jokes

I use ear plugs cause i can control the noise level on it and I usualy have it on the lowest setting. if possible i prefer it on i pad or laptop cause theres more volume control than my phone and on my phone if its even on the lowest setting is too noisy for me on my phone.

cause the ear plugs are new wireless ones it was my first time useing the wireless ones on my phone. i didnt find  out what it was like until its hurt my ears and i could hear it speaking even without them in my ears even though it was on the lowest  volume but on my laptop and i pad it isnt too loud normaly so I use those instead if and when possible 

 i remeber having less control over the wired ones and them being louder on my phone than i pad and laptop but these ones were much louder. my phone also has a smaller volume bar compared to my laptop and i pad.

im under the suspicion that phones having a low volume bar usualy apple may be partialy responsible for why i find peoples phones too loud even when they have it on the lowest  volume both with and without ear plugs.

tvs have a wider range of volume bar aswell tvs are usualy too loud for me at the volumes that are impossible for people that arnt born with hypersensitive hearing  to hear cause i can only tolerate at 8 10 at the most.

I find for me tvs arnt as mischievious as my phone when it comes to taking control of features you didnt give it permission to.  my phone can be a real trouble maker on ocassions without me being any where near it it turns itself up from the volume i set it to or turns it right down.

another thing its done is activate Siri when im oblivious so it writes up everything iv said if iv spoken to someone and says would you like me to send it? and sometimes before you even get a chance to look at it or speak it says sent

at that point you have to hope it didnt  say any gibberish or  anything problomatic that could be mis interpreted by the person on the other side

which could be literaly any  one  

the writing side it can have a mind of its own is auto correct dont get me started on auto correct again though that AI isnt any more intellegent and has written alot stranger things than Siri even things that have nothing to do with what I want to write if im sending a message to a family member. AI even though it can be helpful for people sometimes can be quiet troublemaker at times but it can be funny

iv got many storys from when i used to try speach and typing to see how reliable it was around the 2020 to 2022 period when communicating with family members aswell as auto correct it almost even got me into trouble depending on what the topic was about and the situation when messaging my family and what was mis written or heard which is something it did alot in the end so  i ended up relying  on standard typing if possible  to avoid any more mis interpretations and what not from AI.

my phone has decided cause it has a mind of its own that it would like to  have auto correct on by default and doesnt want to switch it off when i switch it off

which was very kind of it and it was thoughtful but not very helpful. 

so i ended  up usualy useing my i pad more which i can also message family on due to it being synced with my phone. i can. do the same on my laptop aswell though but like I said AI and auto correct can be very funny. 

Our speaker does that. I bet it's the same voice too!

so today something funny happened.  I was just listening to something  on my laptop with a pair of ear plugs when my ear plugs decided to pause what I was listening to directly on my laptop without my permission and said disconnected in a human voice.  

I wasnt impressed. my new wireless ear plugs can control my laptop aparnatly. i gave it permission to connect to my laptop so my laptop kindly communnicated to the ear plugs too.bear in mind i didnt give it permission to control the video though  thats  my job.  I was sucked in enjoying what im listening to and then it literaly paused what i was watching and listening to out of nowhere and spoke in a human voice.  it was like the  AI was taking over my laptop for 5 minutes  only  5 though.  all i had to do was reconnect again but i defanatly wasnt impressed that it paused the laptop for me without my permission.

I gave the ear plug a really good talking to after that 

I dont usualy talk ear plugs but this was a good exception 

I might get in trouble for this, but one has to admit, it's funny...

that sounds funny. now thar you mentioned it  this morning someone did note I got a very well hidden yet  mild bloodshot eye thats causeing no pain or symptoms whatsover which by movie standards could be a sign. by movie standards that  could be a sign  im a turning into  or gradualy morphing into a mad scientist or mad villian on a rampage  scary monster or zombie with bulging eyes.  they sometimes have  bloodshot eyes to make them look as scary as possible   but I dont think iv turned into anything  just yet thankfuly and hopefuly il gradualy morph  back to normal by  tomarow morning  and  it will just be me looking like a what you said probably still but like a remarkably plain and casual secret agent or something aswell

I'm picturing you saying it like a Bond villain... "I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond"

How did the young lady get out of the well? She ripped a ladder in her tights and climbed it out.

