Published on 12, July, 2020
Even though it has, at points, been physically taxing to the point I've had no choice but to stop. Or not search at all because there's something else going on for whatever reason.
They also don't consider freelance contracts to be a "real job", so by that definition I haven't worked a day in my life over the last 9 years since leaving full time education.
I applied for a paid shadowing programme and was invited to a workshop. I didn't get it so it feels very much "back at square one" as it sounded like the perfect opportunity.
I've done so much cold emailing and applying to no avail - I know it becomes a full time job in itself. My aim is to spend the next week digging into contacts I have instead.
It is more common than you may think, especially if you are able to pass as "normal" some of the time.
Some parents think their kids are milking their condition so they have an easy ride - it isn't nice that they do this but they are human and prone to all the failings that go with this.
They want you to do well and will push you in whatever way they think will achieve this. Sometimes it comes across as supportive and other times borderline abusive. The intention is probably good however so unless they are outright nasty to you, I would consider it their way of expressing affection.
Given that autism is highly likely to be hereditory then at least one of your parents is likely to be on the spectrum too.
HMO said:Even though it has, at points, been physically taxing to the point I've had no choice but to stop. Or not search at all because there's something else going on for whatever reason.
It is tough in your situation but your only way forward is perseverance and getting through the pain.
You have to keep all the usual avenues of application going, attending the interviews and nursing the contacts you have as well as being creative to find other ways of making money.
I've spent up to 4 months in this mode in the past and I get it that it is really hard, but not giving up is the only way to achieve this route. Giving up means a life of dependancy on others, crime or having to set yourself up on OnlyFans to make a living.
None of which I would recommend so stay the course.
In my case they seem to think I'm just being lazy and that I can't be arsed. I guess when the entire world tells you that they hate you and want you off the face of the earth, finding a job isn't your highest priority. Not to mention people digging into your LinkedIn profile so they have the opportunity to alert past/present employers - not working at the time actually worked in my favour there.
My problem is that I can't get it out of my head that it'll never be enough. Even if I get a stable job, they will pick at something else. Because of this, I almost want to not bother at all.
I may well have further ambitions, as we all do, but I'd rather not have the worry of "get married, buy a house" foisted on me as well.
They've eased at times when my skin has flared up due to stress, but not for long.
HMO said:My problem is that I can't get it out of my head that it'll never be enough
Low self esteem is quite common for autists and it sounds like a subject to get your hard working therapist helping you with.
HMO said: Even if I get a stable job, they will pick at something else
If you use that line of reasoning then you will never get out of bed again. Stuff them! Do it for you and if they try to drag you down then go after them hard. I'm not advocating violence but there are ways to make them think twice about ever crossing you.
Use your masking skills if you don't think you can do it - fake it 'till you make it should you need to.
In the end go after the jobs for you as this is the only person who matters. Your family and friends don't seem to have your back so make sure you do it yourself.
Get that job, save up enough and get the hell out of there to start afresh. That would be my approach.
I've done it once or twice, not because I was running away from something but just looking for a fresh start to make the most of what abilities I had to offer.