Late life diagnosis - autism imposter syndrome?

Bloody hell. Okay, so I told my mother-in-law about my diagnosis yesterday and without missing a beat she told me that you can read anything into "these things" as its just like a horoscope and that "everyone is neurodivergent" these days. I feel so humiliated and embarrassed for even mentioning it. 

Both re being autistic and with  being intelligent - I struggle with imposter syndrome. I expect at any moment to be revealed as a 'fake', a 'wannabe'. Even with using  https://en.commtap.org/mcprobcalc I tend to think I just got lucky on a high range IQ test, or that almost anyone could've done well on it.

A lot of the problem re being 'autistic' is  that I don't fit in with the 'high achievers' or at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Thanks - so helpful :D

Empathy is a big factor for some ND folk. You may have set up camp in that group.

The eye contact as well: some of us are good at it. Some of us not so much.

I would not worry about labels. Just be your – most authentic, unique, awesome – self!

As Oscar Wilde would then add "Everyone Else Is taken. That is all we can do.

I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome a lot, and I’m coming to realise there are other comorbidites that hide my autistic traits. Taking the RAADS-R test (and other similar tests) has been reassuring for me (available on the “embrace autism” website), especially given it’s slightly more biased towards a false negative than a false positive (IIRC). It’s also important to remember that a lot of the diagnostic criteria is structured around traumatised and stressed autistic people- if you lived in a neurodiversity affirming or more suitable environment as a child, it’s not necessarily surprising other non-traumatised traits may be missed. 
The part I’m working on now is accepting that I can be deserving of help and validation even if I’m not ‘struggling the most’. 

Thanks, JT. This is really sage advice. Ultimately, I think it will help me be kinder to myself and those around me. Meditation sounds like a really good plan.

Guided. I use the Calm app. Or sometimes an app called 'Insight Timer'. I also take time with bare feet and walk in nature sometimes to just breath, this has been shown to reduce stress and inflammation.

I know that this was in answer to the original post, but I can so relate to this. Thank you for posting. 

What type of meditation do you use please. X

I defo relate to this. Diagnosed at 40, the ongoing exploration and realisation of problems I've encountered in life are because of this, but still somehow often feels like a dream even though I know it's true. I think this feeling of detachment from it is a way for your brain to cope with the identity change that is occurring. Slowly opening up and discussing this with others (acceptance) is starting to bear fruit. Will always be hard though, the questions of self-doubt in many situations will be a lifelong experience from diagnosis onwards I feel.

On the positive side though, even though we didn't know before, we weren't living our true lives. Now we are. The stigmas attached to neurodiversity, disability,  or other related challenges are real yes, but remember, they are other people/society's problem. You/we are perfect as we are.

I recommend daily meditation. Has helped me refind my core

I mean, a diagnosis is good if you need accommodations for certain needs, because things might be difficult for you otherwise. I mean, a doctor told me that even for things like anxiety and depression, everyone goes through ups and downs in life because life is not perfect, but a diagnosis is if those things are affecting your daily life to the point that it's affecting your job, school, home life, for 6 months or longer, and becoming problematic to your life. Then getting a diagnosis would help you get further treatment and accommodations for it. 

Thanks Mark. Yes, that's a really good point. I'm think a lot of this is probably because of the neurotypical stereotypes about autism that I've internalised. 

This is a good article.

https://embrace-autism.com/introducing-autistic-impostor-syndrome/

Also don't fall into the empathy stereotype. We are more often than not extremely empathetic. I'm too empathetic.

Thank you, that's really helpful :) 

I cannot offer you any advice, but what I can say is that imposter syndrome is incredibly common.

If you spend enough time on these forums, the lived experience of other members may cause you to doubt your diagnosis. However, you may later read something that really resonates with you, and fits with your own experience of autism.

I have known for a number of years that I'm autistic, and even now I sometimes go through spells of doubting it. Based on the things I've read, it's normal.