Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, advice needed!
I recently joined a social group for autistic people at my university, the first meeting was more enjoyable than I anticipated but I really struggled with one of the participants who had a loud voice. While I don’t want to expect other people to have to mask a lot in this situation, I definitely felt uncomfortable and found it quite overwhelming. Would it be reasonable to ask the organisers if they could speak to this person (who has been going for longer than I have/seems to have a good rapport with the organisers/staff) and ask them to lower their voice? I feel like an ass asking them to moderate themselves in a group like this but equally I’d really like to keep going (I have very few friends my own age) and don’t want to snap at them by accident.
(please note I don’t think I’m the only person who felt a little like this, several other people also became more open/talkative after they left)
Is there a moderator, group advisor or organizer or such. My approach would be to tell them my concerns. Discreetly of course.
That's risky though. Because they have very few 'good options' if they are not allowed to name names. They can at best go and tap said person on the sholder and say 'some people feel you are being too noisy.' Which out of context the person in question won't know how to interprit. They'll either ignore it or clam up and go silent. If you are going to aproch them you need to be supper spicific. "Person A said on ocasion B you did C and aspect D of that upset them." that level of spicific. It's hard enough for two people to comunicate their feeling and details around issues when one of them is autistic. If you then add a 3rd part intermediary into the mix instead of direct comunication you've got no hope.