jokes

so im just busy on something when suddenly i get a notification 

Mum

packing list for holiday ( its going to rain every day next week) 

that is literally how it came up on my desktop and most of the list as you can imagane is in preperation for it raining literaly every single day 

yes hopefuly.  there gonna want to watch it when there better and if its still  over powered and destroying everything in its path then Dad is really going to to have to get it fixed some of the dogs will probably hoover some of it up so that theres less mess but it will still look like someones or something has just got balistic hopefully its power goes back to normal by then but you never know with these things  

I really hope that you get to see them. (And that the TV gets back to normal power )

Mum and Dad is hoping to see me tomarow if there better then hopefully the  over powered tv thats gone mad hasnt caused too much mess im sure the dogs would of made a right racket and alerted them but year il let you know if the tv is still helping the mischiebious dogs destroy the place while there resting tomaow if I can go home tomarow 

belive it or not both my spare bottle and my bottle that isnt a spare has just gone missing.

for me  im usualy quit good at drinking alot I allways have my bottle with me all the time I allways have water or juice but usualy water cause i like water.  I allways have it with me  just like my camara cause i get thirsty easily.

im like those characters that allways have something with them and never seen without it. im very  used to seeing my stuff cause i have it with me all the time so I dont conciously think about them and then theres my atention.

 when i was younger i used to have pickachu with me all the time.  when I was 14  i started carrying water bottles everywhere cause I started  getting thirsty easily so iv been doing it ever since cause i still get just as thirsty easily which is alot and its useful haveing water with you all the time. 

I allways make sure i have a spare of something so that it doesnt go missing. before i used both cause of the tonsolitis but now iv gone from the spare bottle  to that one  and my  other bottle has gone missing aswell. usualy I dont use my spares unless  something goes missing 

My bottle has marks on it so I know to drink. I would be dehydrated if I didn't have that.

Iv got a very very good memory of life exsperiances and life events, and  things iv learned exspecialy facts and and it is very detailed and  vivid just as my imaganation but when it comes to things that require short term memory and things like rembering not to loose stuff   I can be very very clumsy Iv allways been like that.  its like my brains way of compensating.  so I loose things alot and usualy loose at least one thing when i go out somewhere I leave traces of where iv been but I also loose things in the house alot aswell. I find it hard to concentrate sometimes and I easily get distracted where my mind goes from one thing to the next too quickly or im just too absorbed in what im doing or thinking of other things which is why i loose stuff alot and I tend to put them in very strange places.

the things i loose most are usualy my galsess so itry to keep them in a certain place and not take them about. or my bottle. I take my bottle about alot and cause my atention isnt on it i leave it behind. I  usualy dont even know iv lost them when i have cause im not thinking about it.  I tend to put things down without taking any notice of where things are   but then when it comes to finding things  however im good at finding things.

sometimes i can go long time before knowing iv lost something and depending on the situation it can be funny. I put things in my pocket and keep things in my pocket alot so  iv left things in my poscket and many things have got washed in the washing machine. recently my ear plug went in and came out in good condition the person who did the washing machine told me its had a good clean and as usual exspected it not to work but every time they say that my things allways work after 

I have to keep glasses all over the house. I even have a magnetic plastic pair attached to the fridge door.

just found my spare glasess in the cuboard on the shelf that towels belong in goodness knows how they got in there by themselfs I wasnt exspecting to see them in there 

I dont know weather i undertsand the 3rd one or not cause i dont know what Doug means other than how it is used when it comes to dogs so if its a referance to dogs or not i dont know that is the only meaning i know. im not sure if I understand the gravity one or not unless its a pun on gravy if it is then that is funny 

but the tv one I find hillareous cause I got an image of the tv in the living room at home  with a massive mouth with teeth filling the abouve and below of its mouth in it and the overpowered part is funny 

