maybe it is all shim sham anyway.

To explain:

"The Shim Sham is 10 phrases of choreography (each phrase lasting four 8-counts), so it does not usually take up an entire song. After the Shim Sham was over, the dancers then would exit either stage left or right, depending on what was agreed upon for that show..

Like the shim sham, "what do you do?" is a part of the social "dance" of people moving and communicating that both parties are meant to understand doesn't last long perhaps?

"What" is a question that makes good anthropological sense. Perhaps accumulating knowledge about a lot people that we now and/or need . I guess in that in a community of a lot of people finding and knowing "someone who can" or "someone who knows" is really important. Perhaps people rely upon direct acquaintance less in several ways today than we might have in the past? Perhaps autistic people more likely so?

Personally I also dread this a bit too because I don't like defining other people or myself by "what". It seems to me that the inherent social assumptions and role playing games that go with "what" are not good for individuals, a healthy society and maybe even the planet in the long run. Also because I worry so much about me and social communication and I think that other people often haven't done right with me ( an idiom could be "'I've got a big chip on my shoulder" about society!) ! (cue: end the first act with a stirring rendition of "I am what I am" :-) )

"Why" and "How" I suggest are more layered and even more useful questions. Also a way to better defining "what" - if such a thing is necessary. So I tend to work towards conversations in "why" or "how" mode if given the chance. Why and, how are more interesting and perhaps more relevant to understanding and communication for people . Why and How are not shim sham - they're "dancing" with the other person and staying together.communicating longer in more of the "song" of social communication. This sadly often confuses the sort of people who ask "what?" more than those who ask "how?" or "why?" in my experience.

I hold my hand up that social communication by and involving me is often not "normal" to neurotypical people. This is something I believe I have observed of myself and others "like me" for a long time. Even tho' I don't properly understand differences between normal and not and I everyone is different others have told me I am more different than most. Perhaps regretfully not in a way that a lot of people want to socialise with me! Sometimes this puts me off being sociable - mostly fear of making a mistake. being stupid and the ensuing consequences of ill judged social behaviour.

Anyway I am sure that there are may answers to the question "what do you do?". If I'm astute enough at the time I would answer the question with another that asks for clarity about what is meant by it and list e.g. work, hobbies, passions and see if there were mutual similarities or things of special interest to talk about. Hehe, a lot of times this confuses the sort of people that just want to pigeon hole and rank off further questions anyway... If someone is genuinely interested they seem to put the work into the conversation further. If not then hey! Maybe there's something else more interesting to do and someone else more interesting to do it with...

If I'm not feeling astute or genuinely feel I can trust the person then I tell them what I'm doing with my life at present and thank them for asking while observing and responding to their reaction and response.as much as my autism allows. How much I say depends upon the social cues I pick up and to a certain extent how much I am able to hold the others attention and/or how interested they are. At some point I naturally move the question around and engage in a reciprocal conversation as comfortable and enjoyable. That's a best case scenario!

Anyway these days I very seldom get into social situations where this is a question of me - most likely to happen in context of work where I kind of have to say (until I don't have to do that work). Much more likely I ask "what do I do/" of myself!!

Maybe i should get out more!

Thanks for the topic and thanks for asking :-)

To sum up:

once you know a shim sham it's always a shim sham!

And anyway as the expression has it:

'Tain't What You Do (It's the Way That You Do It) :-)

Reply

Phased 2 months ago

I agree all that "what do you do" is maybe it is all shim sham anyway.

To explain:

"The Shim Sham is 10 phrases of choreography (each phrase lasting four 8-counts), so it does not usually take up an entire song. After the Shim Sham was over, the dancers then would exit either stage left or right, depending on what was agreed upon for that show..

Like the shim sham, "what do you do?" is a part of the social "dance" of people moving and communicating that both parties are meant to understand doesn't last long perhaps?

"What" is a question that makes good anthropological sense. Perhaps accumulating knowledge about a lot people that we now and/or need . I guess in that in a community of a lot of people finding and knowing "someone who can" or "someone who knows" is really important. Perhaps people rely upon direct acquaintance less in several ways today than we might have in the past? Perhaps autistic people more likely so?

Personally I also dread this a bit too because I don't like defining other people or myself by "what". It seems to me that the inherent social assumptions and role playing games that go with "what" are not good for individuals, a healthy society and maybe even the planet in the long run. Also because I worry so much about me and social communication and I think that other people often haven't done right with me ( an idiom could be "'I've got a big chip on my shoulder" about society!) ! (cue: end the first act with a stirring rendition of "I am what I am" :-) )

"Why" and "How" I suggest are more layered and even more useful questions. Also a way to better defining "what" - if such a thing is necessary. So I tend to work towards conversations in "why" or "how" mode if given the chance. Why and, how are more interesting and perhaps more relevant to understanding and communication for people . Why and How are not shim sham - they're "dancing" with the other person and staying together.communicating longer in more of the "song" of social communication. This sadly often confuses the sort of people who ask "what?" more than those who ask "how?" or "why?" in my experience.

I hold my hand up that social communication by and involving me is often not "normal" to neurotypical people. This is something I believe I have observed of myself and others "like me" for a long time. Even tho' I don't properly understand differences between normal and not and I everyone is different others have told me I am more different than most. Perhaps regretfully not in a way that a lot of people want to socialise with me! Sometimes this puts me off being sociable - mostly fear of making a mistake. being stupid and the ensuing consequences of ill judged social behaviour.

Anyway I am sure that there are may answers to the question "what do you do?". If I'm astute enough at the time I would answer the question with another that asks for clarity about what is meant by it and list e.g. work, hobbies, passions and see if there were mutual similarities or things of special interest to talk about. Hehe, a lot of times this confuses the sort of people that just want to pigeon hole and rank off further questions anyway... If someone is genuinely interested they seem to put the work into the conversation further. If not then hey! Maybe there's something else more interesting to do and someone else more interesting to do it with...

If I'm not feeling astute or genuinely feel I can trust the person then I tell them what I'm doing with my life at present and thank them for asking while observing and responding to their reaction and response.as much as my autism allows. How much I say depends upon the social cues I pick up and to a certain extent how much I am able to hold the others attention and/or how interested they are. At some point I naturally move the question around and engage in a reciprocal conversation as comfortable and enjoyable. That's a best case scenario!

Anyway these days I very seldom get into social situations where this is a question of me - most likely to happen in context of work where I kind of have to say (until I don't have to do that work). Much more likely I ask "what do I do/" of myself!!

Maybe i should get out more!

Thanks for the topic and thanks for asking :-)

To sum up:

once you know a shim sham it's always a shim sham!

And anyway as the expression has it:

'Tain't What You Do (It's the Way That You Do It) :-)

Children

No Data

'What do you do?' Being defined by your job

'Tain't What You Do (It's the Way That You Do It) :-)

'Tain't What You Do (It's the Way That You Do It) :-)