Relationships

That might have been through in the Victorian era but it hasn’t been true for most of the 20th century. For most of the 20th century the child was a defacto property of the wife and she could deprive her husband of them with a divorce. 
this has only recently changed with the growing popularity of joint custody arrangements. in practice valves arrangements create considerable difficulty for the courts. when one parent wants to move out of the area and take the children with them there is usually a massive court battle over whether that should be allowed or not and there usually isn’t an obvious answer.

The only exception would be if you have older children, teenagers, Who have strong views about which parent they would prefer to live with if it becomes a choice between them. But this of course creates its own unfortunate circumstance where the children are effectively forced to choose between parents.

even when you consider that because of biological necessity the man is more likely to have a stable career than the woman, because they don’t need to take career breaks for pregnancy and childbirth. this may seem like an advantage but in a divorce proceeding The court may be inclined toward custody to the party that doesn’t have a full-time job. What so-called male ‘advantage’ give us with one hand it takes with the other.

for many men who work full time and have X wives Who dont, who have possibly remarried, The child is still likely to be treated as the de facto property of the woman.

it still is like that in every non western country. thats just the old fuedal system where the man is the dynasty head and he married his daughters off for alliances or merging of other families to strengthen and create a strong family dynasty and ensure his line and his people dont become extinct.

we got rid of that in the west, thats why the west is facing a fertility crisis and europeans will become extinct in the future..... the other non western countries still do this which is why they breed fast and spread. they are coming here and breeding here while we dont, so we will go extinct, they will take this country... and bam, when they have the country its the same system that you speak of again lol so we will have it here again and that issue is the fact without that your people dont breed and they go extinct and other people that have this system breed alot and take over and become the new majority rulers and it becomes their system.

values are bred, and the people with good values simply wont and dont want to breed.

There are things other than illegal physical compulsion or threats that can be applied to people. Powerful forces, including family expectations, financial pressure, the effect of societal norms can all come into play to ensure that people, overwhelmingly women, marry against their wishes. Even now in church weddings the bride is 'given away' by her father or other male relative to her husband. This is now 'play acting', but not all that long ago this was a reality and a daughter becoming a wife was legally exchanging one 'legal owner' for another. Unless there were a prior legal dispensation in place, the husband had unfettered access to all of his wife's property and all children of the marriage came under his sole legal control.

You have to go a long way back in the uk to find a time when forced marrage was legal. Pre christian times in fact. It was one of the first things the church and newly christian kings banned. Why do you think the church doors allways have to be left open at church weddings? To stop forced marrages that were banned under church law.

I Sperg said:

You have to be "brave" sometimes, and that does not come easy

Right on.

I said exactly what you said in your last sentance in my late 20's to a friend, and she found it really profound.

PLUS, being reminded of that caused me to make a phone call that seems to have given me a lovely conversation with an old friend...

(I am late diagnosed Autistic, I haev a whole slew of people to whom I owe an apology for misunderstandings where they did not get my nicer side, and it was unfair of me. I mean to dish out the apologes as and when I can.) 

You can, and will.

Before I was diagnosed I found dates very difficult, especially since everything started from online dating, but forced myself to go out of my comfort zone. 

Eventually I found the right person, who looking back, also is somewhere on the spectrum. 

We were a few months into our relationship when I was diagnosed, and his response was simply "It doesn't change who you are, it's just you, and I've always known you were." 

2 years later we are married. :-)

When you find the right person, you will know. You click straight away.

Before that, I was single for about 3 years having got out of an abusive relationship. I felt I would never find anyone and wasn't deserving of any love. 

Now, I know what real, unconditional love is like, and it appeared very unexpectedly! 

Wishing you all the best, be kind to yourself.

I Sperg said:

Yet I bet you are actually lovely and special once someone actually gets to know you

Thank you. That's kind. I hope I am a nice person and come across that way to other people though normally it feels the opposite, people tend to avoid me and pretend I'm not there. 

I Sperg said:

The BIG THING that leaps off the pages here, is that very few of us are really good at "having fun" with other people. (AND I just realsied a big failing in my own relationship, that needs attention).

Although one does "Dating" in an effort to find a partner, it is way better if you do it to get out and have a bit of fun

Definitely is a big failing for me - I'm not what you would call fun and outgoing. I go out under sufference, when I really have to like for shopping or Drs appts. I don't really enjoy going out and I don't enjoy being in groups and built up areas. I like people and I have tried my best to do small talk and the like but I think it comes across as awkward because I am so anxious. Maybe it is noticed and that's some of the problem?

Even as a kid I was the same. I've always struggled to fit in with others and do small talk. I can remember at school the girls would all talk to each other and be having fun and when I tried it was just awkward. I was always happiest in my room playing with my toys, always alone.

I Sperg said:

and I can see how hard it is for most of us to even write a decent profile.

