Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm in my late 50s - have just had a diagnosis of autism confirmed.
Certainly, as an adult I'm very structured and have fixed routines (prefer to do the same thing each day, eat the same thing for days on end, really struggle with social anxiety which I think manage with 'scripting' but a lot of this has become second nature, I have a couple of artistic interests which I get very focused on to the exclusion of other things). I think I might be alexithymic in that I have a very poor sense of what my own emotional state is, but I'm pretty good at reading other people's states.
While the diagnosis has led me to a few "oh of course" moments, it's also been really confusing since as a child I don't think I exhibited any of the signs that are associated with autism. Similarly, I can make eye contact with people and feel as though I'm pretty empathetic and know what to do in social situations.
All of this has got me doubting my diagnosis and wondering if I'm autistic at all? In fact, rather than giving me answers I feel a bit like my identity up to now has been taken away?
Any advice in dealing with this would be really appreciated.
Bloody hell. Okay, so I told my mother-in-law about my diagnosis yesterday and without missing a beat she told me that you can read anything into "these things" as its just like a horoscope and that "everyone is neurodivergent" these days. I feel so humiliated and embarrassed for even mentioning it.
I brought up the subject of autism to my dad and brother when someone in the media was diagnosed as being autistic, as hopefully a way to start ‘the’ conversation about my diagnosis a year ago. They responded with “it’s not autism it’s attention seeking”. No surprises that I still haven’t told them and have to go through the most exhausting masking process whenever I am in there company.
That is really s h * t. It is so weird how people react. The only friend who actually engaged with me about it is bipolar. The rest just sent a sentence or two, or nothing at all.
I've just started reading "Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism" by Pierre Novellie. I'm not that far into it, but it's quite good so far. He does explain people's reactions a little bit. (This book only came out yesterday)
Is your partner able to advocate for you with your mother in law? Can they explain what a big deal it is to you and how her reaction hurt?