I dont know  if at this point i should be concerned about my family cause my  Dad has got the flu and  since it looks like there tv has developed a mouth with teeth and its gone wacko due to being overpowered it doesnt look good in the slightest  i dont know what to say but I defanatly found the tv one funny so  found that one  the funniest 

Thinking about jokes/humour and the autistic brain a bit further, I must admit I'm seldom made to laugh helplessly by the classic 'here's one for you..' joke tellings one might encounter socially. (these also carry the pressure of additional masking - has one laughed convincingly? Was saying 'ah, that's clever' an acceptable surrogate response?) Which is why I appreciate the more oblique angles of approach to 'why does that tickle me/us?' on here so much. 

And has also put back into my head the sheer genius/joy of 'Kids Write Jokes' - which you can find online - jokes spontaneously constructed by children who haven't yet learned the rules of how humour 'should' work... and thus a million times funnier than anything a grown-up could come up with, even if they were to try and fake the freewheeling style that the kids just have innately.

A few examples of these jokes...

What do goats eat? Gravity!

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What do you call a tv with teeth? Overpowered!!!

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What did the boy say to the other boy? I don't know, what? Doug, you should stretch!

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tom hanks is a big dude not bye

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The joke is, elephant and the tiger. That’s it.

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Exquisite stuff...

You have some great stories.

I often dress 'incorrectly' for the weather. Like you, this doesn't mean that I have got it wrong for myself.

For example, even if really sunny and hot, I can't wear shorts or short sleeves because if my legs or arms get cold, they actually hurt and I don't think my blood circulation is good enough.

I can wear a woolly hat sometimes in summer because if there is any wind, then I get earache.

People think I am daft. And just like you, I don't care!

I do do things like that sometimes. i like to test myself and challange myself it can be funny sometimes depending in the idea i come up with. iv done things like prepeare for simulataneous weathers all at once by wearing a thsirt and shorts under a jumper and trousers to be safe. once i wore a jumper and shorts home but literaly packed a pair of trousers to wear just in case. 

Iv also tried drawing something with 2 hands simultaneously and it was a sucess even though im mainly right handed. iv also writeen with two hands simultaneously. once i put something in Mums hood while shes walking. when she put it up on her head she did find out eventualy not at first though. when i had my tonsolitus before i was diagnosed with it someone had to get some money with me so that i could take a bus cause the car was broken so I wore a exstremely thick and baggy winter coaat with a big thick hood  covers amost all of  my forehead cause its so big and big baggy collars that are so big it covers my mouth help cover my mouth and thick trousers   when it was sunny so no air goes down my throat. 

we went to get snacks while we were at it soft ones for my throat and i was the only one wearing a thick winter coat and trousers 

outside when I walked from the house to a place to get money out with the person and inside the  shop most people were wearing either jumpers or tshirts and not coats cause it was warm people looked at me on the way there and in the shop and on the way back but I wasnt bothered people looking at me isnt something that is important to me if people look at me for any reason when I go out. I told the person  taking me  its for self loyalty to protect my throat so the person with me  knew why i was doing it. 

when i was little I crawled through a cat flap and worried the one who was takng care of me so much she looked around everywhere for me and even phoned Mum and let her know she lost me but eventualy she found out.

dont know if i should tell people about the banana sword fight. I sword fighted the babysitters son and gave him a banana to take a  bite out of every time. 

I think it's so funny that you made your breakfast blindfolded 

by the way just thought I should say this now ao I dont have to later down the time line I might not understand all the jokes people  say on here even if others do so I might not allways comment and say things like  thats its funny every time someone makes a joke but im sure those that do will.

 if i dont understand a joke there can be many reasons for not understanding a joke or type of humor either cause of my autism or just cause I just dont understand that sort of joke. 

 some i might find funny some i might not and some I might find funnier than others. same for everyone else aswell

but just to be safe please dont let it put you off posting any jokes or any other humor for everyone to laugh about on the thread just cause I dont say thats funny or anything like that. everyone has there own humor. 