Ugh that is so true in my case. Even writing about myself is difficult... I set out to write my profile to really describe myself and my life and I ended up with a few words which really doesn't say much about myself. I'll try and edit it at some point and make it better.

But that alone shows how difficult it is because I can't even converse through words that well and speaking is the worst by far.

It's a weird one because I see my faults, I know the problem which is me of course but I don't know how to change and improve this.

1) Be handsome

2) Do not be ugly

3) Do not be an aspie

If you cannot do that, then:

1) Be rich

2) Do not be poor

Easy peasy.

Well, there seems to be a few people on this thread that are kindof in the same boat as me, so i guess i will offer ... 

if there is anyone in the midlands area who would like to meet up for a coffee and a chat - nothing more - lets just call it socializing practice, -  message me.  old, young, man woman .. whatever, it would be nice to be able to chat with someone who understands the challenges.  

Im sure we can find somewhere with people so it is safe, yet quiet enough so it isn't too going to be too much for the senses.

I Sperg said:

WHAT WE NEED to oragnise for you young uns, is a specialist Autist dating service.

AND 

TRAIINIG COURSES

This will be training them how to mask in order to get a partner - do you think this wise given the damage that masking does to autists energy over time?

That said, you are probably right and it would take a neurotypical person with deep knowledge of neurodiversity to give this training in a broad enough way to cover the likely scenarios for the range of autistic people out there.

How would you break down the training? There will be lots of areas to cover (how to make ice breaking conversation while appearing confident, how to make small talk focussed in encouraging a date to be interested, how to broach the issue of you being autistic, how to set boundaries that meet your needs, how to read body language and of course the rules of dating that the other party is likely to expect).

I really do not appreciate you being abusive in that manner Debbie.   You owe sperg an apology.  He EXPLICITLY said "50 years", you even included that in your quote.

Was it within the past 50 years ... what you are talking about?  No.  So you started out with a deliberately misrepresentation of what he said in order to be abusive and falsely claim he was joking about horrible stuff.

You should show the grace he previously did and apologise and express never to do it again.

Sadly, she is not.

Biology inflicts basic rules on organisms. I've been hearing some lurid stories of animals behaving badly second hand from my mates daughter this week who is doing a PHD...

Like it or not, society is rejectig basic biology and sexual mores, in favour of a newer, more egalitarian approach where what were once basic sex defined roles are now considered "fungible". 

It is my understanding that the sort of patriarchal male oppression depicted was less prevalent than Debbie thinks. 

BUT there is a "war against children" documentary that can be sought out and watched to get a wider angle picture of what is going on here in the west...

c'mon. you have got to be kidding?!

I Sperg said:

OTOH, I do know a really bad one word joke that has been played on many women now for at least 50 years...

Feminism

I wish I could transport you back to a time where you are female and owned by your husband, unable to own property, vote or work, educated or have any rights at all.

Oh, and raped every night by a man you didn't want to marry and forced to have children you don't want.

Or perhaps we could go back just 50 years as that's the time span you mentioned when at last women have access to contraception, but are still being treated as objects, owned by their husbands, regularly raped and beaten in their own home, denied the ability to do well in a career, asked if they intend to have a family when interviewed and then rejected when they say yes, institutionalised for having children out of wedlock, patronised, typecast and constrained.

And that's just the start of it.

No, but it does let out a constant high-pitched screech.

It's not really much of a bomb if it's only offended one person...

Does the F-Bomb have the time delay fuse in the back?

Yet I bet you are actually lovely and special once someone actually gets to know you...

WHAT WE NEED to oragnise for you young uns, is a specialist Autist dating service.

AND 

TRAIINIG COURSES!!

The BIG THING that leaps off the pages here, is that very few of us are really good at "having fun" with other people. (AND I just realsied a big failing in my own relationship, that needs attention).

Although one does "Dating" in an effort to find a partner, it is way better if you do it to get out and have a bit of fun.

As Autists we have huge difficulty with all that small talk, nuance, picking of up signals, bollox, and we just need to be "doing something" rather than sitting awkwardly waiitng for the magic to happen. 

Amirite?

I've managed to get a few people to talk with me about themselves privately, and publically, and I can see how hard it is for most of us to even write a decent profile.

We are not natural salesmen, so it's really hard to bridge that gap, but it can be done. It's a midn thing, and those of us who "can do" (even as ineptly as I manage) should try and pass on the flame to others.

You have to be "brave" sometimes, and that does not come easy.  

Sperg, I am deeply offended you would drop the f-bomb like that!  :-)

One of those few times when Although broadly speaking I agree with you Peter in most things, in practice I've found that for some people, some things are desperately unhumourous. 

I've been asked to make a reasonable adjustment to my behaviour and the reason explained to me and I find I want to make that adjustment.

OTOH, I do know a really bad one word joke that has been played on many women now for at least 50 years...

Feminism.