Is it normal to get grief from your parents when you're not working?

Sorry sometime post placing seems to get muddled, either by me or the site if someone posts a reply when another is being typed.

HMO, it's a difficult one, I know that many families like yours have a very short list of acceptable careers and that you're supposed to achieve the higher levels within those professions. About the only thing I can suggest is that you try and move out, even if you do end up on benefits. If you did this would your family cast you out and not speak to you and make life difficult for you?

HMO, if your parents think you are fit enough to work, then it is normal to get concern from them unless you perhaps are from a low income family who have been on the benefit system and don't have much goals for their children. I don't  know your background but recall some posts where I think you mentioned that your parents were immigrants. If  this the case I say to that this can be at times an added burden on some as the parents left their country of origin for a better life and they can be more  aspirational for their children. Most though I think want their children to be able to provide for themselves in life and be working.

HMO said:

My problem is that I can't get it out of my head that it'll never be enough

Low self esteem is quite common for autists and it sounds like a subject to get your hard working therapist helping you with.

HMO said:

Even if I get a stable job, they will pick at something else

If you use that line of reasoning then you will never get out of bed again. Stuff them! Do it for you and if they try to drag you down then go after them hard. I'm not advocating violence but there are ways to make them think twice about ever crossing you.

Use your masking skills if you don't think you can do it - fake it 'till you make it should you need to.

In the end go after the jobs for you as this is the only person who matters. Your family and friends don't seem to have your back so make sure you do it yourself.

Get that job, save up enough and get the hell out of there to start afresh. That would be my approach.

I've done it once or twice, not because I was running away from something but just looking for a fresh start to make the most of what abilities I had to offer.

Yes. My parents are from Pakistan so have had a vastly different upbringing to me (I've lived here my whole life).

TheCatWoman, I'm working on the assumption that your reply to my comment is intended for HMO and not me. Lol.

I'm drawing attention to it for HMO's benefit... I hope that makes sense.

Is it a cultural thing with your family? My daughter in law is Indian and her family put her under tremendous pressure to do things, it's not just her mum, but the entire extended family too. She said she was really happy to have a British mother in law with no expectation of how she had to look after my son and that she wouldn't have to live in near slavery as many Indian brides do.

One of the things that she and my son fell out over was that he works to live, she lives to work, it seems a very cultural thing.

This is so tough. From your parents point of view, they will be worried what happens when they are no longer around.

I get grief from my wife now that I've been going through a very long bad patch. But she does mean well. Neuro-typicals aren't perfect - sometimes their frustrations will bubble up.

yes. but only if your living in their house.

if your out in your own accomodation then its more concern over it rather than anger over it.

In my case they seem to think I'm just being lazy and that I can't be arsed. I guess when the entire world tells you that they hate you and want you off the face of the earth, finding a job isn't your highest priority. Not to mention people digging into your LinkedIn profile so they have the opportunity to alert past/present employers - not working at the time actually worked in my favour there.

My problem is that I can't get it out of my head that it'll never be enough. Even if I get a stable job, they will pick at something else. Because of this, I almost want to not bother at all. 

I may well have further ambitions, as we all do, but I'd rather not have the worry of "get married, buy a house" foisted on me as well.

They've eased at times when my skin has flared up due to stress, but not for long. 

It is more common than you may think, especially if you are able to pass as "normal" some of the time.

Some parents think their kids are milking their condition so they have an easy ride - it isn't nice that they do this but they are human and prone to all the failings that go with this.

They want you to do well and will push you in whatever way they think will achieve this. Sometimes it comes across as supportive and other times borderline abusive. The intention is probably good however so unless they are outright nasty to you, I would consider it their way of expressing affection.

Given that autism is highly likely to be hereditory then at least one of your parents is likely to be on the spectrum too.

HMO said:

Even though it has, at points, been physically taxing to the point I've had no choice but to stop. Or not search at all because there's something else going on for whatever reason.

It is tough in your situation but your only way forward is perseverance and getting through the pain.

You have to keep all the usual avenues of application going, attending the interviews and nursing the contacts you have  as well as being creative to find other ways of making money.

I've spent up to 4 months in this mode in the past and I get it that it is really hard, but not giving up is the only way to achieve this route. Giving up means a life of dependancy on others, crime or having to set yourself up on OnlyFans to make a living.

None of which I would recommend so stay the course.

I try and explain that it's not like I've not been searching properly or anything, but it doesn't change anything. 

Believe me, I'd rather be working, but if I do something I don't enjoy and dread going to, I won't even last long enough to get paid. 

I feel for you because when I consider some of the things you have previously said about your parents, they don't seem as understanding as they could be.

You're doing your best, which is all you can do. It's just sad that your parents cannot seem to see that.