Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm in my late 50s - have just had a diagnosis of autism confirmed.
Certainly, as an adult I'm very structured and have fixed routines (prefer to do the same thing each day, eat the same thing for days on end, really struggle with social anxiety which I think manage with 'scripting' but a lot of this has become second nature, I have a couple of artistic interests which I get very focused on to the exclusion of other things). I think I might be alexithymic in that I have a very poor sense of what my own emotional state is, but I'm pretty good at reading other people's states.
While the diagnosis has led me to a few "oh of course" moments, it's also been really confusing since as a child I don't think I exhibited any of the signs that are associated with autism. Similarly, I can make eye contact with people and feel as though I'm pretty empathetic and know what to do in social situations.
All of this has got me doubting my diagnosis and wondering if I'm autistic at all? In fact, rather than giving me answers I feel a bit like my identity up to now has been taken away?
Any advice in dealing with this would be really appreciated.
Having only been diagnosed last year in my fifties I have had a real struggle for acceptance from myself that I am autistic. I'm still learning but I do suffer with imposter syndrome. I have a number of degrees and a fairly successful career in science. So I can't be autistic right? Well no I am!
I've never been good in social situations and have very few if any friends. I have been controlled and abused throughout my life. My diagnosis changed all that? No but it is beginning too. I am more aware of myself and the nasty discriminatory thinking of NT's.
Basically I have learned to strive to be kind to myself, I'm not weird or a failure, I'm just me!!!
I'm similar to you. Except, after my MSc, I left academia for the normal workforce, but was mostly able to work on my own. I burned out badly in the last few years which was responsible for my diagnosis journey.