Communication

Some people believe that the only way to manage autism is by means of ultra strict Milltary style discipline, not permitting people with autism to live alone without a live in carer and constantly screaming commands at an autistic person to be quiet and keep their opinions to themselves because it’s just the dysfunction talking, that they must be constantly reminded forcefully that they are always deemed wrong by default and incapable of common sense as in “cop yourself on” which they see as “tough love - for thier own good” - some people, even in this day and age, still believe that autism is caused by not enough, hard enough and frequent enough corporal punishment in childhood to root out any and all inappropriate and dysfunctional behaviour in childhood 

It did not do that to me.

Damn, everything seems to change for the worst... I'll stop recommending that one and see if I can find another one.

I liked that one because it turned out to score me within a percent or so the same as the NHS questionaire.

Really glad for the heads-up. I'm afraid whether you let them take that penny is up to you.  

By the way I Sperg

Were you the guy restoring the motorbike? Did we chat about that a while ago?

If so how’s it going? 

I Sperg said:

Do the online aspergerstestsite.com first, then when he says "you can't possibly be Autistic" like mine did, ask him, "why do I score so highly then?"

Thanks for that I Sperg

I did it but when I try to download it wants to charge me 1p. I’m worried I’m signing up to something. Is it safe and a one off payment? 

Im not being tight honest,  just get caught out with things sometimes. Ha ha 

"I would rather go to a library than to a party"

Sometimes there's a good one in these quizzes. LOL

Do the online aspergerstestsite.com first, then when he says "you can't possibly be Autistic" like mine did, ask him, "why do I score so highly then?"

NAS77976 said:

I find people exhausting

I can too.

im not too bad at 1 to 1 but in groups I fall to bits. I really struggle to cope with to much noise. My brain doesn’t seem to be able to keep up and I constantly get told I’m way behind in the conversation. Add to that some music and I have to head to the bathroom for regular intervals. I’m interested in knowing what any of you recommend in preparation for an assessment? I’m really worried that I mask so well that I won’t be taken seriously. 

yes definitely, and then I end up getting overwhelmed attempting to correct the situation, and ruminating over it for days afterwards, such a waste of energy! It's gotten much worse since getting older, i now overanalyse every question and take so much longer to respond to questions because of that. 

Do you ever feel like if you are put on the spot, and you answer but you didn't answer correctly, or in a way that you actually believe, the person will run with it and it is way too complicated to fix? 

Example: i was in a bar with someone once and they asked me a question and I said "I don't like people", what I meant was "I find people exhausting so I limit my time around them". The person I was with had coded the first response and the conversation was going wrong so I gave up. 

I'm terrible at being put on the spot with questions i'm unprepared for, so it was really important to me that I thoroughly documented examples that meant i didn't have to rely on my speech.

NAS77976 said:

As I get older I find it harder to bite my tongue, because apparently people don't like it if you say something like "i don't think you have thought or read about this enough to have an opinion".

That is so true.

When I was younger I used to just listen and not say much back, because trying find the words was way too difficult. 

As I get older I find it harder to bite my tongue, because apparently people don't like it if you say something like "i don't think you have thought or read about this enough to have an opinion".

It's still difficult to find the words, I've just become better at saying, that I don't know what people are talking about.

In groups of people it's like they are speaking in tongues. 

I’m heading for 70. Talking to people is exhausting. Listening is good - I’ve never met anybody who didn’t like to be listened to. I do sometimes warn people that I am listening although I am not looking at them.  Expressing any opinion is risky, except with trusted friends. I avoid face to face conversations (far too much information from faces and body language to process at the same time as trying to think). Side by side conversations seem to be more rewarding - in the car, or walking for example.

I was assessed last year on Zoom (on the NHS). No idea what my assessor actually looked like.  The questions confused me and I felt like I was not being understood, or they thought I was untruthful. Distressing, and such a relief when I was told “Yes you are autistic”. So it was worthwhile in the end. Now I know for sure I’m different and that’s okay. More than okay.

Exactly, and I think it is a major flaw in the process. I had a mental health crisis and therapy in 2018 and now I've completely changed loads of things about my life and what I do and don't agree to, because during that process I realized I might be autistic. I'm not sure I can be bothered to deal with them, I'm the expert of me.

Yeah it seems they sucked *** at their job lol. Reminds me of the time a therapist asked me if I like staying in the dark, for depression diagnosis, and when I said no he almost completely gave up on the diagnosis. I still sometimes laugh about that.

Yeah I think it's hard to feel close enough to them especially if it's just over one session, I wouldn't be able to be more like myself or even tell the truth in that situation honestly, it feels unsafely vulnerable. 

I don't think my assessor was very good. They diagnosed me in the session and gave me two weeks to think about whether I wanted the diagnosis and then changed their mind. 

They also mentioned a tonne of stereotypes like lining posters up, and I sat their thinking that the person doesn't know what they are doing. Who doesn't put posters up straight at first? 

However my self talk told me to bite my tongue didn't let me say anything. 

I also didn't take any lists of evidence which someone said I should do because I thought it was the assessors job to ask good questions and I didn't want to bias the assessment. 

They didn't ask good questions. I have a feeling I mask more (like making soul sucking eye contact) with people i don't like or trust. 

Hard work.

Yes. I remember when I was child watching people debate on the news thinking  how do think fast enough to do that?

I find it a nightmare too, nearly every conversation I get into is like a verbal fistfight. Of course as an autistic man, if I put a foot wrong, for example mention a t.v show someone else had mentioned to anything else, or fail to instantly acknowledge and remember with perfect crystal clarity.

Well that becomes a capital crime, at least for me, for other folks, dealing with the same people, its just fine

Do they even know about masking??! Yeah no sh*t you seem good at gestures and verbally fluid. I think if they seem not good at their job, change your route if you need it.

I'm younger so I never got to the stage where I even was AWARE that socializing is complex before knowing about autism; I thought everyone was like me! I was very naive, but I now know how needlessly confusing conversations are and I think it makes lots of sense to feel overwhelmed by them.