Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone here find talking to people hard work? I feel like my self talk is constantly working over time trying parse what the other person is saying, and then I'm telling myself that they may be trying to tell me something different or that a smile or facial expression can mean loads of things. Sometimes I have to tell myself to just listen. If I am in a group of people it's terrible, like people are speaking in tongues and there too many conversations going on at the same time.
I had the first part of an autism assessment recently and haven't been back for the second part because they kept saying I was too verbally fluid and used gesture. Even though if anyone knew me from childhood they would say I was extremely quiet, which I am, unless you engage me in a topic I know about. I think I have fairly limited gestures as opposed to other people aswell.
As an adult in my 40's I think I have managed to learn loads of ways to deal with things I find difficult.
I wondered if anyone else has a similar experience? Debating whether to continue on the diagnosis journey, or take a route that is less NHS.
Do they even know about masking??! Yeah no sh*t you seem good at gestures and verbally fluid. I think if they seem not good at their job, change your route if you need it.
I'm younger so I never got to the stage where I even was AWARE that socializing is complex before knowing about autism; I thought everyone was like me! I was very naive, but I now know how needlessly confusing conversations are and I think it makes lots of sense to feel overwhelmed by them.
I don't think my assessor was very good. They diagnosed me in the session and gave me two weeks to think about whether I wanted the diagnosis and then changed their mind.
They also mentioned a tonne of stereotypes like lining posters up, and I sat their thinking that the person doesn't know what they are doing. Who doesn't put posters up straight at first?
However my self talk told me to bite my tongue didn't let me say anything.
I also didn't take any lists of evidence which someone said I should do because I thought it was the assessors job to ask good questions and I didn't want to bias the assessment.
They didn't ask good questions. I have a feeling I mask more (like making soul sucking eye contact) with people i don't like or trust.
Hard work.
Exactly, and I think it is a major flaw in the process. I had a mental health crisis and therapy in 2018 and now I've completely changed loads of things about my life and what I do and don't agree to, because during that process I realized I might be autistic. I'm not sure I can be bothered to deal with them, I'm the expert of me.
Yeah it seems they sucked *** at their job lol. Reminds me of the time a therapist asked me if I like staying in the dark, for depression diagnosis, and when I said no he almost completely gave up on the diagnosis. I still sometimes laugh about that.
Yeah I think it's hard to feel close enough to them especially if it's just over one session, I wouldn't be able to be more like myself or even tell the truth in that situation honestly, it feels unsafely vulnerable.