so for context for the joke today unfortunatly my routine has changed due to my i broprofen and ant biotics which is unsettling for me instead im having meds at 9 and 10 rather than 10 which has meant when i have my snaks had had to be changed about to before 9 if i want any usualy cause of my autism i like to be on time and not early or late. when my routine has been disrupted im comfused and do everything at the wrong time and freqently be late even if it is a new routine thats gone on for a long time that wasnt my origional routine I dont understand and usualy resist it. but with normal routines my body is like a clock that is set to the exact time for a routine almost like its a clock that has been wound to a specific time and either just about dead on goes off or goes goes off literaly dead on there and then. dead on

 it cant be early or late and in fact as a good example when my mum is early or late picking me up i get upset however that isnt the case here cause Mums not picking me up until tomarow. changes in routine mess with me mentally and i struggle to adapt. oddly though my body or mind is good at making it apear otherwise making it look as i have adapted to change even if its not the case internally that iv adapted to a change

but back to the actual change here and now  its my medication and timings as abouve but heres where the humourous part comes in 

I was just sitting having a snack long hand strikes 12 and there i am dead on upstairs standing in front of the person who hasnt even got it ready yet going to be giving it to me  as if iv teleported long hand still bang on the 12 mark on the clock so I said hi. she started getting ready and I said my  body is made so it knows its dead on you see so i come on up literaly dead on and that I exspect her to be congruent with the clock and do the same as I today and tomarow she said ok so I I said ok and then went up stairs very casually 

edit: she came upstairs this evening with my anti biotics so I checked the time and it was bang on so I yes its 10oclock well done. put my arm with the phone in it down to my side, looked up with a straight face  and said in a sireous yet casual tone  I exspect the same tomaorow 

nice one. sorry that  i missed it 

When it comes to programming jokes, I am reminded of this classic:

The partner of a computer programmer asks them, "Can you go down to the shop, and get a pint of milk, and if they have eggs, get six."

Later on the programmer returns home with six pints of milk. Their partner asks why they have six pints of milk.

The programmer responds "because they had eggs."

 I always found this funny because it is a bit like my default too.

great jokes you three I particularly found the bank and the programing ones funny 

So. A guy walks into a pet store in Seattle in the nineties and he sees three monkeys in cages wth prices varying between 5 and 50, 000$ us. There are small labels in front of the cages.

The first monkey is identified as a C monkey, the second as an ADA monkey & teh third label hasn;t been completed past it's given name...

Our guy asks the pet store owner, "So whats the deal? Why is this a C monkey and why is it 5000 bucks?" 

<crap,I'm into the punctuation excercise...> 

  "He's called a C monkey because he writes in C. Nice tight and recursive, like".

(FOR some reason the seattle pet store owner in this particular telling of the joke, comes from Liverpool)  

Our guy then asks the owner why the ADA monkey is so called, and is 20 thousand dollars more.

"well", says the Owner; "That ADA monkey is super smart, can accomplish any programming task using Any Damn Algorythm you can name or think of.."

"Hmm", thinks the owner, who does indeed have some inhouse programming obstacles he could use some help with, (and the H3 Visa people aren't working out so well) "There's just one question I need to ask..." (do you do speech amrks for a characters thinking?)  

"So what does this 50,000$ monkey do?

"We don't actually know," says the store owner, "but it says here, he is a "Contractor"..."

                                                  ______________

Thank you and goodnight, tip jar is over by the piano...

Upvoted for it's badness... ;c)

A software engineer walked with English teacher and they became programmer 

I used to work in a bank theres 2 reasons I no longer work in a bank 

I lost interest and I got in massive trouble because a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over 

they are very funny sometimes they can come out with all sorts of things and  you dont allways even know its been auto  corrected you until its already sent. Iv managed to catch it on a few ocassions but the majority dont show its been auto corrected until its processed the message and sent it its very sneaky iv had to give a long and detailed exsplanation as to why I said something once. one of the other funny ones that have happened to me before is where auto correct made up a completely different species out of the correct sentence one day i typed long eared owl to a greek family member in my other family and   after it sent I still didnt know auto correct corrected it cause I didnt check my message even though i normaly do and auto correct put watery eared owl instead of long eared owl so I got a unexspected  reply  saying are you sure its a watery eared owl? 

thats a good one 

Talking of auto correct hilarious mistakes, some years ago my partner wrote to an ex colleague to say he'd got a new job in a warehouse. I think he was trying to spell it "wharehouse" by mistake, but auto correct changed it to whorehouse!

I lost my job as a diplomat because I thought people who live in Paris were called Parisites. 

That does sound funny. 

Antibiotics can also make you feel a bit more tired too. It means they are doing their job.