Late life diagnosis - autism imposter syndrome?

Oh I feel this so hard! My partner is very dismissive when it comes to me speaking about MH or trying ever so hard to speak about how I feel and that I suspect I am autistic. He has a very 'snap out of it' mentality and it's so upsetting. I just want to be able to vent to my closest about what I think and feel

What you describe is very like my experience, though I'm waiting for assessment. I fluctuate between thinking that I probably am autistic (there are certainly lots of signs that I might be and I score very highly in most of the tests) and thinking there may be other reasons I am as I am. I'm not sure exactly how I was as a child - never really felt that I fitted in, but there might be lots of reasons for that. Any difficulties I had were never addressed and I worked out how to do it for myself - more or less, but have always struggled. I do eye contact some of the time at least. I feel I can read social situations relatively, though I'm very much not at home in them.

I doubt that I'm autistic, though it clearly makes a good deal of sense. I think I'd still doubt it after diagnosis, although possibly less so. Either way, I am discovering that I am not neurotypical regardless of the label and I'm having to rethink how I am, have been and how I might be. It's difficult, but not entirely unhopeful.

Not all the advice I see is helpful. We're all different and have to work it out for ourselves. I hear about people who are diagnosed late finding groups of like minded people where they can unmask and be themselves, for example. I don't feel I could ever do this, but I suppose I may be surprised, as my identity may start to shift slowly. It has to be slowly for me as I don't like change. I need to give myself time and space to adapt gradually.

Good luck!

Yes I had a late diagnosis and am late 50s now. I also am very empathetic. Its a NT misunderstanding of us that we can't have empathy. I have learnt to keep eye contact but still find it uncomfortable. I  have learnt what to do in social situations but again do not enjoy most of these times.  So maybe you have learnt behaviour from growing up. I also had some time of doubting my diagnosis but do not any longer. I think relax about it,  you are who you thought you were still. All the best. 

I was diagnosed in my late 40s. I have learned to do the eye contact etc. since childhood, and am very empathetic (often too much).

I think people of our generation still have a vision of Autism as "Rain Man" and it is why we did not consider it until more advanceed age. We did not fit the incredibly wring stereotype.

I do think it explains an awful lot of difficulties I have had in my life, and certainly issues I had as a child / teen.

And yet these very same people accuse us of being “freaks and weirdos” with “mental health issues”, see us as being “hopeless and heedless” in “attracting and inviting” their prejudiced and discrimatory bullying behaviour towards ourselves by our own actions and behaviour, telling us to “cop ourselves on” (or else they will go all Lugs Brannigan on us) and at the same time will push us towards a diagnosis when they secretly maintain that the reason we have it is because we were not slapped hard enough and often enough as kids and they believe that the only way to “cure” our autism is a severe beating from them or from the police/army (all of the above has been said to me on many occasions even after my diagnosis) 

It is odd, isn't it? Attention seeking. Probably the biggest group who wants to be left alone most of the time and not get any attention. I hate being the center of attention. My wedding was both the best and one of the most exhausting days of my life.

I brought up the subject of autism to my dad and brother when someone in the media was diagnosed as being autistic, as hopefully a way to start ‘the’ conversation about my diagnosis a year ago. They responded with “it’s not autism it’s attention seeking”. No surprises that I still haven’t told them and have to go through the most exhausting masking process whenever I am in there company. 

Yes - looking up that book myself.

I  was diagnosed in May 2019, at the age of 62. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't moved to a new area to be near my daughter. My previous mental health team, in Essex, repeatedly ignored me when I expressed my belief that there was more going on than just severe mental illness. My dogged insistence had me labelled 'awkward and troublesome', 'a very dependant narcissist', and my dx changed from schizoaffective mixed to personality disorder nos, That was in 2005. A few years later it was changed to paranoid pd.

