Is it okay to feel this way?

Ruth said:

I want to be normal. Is it okay to feel this way?

It is fine to feel this way - but have you thought it may be better to be genuinely you?

I don't want to push this too much since you have a strong preference to be something you are not, but the advantage to being genuine is it costs a heck of a lot less energy than to fake being "normal".

Ruth said:

I want a cure

I'm afraid there is no cure - your differences were "baked in" during your brains development at around the age of 5 and it is most definitely fixed in its current mode.

You can feel however you want to feel about the situation - this is your right but it changes nothing I'm afraid. Understanding and working with your differences is the way to feel better long term though.

Sorry for the bitter sweet answer but I find honesty the best policy.

I really want to conquer faking being normal. I don’t want the slightest bit of not appearing normal to shine through. It is exhausting but I work in nursing. I need to show that I’m capable and I start a new job next week.

I wonder why some people are neurodivergent and others are not. I’m quite late in realising it (21) but maybe because I’m female. I’ve had mental health problems all my life. I wish we knew more.

Good luck with the new job! I'm also late in realising that I may be autistic (male, early 60s). I've also had mental health problems for pretty much all my life. It's very hard to deal with and I wish you strength. Perhaps there will be some useful advice here.

One thing... NHS staff, by law, should be getting autism training (different levels of training depending on their role). I wonder if you have had that training, and whether your colleagues have. I know they are only human but perhaps they would understand some of your behaviour if they knew you were neurodivergent. Do you have a diagnosis? 

NHS staff need to know how to treat autistic people and maybe working with you could help them. I would personally be reluctant to come out with it on day one - I'm just not like that. I hope that in time you will find some allies.

Good luck with the new job! I'm also late in realising that I may be autistic (male, early 60s). I've also had mental health problems for pretty much all my life. It's very hard to deal with and I wish you strength. Perhaps there will be some useful advice here.

One thing... NHS staff, by law, should be getting autism training (different levels of training depending on their role). I wonder if you have had that training, and whether your colleagues have. I know they are only human but perhaps they would understand some of your behaviour if they knew you were neurodivergent. Do you have a diagnosis? 

NHS staff need to know how to treat autistic people and maybe working with you could help them. I would personally be reluctant to come out with it on day one - I'm just not like that. I hope that in time you will find some allies.

Yeah true, I have had the Oliver McGowan training. And you’ve just reminded me that there might actually be a “staff network” group for this - we have ones for LGBT+ and BAME+ staff members etc. I thought of it when you mentioned allies. Thank you very much!