for me I have lots of different types of humor including himor that I call literal humor. 

 if theres any joke you can think of there  are other people who have a good sense of humor here aswell so even I dont someone else might do 

you can also post funny storys if you want to so it doesnt have to just be jokes  but as the title says you can also just post jokes if you want to its up to you 

this morning from when i got up and got ready iv been mainly wearing sunglasess cause the lighting in the house is too bright even though it hasnt got any brighter than normal. when i put them on i usualy look like a secret agent.  due to my learning disability i can only make simple food for breackfast and lunch and for lunch its usualy bread or cereal.  proper food like tea is made for me instead. so this morning I thought i would do a test and see how well i can make my breackfast blindfolded cause iv made my breackfast so often. it went well mostly. I  came up the stairs to let them know im ready for medication and I was wearing black sunglasess cause the house is way to bright and said im ready. I said guess what i made my breackfast blindfolded which made the person laugh and say what are you got spidy sense.  then later I came down only to go back up again to get my laundry for them to put in the washing machine  and ran into the person from earlier

who i acidently scared made jump on the stairs and I said sorry i made you jump and then she said no its not you its your glasses that made me jump 

that looks funny.

I found this - Pokémon on autocorrect.

I use ear plugs cause i can control the noise level on it and I usualy have it on the lowest setting. if possible i prefer it on i pad or laptop cause theres more volume control than my phone and on my phone if its even on the lowest setting is too noisy for me on my phone.

cause the ear plugs are new wireless ones it was my first time useing the wireless ones on my phone. i didnt find  out what it was like until its hurt my ears and i could hear it speaking even without them in my ears even though it was on the lowest  volume but on my laptop and i pad it isnt too loud normaly so I use those instead if and when possible 

 i remeber having less control over the wired ones and them being louder on my phone than i pad and laptop but these ones were much louder. my phone also has a smaller volume bar compared to my laptop and i pad.

im under the suspicion that phones having a low volume bar usualy apple may be partialy responsible for why i find peoples phones too loud even when they have it on the lowest  volume both with and without ear plugs.

tvs have a wider range of volume bar aswell tvs are usualy too loud for me at the volumes that are impossible for people that arnt born with hypersensitive hearing  to hear cause i can only tolerate at 8 10 at the most.

I find for me tvs arnt as mischievious as my phone when it comes to taking control of features you didnt give it permission to.  my phone can be a real trouble maker on ocassions without me being any where near it it turns itself up from the volume i set it to or turns it right down.

another thing its done is activate Siri when im oblivious so it writes up everything iv said if iv spoken to someone and says would you like me to send it? and sometimes before you even get a chance to look at it or speak it says sent

at that point you have to hope it didnt  say any gibberish or  anything problomatic that could be mis interpreted by the person on the other side

which could be literaly any  one  

the writing side it can have a mind of its own is auto correct dont get me started on auto correct again though that AI isnt any more intellegent and has written alot stranger things than Siri even things that have nothing to do with what I want to write if im sending a message to a family member. AI even though it can be helpful for people sometimes can be quiet troublemaker at times but it can be funny

iv got many storys from when i used to try speach and typing to see how reliable it was around the 2020 to 2022 period when communicating with family members aswell as auto correct it almost even got me into trouble depending on what the topic was about and the situation when messaging my family and what was mis written or heard which is something it did alot in the end so  i ended up relying  on standard typing if possible  to avoid any more mis interpretations and what not from AI.

my phone has decided cause it has a mind of its own that it would like to  have auto correct on by default and doesnt want to switch it off when i switch it off

which was very kind of it and it was thoughtful but not very helpful. 

so i ended  up usualy useing my i pad more which i can also message family on due to it being synced with my phone. i can. do the same on my laptop aswell though but like I said AI and auto correct can be very funny. 

Our speaker does that. I bet it's the same voice too!