My 1st psych appointment here in Wiltshire my daughter came with me. She raised the question of autism. Unlike the pdoc etc in Essex the psychiatrist spent quite a lot of time asking me questions. He said the best fits were schizophrenia and ASD. 2 weeks later I received notification I was going to be assessed. 7 months after that psych appointment I was given an Asperger's diagnosis. It had taken nearly 2 decades from first reckoning there was more going on than just severe mental illness.

I had a post diagnosis appointment at which I was given a large booklet , and was told what the diagnosis meant. That was it.

At age 53, having been diagnosed in 2021 (diagnosis carried out online via Zoom due to Covid) especially given this, I really do need an in-person post-diagnostic assessment to assess my level of autism and appropriate supports required going forward and this should be a basic legal entitlement and basic legal obligation on service providers both public and private - whether a jobcentre would pay for such a post-diagnostic assessment when claiming Universal Credit is another matter entirely 

That book looks good, ordered it now!

I think that the best we can hope for is the diagnosis allows us the make changes for ourselves without feeling too bad about it - we can't really hope for too much from other people, sadly.

I'm 50 and just been diagnosed. When I told people I knew I was trying to get a diagnosis their main response was "Why?" they could not understand why I would even want to get a diagnosis, despite everyone being fairly confident that I was indeed on the spectrum, I was made to feel like I was wasting my time and everyone else's time. 

Me too. Feel so guilty about it.

Snap with me and burnout. Over the last 6 years I have had a very traumatic change in my life. I was told I had complex PTSD, my living arrangements changed 3 times in two years. I suffered a major bereavement but found my wonderful partner. She suspected I was autistic just by little things I would do and say. Then I went private for diagnosis as the waiting list was horrendous. I was lucky I could afford the nearly two grand to pay for it. I thought that would change everything for the better but boy was I wrong. I had a major shutdown which led to burnout. I still have not returned to my role at work. I have been refused adjustments and contemplating the next steps.

I feel so tired all the time, I struggle to do anything = still in burnout and I really don't know how to get out of it!

I'm similar to you. Except, after my MSc, I left academia for the normal workforce, but was mostly able to work on my own. I burned out badly in the last few years which was responsible for my diagnosis journey.

Having only been diagnosed last year in my fifties I have had a real struggle for acceptance from myself that I am autistic. I'm still learning but I do suffer with imposter syndrome. I have a number of degrees and a fairly successful career in science. So I can't be autistic right? Well no I am!

I've never been good in social situations and have very few if any friends. I have been controlled and abused throughout my life. My diagnosis changed all that? No but it is beginning too. I am more aware of myself and the nasty discriminatory thinking of NT's.

Basically I have learned to strive to be kind to myself, I'm not weird or a failure, I'm just me!!!

I sympathize - to be clear though, everyone who was late diagnosed like us has been autistic all their lives. It's not something that you get or develop. I'm sure you know this, but it wasn't clear. 

There are some very nice ladies out there. You have to meet in the middle somewhat (as with everything) One of the positive things that my wife said about me was that I didn't play games (Autism at it's best) and she liked that after her previous relationships.

I empathise with you,as i was only diagnosed with aspergers in 2015,but the difference being that i have been autistic for most of my life and am now 66.

Since being diagnosed i have had no support from the NAS at all,whereas if i was a child up to the age of 18, they would be queuing up to give me support. i think it's pure discrimination by the NAS and other so-called mental health organisations.

Also i have great difficulty starting a relationship as most women i know, do not want to have a relationship with a 66 year old man who lives alone and who has aspergers.

That is really s h * t. It is so weird how people react. The only friend who actually engaged with me about it is bipolar. The rest just sent a sentence or two, or nothing at all.

I've just started reading "Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism" by Pierre Novellie. I'm not that far into it, but it's quite good so far. He does explain people's reactions a little bit. (This book only came out yesterday)

Is your partner able to advocate for you with your mother in law? Can they explain what a big deal it is to you and how her reaction hurt?