Online and real life connections: are they equal/unequal in value or just different?

TheCatWoman said:

But I always fear meeting people who I have online friendships with, that we really won't get on and that it will feel like a double loss, one of the online friendship and the other of the face to face meeting.

I had a few instances of this happening. We seemingly got along when we were messaging on social media, but when we met it was as though we had nothing to say to each other. It wasn't anyone's fault but it was really uncomfortable. 

I don't know if you can avoid it, apart from really questioning how much you value said online friendship to want to meet that person IRL. If your communication styles are massively different when texting, that might be a sign.

Back in the day, before the internet, we used to have things called pen pals where you'd be matched up with a stranger and get to know each other by writing letters, some got on, some didn't , some created life long friendships including visits often to other countries, I don't see online friends as being any different. I had one at primary school, our class teacher had a friend who taught in America and they matched us up.

I find online and written communication more thoughtful than face to face, there are to many distractions when you've got someone in front of you. But I always fear meeting people who I have online friendships with, that we really won't get on and that it will feel like a double loss, one of the online friendship and the other of the face to face meeting.

Online connections are very different to real life real time iinteractions.

Simply having the option to escalate to physical violence removed, means that one has almost endless opportunity to sharpen one's abiltiy to actually debate a point to a conclusion.

In the real world, actions can have serious consequences, so people are different in their presention in the virtual world.

As for which has more "value" well that kind of depends on the viewers personality and attitude. As a traditionaist eality came forst and actually feeds me, so I tend to allocate "value" to real world connections more than these virtual ones. 

No offence intended but if I up set one of my virual friends on teh internet it has negligeable effect on my life but if I piss off my daughter, partner or employer, or simply a friend,THAT can really profoundly affect my life. 

YMMV, of course. 

I prefer online connections. It's easier talking online.

I can take my time in replying. No eye contact required. 

I don't have enough confidence or social abilities to talk properly in person. Online is a God send.

As an older gay man, I’ve had online contacts with people from all over the world in the past and also during Covid lockdowns here in the U.K., I found that online connections with the truth and patriot movement worldwide were very important, perhaps even more so than just with my online contacts with my family in Ireland - in terms of friendships and relationships, if I were to use gay dating apps and websites, not so much with having a long distance relationship, I’d be more inclined to connect with people from outside the U.K., Ireland or the EU, perhaps more so the US, Canada, etc  

That's how I like all my music!

Amerantin (former member) said:

That small gesture was priceless to me.

Yes....it's things like that - that make IRL relationships more "complete" in many respects.  Moreover, as a man who prefers to talk with animals - the micro gestures, body language and real-time nature of IRL interactions are priceless - full stop.  Animals are rubbish at typing.

Like you, I also massively value my connections here too....they are different.  Getting to know people here is more fraught with the troubles that can be afforded by the cloak of anonymity .... asshats can't easily hide their asshatness IRL, but they have tools and facilities in this place that can readily make trouble for the rest of us.

L said:

I think for me personally I can get to know people much better online than in person. In the online world you can really open up your soul and reveal yourself without showing who you are. 

L said:

but online especially here I get treated as an equal and feel like I belong

My sentiments too.

I think for me personally I can get to know people much better online than in person. In the online world you can really open up your soul and reveal yourself without showing who you are. 

I have done this many times online, something I would never do with everyone I know in the real world. I've met a lot of people online and I feel like I knew a lot of them well. I feel like people know me too.

I'm quite a vulnerable person and in real life this has been taken advantage of too many times but online especially here I get treated as an equal and feel like I belong.

For me personally I've got to know and understand more people well than in the real world.

Homebird said:

It's good to see you back. 

Thank you

It's good to see you back. 

There are some aspects of friendship you can't do online, but for me this is the place I can come where I know there are people who see things in a similar way to me that allistics don't understand. I don't have friends who are autistic in the real world.

This is also a place where I can talk about interests that no-one I know would be interested in. Online people can choose to engage or not so they don't get bored.

I can't speak for anyone else, but compatibility in real life, even if we meet online, is most important to me. 

I've had people I've gotten along with online, and we've then met in person and we've not gelled at all. Not because they're a bad person, but we're just very different.

On the flip side, there's people who were just perfect for that. 

I think the format of a message board makes it much easier to communicate the point you are trying to get across - you can spend as long as you like typing the message rather than an actual conversation that happens instantly (which you usually regret afterwards).

So connections on here should be deeper?

But saying that, I'm very lucky to have a p2p support group locally and the people there are the closest things I have had to friends in a long time.

Amerantin (former member) said:

I hope I didn’t offend you or anyone else. The thought of my friend leaving just makes me feel sick.

You didn't offend me.

I'm so sorry re your friend.

I do feel though that if you meet more people things might change.

However, I'm fearful of sounding like an old record on repeat!

I hope I didn’t offend you or anyone else. The thought of my friend leaving just makes me feel sick.

Amerantin (former member) said:

Although I have seen some amazing kindness and care on here.

It was partly your thread: 'Everyone I know...' that inspired this thread actually as, when you posted it, I thought 'we are still here and care' but I didn't say as I didn't want to sound trite and as though I was undervaluing your desire/need for in person relationships/friendships.

Pegg said:

as somebody who works frequently with the written communications of people long dead, I.can tell you that virtual relationships are nothing new!

I was just thinking about historic friendships by letter actually.

Thinking some more about this.

I went to an after work event, briefly, recently. When I was going to leave, one of my colleagues, one of the few I have told I’m autistic, went to hug me, stopped and put her arm on my shoulder and just gave me a look that said she was trying very hard to do the right thing, respect my boundaries but still be friendly, even if she didn’t quite know how.

That small gesture was priceless to me. I suppose that could only happen in real life. Although I have seen some amazing kindness and care on here.

I have told you all things I could never tell people in “real life”. It’s cathartic to talk about such things even if it is “only” online and helpful to know that others understand or have the same experience of life.

I haven’t found any way to meet other autistic people in real life either but forums like this make it possible.

Perhaps this community knows the real me better than anyone I know in real life.

But there is something about spending time in the physical presence of another person and of doing shared activities with them. 

What is 'knowing in real life? We may see each other in person, but in today's world, we may not. There are other means of making and maintaining personal connections- friendships even.

I'm not sure it makes much difference to our perception- we get a sense of the person at the other end of our communications even if we've never seen them. It's entirely possible to feel that we know someone without having met them

Moreover, as somebody who works frequently with the written communications of people long dead, I.can tell you that virtual relationships are nothing new!