Conflicting needs- what’s reasonable?

I'm not sure there is any good option here at all but if there is going to be a dialog it should ideally be direct comunication ... maybe with a 3rd party as a refferee or witness.

That's risky though. Because they have very few 'good options' if they are not allowed to name names. They can at best go and tap said person on the sholder and say 'some people feel you are being too noisy.' Which out of context the person in question won't know how to interprit. They'll either ignore it or clam up and go silent. If you are going to aproch them you need to be supper spicific. "Person A said on ocasion B you did C and aspect D of that upset them." that level of spicific. It's hard enough for two people to comunicate their feeling and details around issues when one of them is autistic. If you then add a 3rd part intermediary into the mix instead of direct comunication you've got no hope.

Is there a moderator, group advisor or organizer or such. My approach would be to tell them my concerns. Discreetly of course.

Well it depends. If it's the kind of enviroment where people interject a lot and thats the normal way to talk in a group (it's just that he's doing it more than everyone else) then no he probably can't controle it because it's probably all or nothing for him. But if it's normallya very calm enviroment where people don't talk over eachother than hes he can probably supress the interjection almost 100%. I do it sometimes. The thing you want to say just burns in your head till your turn comes up. Which means you're always turning the conversation back to the subject it was on 30 - 60 seconds ago ... which some people find anoying.

Phantom limb syndrome! Good thinking. No brain in a tank for me! 

Same, but I'd worry about that feeling icky too... Like how amputees have itches on the limb they no longer have, only imagine if the brain in a tank felt like it had an itch!! 

Ah do you think so? I felt like it might be the other way around but then that’s just my experiences I guess.

I would wait a while and see how you go. You might alienate or offend them by raising this. See if you can learn to tolerate it, or maybe this person might naturally get a bit quieter by accident! I definitely wouldn’t rush to raise this if attending this group is valuable to you. 

Well I might mention the interjecting. That's probably something they can controle more easily.

i don't think it's necessarily fair to expect them to be able to not talk loudly over people. I think it is fair for you do things to reduce the impact on you. Hence hands on ears

Yes this person sounds similar- similarly the other challenge is that they often talk over others so it would be hard to listen to someone else while also reducing the sound of the louder person. 

The staff were disability support advisors rather than teachers so I hope they’d be a little more understanding, I just don’t know if it’s a fair request.

Yeah that’s how I feel too. That being said, it does seem like it could be the sort of situation where they are just genuinely unaware and speaking loudly because they’re excited/there’s a lot of people and they want to interject (basically I feel like I could deal with either problem- the interjecting/being loud- but not both) so they might be understanding but I also don’t want to make them self conscious as you say. They did seem to know the staff members well though hence me thinking they might be able to discuss it with them?

It’s a bit more than physical/sensory discomfort (which I’m used to dealing with)- it upset me in a different way from what I’m used to and I think it might actually be trauma from past negative experiences with loud, low range voices, hence why I think it really pushed me as normally I just try to tolerate these things.

I’d also add that I don’t think they should/would be excluded from the group or anything as its not set up like that (and they’ve been there longer), it’s more of an “is this a reasonable request to make _if they felt able to_ given the groups intentions” question. Some other people also opened up a lot more after they left so I’m not sure if it’s just a “me" problem or not.

It’s exceedingly difficult to moderate your volume if you’re unaware you’re being loud. (as autistic people sometimes are ) And if you ask people to be extra aware that they’re being loud they are going to be horribly self-conscious and unable to be themselves.

if it’s causing you physical discomfort you may want to try earplugs otherwise I think you’ll probably just have to get used to it.

student groups need to be inclusive and that means everyone has to feel like they can be there. but they don’t necessarily have to tailor The club to everyone’s preferences. it’s not fair to single out one person and apply a special rule exclusively to them. I suppose the society could make a quiet talking rule for everybody. but do you think that that would make the club the kind of place that people want to come?

I don’t know it would surely depend on the type of club right? But if you go up to him and say you need to stop being loud or you can’t be in this club he’s probably going to feel like you’re just kicking him out. Talking loudly May not be something he feels like he has all that much control over. Or at least trying to exert control over it might basically turn him into an introverted wallflower who never says anything. In which case he may not want to come to the club in the first place.

I’ve been erring about trying these, I really struggle with things “touching me” and generally prefer headphones (my life gets a lot easier with sunglasses & headphones but the feeling of them is awful…the irony), I’ve also had some trouble with my ears lately. I didn’t know about their returns policy though, so I’ll give it a shot!

It is a really nice group and I got on well with everyone else, even this person was fine so I’d really like to find a solution!

Thats the sort of thing that would make me leave a group and seek out members I felt some kind of connection with outside of the group.

This was an interesting question. I have heard it said that people with autism tend to get along better with other people with autism, but it has been my experience that this isn't necessarily true.

While one would hope that other autistic people would understand where we're all coming from, the reality is that we're people who just happen to be autistic. 

Having said this, I don't think it would hurt if you were to speak to the people who organized this social group. I suspect that the worst that could happen would be that they would say no. 

I'm looking at these now (with your code).

NTs in my experience like taking sides. I've had to not work with certain people before, because we drive each other up the wall with our different stims interfering with each others sensory issues. So we sit at opposite sides of the room and that's fine. 

However, some NTs feel the need to decide who is 'more worthy' of disability accommodations based on whatever they thought the criteria were, completely disregarding our opinions on it. 

I don't think it would hurt to have a private word with the organiser, to seek their opinion.

Otherwise - and whilst I appreciate you've already said that you don't think headphones would work in this situation - I'd encourage you to try using Loop earplugs. Some of their models are specifically designed to let speech or music pass through, but at lower volume. 

For this situation, I suggest trying Engage 2, which they describe as being "best for conversations, social gatherings, parenting and noise sensitivity" There's also a "Plus" version of Engage 2, with an accessory that can be clipped into the outer earpiece for greater noise reduction.

I have all three of the original Loop models and get on very well with them. There's also a newer "Switch" model that incorporates all three modes of noise reduction (which I haven't tried yet, as I don't get on well with small or fiddly control switches).

This is my referral link. Unimportantly, it could earn me some points if you use it. More importantly, it gives a 15% discount (excluding any bundle deals) 

https://rwrd.io/ztxx5i6?c

Loop has a 100-day returns policy "allowing returns for any reason within 100 days of receiving your item, even if used."​