I really want to conquer faking being normal. I don’t want the slightest bit of not appearing normal to shine through. It is exhausting but I work in nursing. I need to show that I’m capable and I start a new job next week.
I wonder why some people are neurodivergent and others are not. I’m quite late in realising it (21) but maybe because I’m female. I’ve had mental health problems all my life. I wish we knew more.
I suppose. I’m just due to start a new job next week. Full of anxiety and sure it’ll be obvious miles off that I’m not normal. I work in healthcare where there are lives on the line. I need to look capable and I can’t even make eye-contact.
Have you considered that a 'miraculously normalised' you, would not be you? Many autistic people would like their more distressing traits, for example heightened anxiety, neutralised or blunted, but would like to keep their good traits, for example joy in very focused interests, and therefore retain their autistic identity.
Your first sentence is only partially accurate. I've found in a differnt set of circumstances I can be ADVANTAGED by my Autism.
A simple example being the increased sound sensitivity caused me to hear faulty wirnig arcing very quietly in a house that my daughter was viewing...
You second sentence is full of DESIRE which Bhudda (apparently) said is the cause of all human unhappness. In this case you desire a chaneg to you own basic nature akin to desiring to change your skin colour.
Now there is a man who famously did exactly that, (Michael Jackson) but I'm not sure it made him happy...
Be careful what you wish for, is a piece of old wisdom that has served me well, when I've managed to remember it.
It is fine to feel this way - but have you thought it may be better to be genuinely you?
I don't want to push this too much since you have a strong preference to be something you are not, but the advantage to being genuine is it costs a heck of a lot less energy than to fake being "normal".
I'm afraid there is no cure - your differences were "baked in" during your brains development at around the age of 5 and it is most definitely fixed in its current mode.
You can feel however you want to feel about the situation - this is your right but it changes nothing I'm afraid. Understanding and working with your differences is the way to feel better long term though.
Sorry for the bitter sweet answer but I find honesty the best policy.
