Losing the fight for belonging

By conventional standards my life has been a abject failure. Never had a paid job. Poor by modern standards educational qualifications. No friends.  I struggle to belong, or at least feel that I don't belong. Good alternative metrics  = Try and help others as much as I can. Not too shabby as a father,grandfather, and great grandfather  to my chosen family.  With more help and support I could've done better in life, but then very likely wouldn't have the chosen family that I love ocean deep and sky high.

Hello, I am really sorry that you are struggling. It helps me to remember that the rules of the society and cultures we are living in were designed/shaped by the and for the majority in this case Neurotypical people. 

As our brain work differently trying to fit into a system that does not work for us will always be very difficult and exhausting. This helps me to remind myself that there is noting wrong with me, but I am living in a system stacked against me. 

I think belonging is very important and I am searching for it too but on your way to finding it just try and remember that your lack of belonging is because you are special and unique so it means it might take longer to find the right, job, partner, etc.

I hope this helps, I feel lonely too but feel that it is worth looking after yourself, being kind to yourself until you do find your place in the world.

It's not that I'm losing the fight, it's just that I don't care enough, So I always walk away...

Belonging is something we all need.  An unmasked autist is an honest autist.  And it's honesty that gets us in trouble.  You are supposed to come towards the views of others somewhat. But if  I don't agree with others I just say so. I can be my own worst enemy and that may be true of others Autists. I'm fairly certain that is is.

Spring chicken !!  You have youth on your side.  You are not even half way through your life!!  Don't panic.

Instead I languish in unemployment, self loathing and loneliness as the days go by and I struggle to find my place in the world.

This is far from uncommon amongst us.......but there are plenty of old and older folk amongst us here who prove that it IS possible to survive, and in some cases, thrive.

I'm not sure that it is wholly possible to avoid the self loathing (although some seem to report this ability.)

I'm not sure that it is wholly possible to avoid the loneliness (even if you have a loving partner and lots of people "around" you.)

I am certain that you CAN get some form of employment.

I am certain that you CAN find a loving partner.

I am certain that these two things are rarely easy.

Sometimes, I think we can try too hard for the things that we desperately feel the need to have or achieve, whilst allowing time to slip away from our lives.

Sometimes, I think we can subconsciously impose "normie" definitions of these things that you (and most of us) want.  For example, a loving partner can be in forms that face ridicule amongst normie folk.......think widely.  Similarly, "employment" can start in a form that you never imagined and then evolve into something more tangible.

I think we should try to simply live our lives, as they unfold before us.......and then those things that we want or need have a significantly higher chance of presenting themselves to us?

When I was suffering with the overwhelming sense of "everything you say above".......I had to work REALLY hard just to get up and do ANYTHING!!  It was incredibly hard to do.  It felt pointless and meaningless.  BUT........

Eventually, things did improve, without me really noticing it.  Nothing "dramatically" good happened, but I did find myself integrated into the world again - almost via some kind of weird osmosis.

Why do I tell you these things?!...........= because I don't want you to think that it is all just hopeless.  It is difficult, but not impossible.

Dear NAS94841, 

Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We hope you can find a sense of belonging on our online community, many of our members use the platform to connect and chat with other autistic people. 

You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health   

You may find our page on autistic fatigue and burnout of interest to you: www.autism.org.uk/.../autistic-fatigue  

If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: www.autism.org.uk/.../seeking-help. 

In addition you may want to contact your local branch, we have 115 volunteer-led branches across the UK. Our hard-working volunteers run support, information and social activities for autistic adults, children and their families in their local area. They also organise and join in with fundraising and campaigning. Find out more by searching for a branch near you: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/local-branches 

We also have volunteer-led online branches for autistic people to reach out and seek peer support for a shared interest, identity or experience: www.autism.org.uk/.../online 

Kind Regards,

Rosie Mod

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Don't worry - I do have more to say.......but it will take me a few minutes to compose......roughly how old are you?

Excellent - thank you.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Would you be kind enough just to say good morning to me here.....now?