Published on 12, July, 2020
I just started the process of being diagnosed with autism with 'right to choose'. I also have been diagnosed with adhd in June this year.
The question I wanted to ask was about teasing. I was teased at age 9 yrs old because I developed a skin condition (which I grew out of). The teasing lasted til I left primary school. I remember there was a particular boy who teased me. I was lined up with my class one day and I kicked him and he kicked me back. I remember thinking that hurt and not going to that again. My parents never knew I was teased as I bottle it up. I think it was a subconscious decision because I thought I had to suck it up. I was brought up by a WW2 child who lived through air raids in London as a teenager.
I chose to go to a girls school because I hated boys because of that. In secondary school I was never teased as far as I can remember (over 50 years ago ).
Fast forward to being an adult I still don't like being teased (even if its gently teasing). I thought it was because I was teased as a child, however I now realised that I don't understand I am being teased e.g. I just done an open water swim in a lake last Saturday. I went to church the next day and some people were teasing about the number of the lake. Each lake near there had a number. I answered that I didn't know why it was called that number or that there were others. I thought they were being serious but they weren't. It took me a moment to realise they didn't want an explanation.
Is this a characteristic of autism. Not understanding when people tease you?
I wasn't treated bad during my 10 years at boarding school(Glengorse 1965-1970,Felsted 1970-1975) because I was a nasty person. I was introverted and shy,physically awkward, socially gauche, bad at sports. The shyness turning to social anxiety soon after starting at Felsted. Prep school was comparatively better than public school but that's not saying much. At prep school I was described as the missing link between ape and man. Last meal there just before leaving,unbeknownst to me, tobacco was put in my cup of tea. I drank some tea and some tobacco, and immediately felt very nauseous. I puked up at the end of term chapel service. The person who did it, was leaving too, knew that he wouldn't be punished. I'd had no idea he hated me so much.
At Felsted things went bad first night in the dorm. Other boys bragging about sex, and I was naively honest in saying I wasn't experienced. That marked me out as a 'weirdo', which was accentuated by my physical and social awkwardness. So many highly unpleasant things were said over the next nearly 5 years. The one that stands out though is a classroom of other boys directing monkey chants at me.That bullying was one of the main things that lead to a deterioration in my mental health. Nearly 50 years later I still struggle to cope with the psychological effects. Achievements wise I'm a very pale shadow of the person I could have been, because of the bullying- alongside other factors.
Just because you're autistic dosen't make you nice to be around, autistic people can have the same character flaws as NT's and Musk has the wealth to be able to indulge himself and bst away any challenges.
Thank you for your kind words and your support.
At this late stage of my life I am trapped. I still have zero social skills and interactions with people genuinely terrify me.
I have even been mocked and bullied by a psychiatrist, which was not pleasant.
Don’t you think though that autistic people over react sometimes and think they’re being bullied when they’re not at all. This is what then leads to actual bullying! Because someone might take the p*ss out of an autistic person just for a laugh but the autistic person will then over react because they take everything literally and don’t understand banter. This is what then causes them to get really bullied. Because they have been identified as soft targets by perpetrators because they can’t take a bit of banter for example. So it then causes others to see them as soft and target them in future. Humanity has a pecking order and a social hierarchy, autistic people tend to be lower on that pecking order. You may argue that ‘Elon Musk’ is ‘richest man’ in the world and he’s autistic. But who actually likes him?? No one. Everybody hates him and thinks he’s boring and unoriginal and weird. So ultimately money is irrelevant. Social dominance is more important. To obtain social dominance you have to be trustable, loyal, assertive, spontaneous and funny. People will love these things and will not bully you again. Just be nice basically! I got bullied in school sometimes because I was a little d*ck most of the time and I was always blaming everyone but myself. I’m glad I’m not like that now. It’s my fault I live with it I’m over it now. I also bullied others so I’m not all innocent and I don’t pretend to be either. I did some sh*tty things to other people at times. But your not gonna see me crying about being bullied because some kids did bully me but so did I so I am who I am and I am trying to be better everyday and not be a fool like I was when I was younger.
I am so sorry that you are and have been bullied. It should never consider that it is normal. People don't have the right to do this. Is there anyone or anything you can get help. As we say in schools zero tolerance and that how it should be for adults too. Shop have signs that their staff should not to treated disrespectfully and you should too. Get help it is NOT okay.
I now realize I have been teased and bulled my whole like. It is so normal for me. I still can't tell when I am being teased and the bullying has to become very severe and chronic before I even begin to consider it abnormal.
I am sorry you had such a tough time at school. Children can be so mean.
I saw the boys who teased me in primary school years later. I forgave him. I didn't know then that bullies are usually bullying because they are unhappy or struggling themselves.
Thank you
Along with so many other things, being teased often goes right over my head, that confuses the teasers or they get worse into outright bullying. People don't expect me to tease them though, but if they can dish it out they ought to be able to take it.
Definitely something I struggled with and still struggle with. Went to an all boys secondary school. Was teased mercilessly for 6 or 7 years because they knew they could get an extreme reaction out of me. And I remember once at primary school, aged about 10, that I stabbed someone with a pencil because of teasing. I have become better at not reacting outwardly so much, as I hate confrontation, but still can have an extreme internal stress reaction, which I struggle with. Autism obviously complicates this as it may be much harder to judge people's intentions.
NAS95507 said:Is this a characteristic of autism. Not understanding when people tease you?
Yes, it certainly can be one of the things that we struggle with.
What you're describing is a good example of the kinds of issues that we can have with understanding such things as jokes, sarcasm, metaphors and idioms - including due to being prone to thinking more literally than neurotypical people.
In terms of the diagnostic criteria, this falls under "persistent deficits in reciprocal social communication and social interaction".
More information - along with another article that you might find helpful, both from the NAS's diagnosis hub:
NAS - Criteria and tools used in an autism assessment
NAS - What can I do while waiting for an autism assessment?