Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I am always overthinking in relationships as recently, I broke up with my ex a while ago and we have reminded friends until recently, they have always known about my Autism & OCD tendencies and have been rather supportive of them & not bothered by them which is a good thing. But recently they told me how they felt and something didn't sit right with me, did they feel that way because I was autistic, I always truly felt that I was strange or something, always talking myself down. But then they told me some stuff and it brought it up all back up.
It's like I think, can I find someone who I could have a relationship with? Without showing my tendencies or anything like that.
I would love to hear some feedback on how you cope in relationships, I have always struggled but I struggle with my emotions and explaining them.
I'm single and feel like it will always be that way. I struggle to make friends, I don't know what to say or how to act. I can't imagine how to even begin to start a relationship. I try to mix with people, to talk and be normal but people don't accept me and don't want to know me.
I'm lonely and isolated. Feels like it will always be that way.
Yet I bet you are actually lovely and special once someone actually gets to know you...
WHAT WE NEED to oragnise for you young uns, is a specialist Autist dating service.
AND
TRAIINIG COURSES!!
The BIG THING that leaps off the pages here, is that very few of us are really good at "having fun" with other people. (AND I just realsied a big failing in my own relationship, that needs attention).
Although one does "Dating" in an effort to find a partner, it is way better if you do it to get out and have a bit of fun.
As Autists we have huge difficulty with all that small talk, nuance, picking of up signals, bollox, and we just need to be "doing something" rather than sitting awkwardly waiitng for the magic to happen.
Amirite?
I've managed to get a few people to talk with me about themselves privately, and publically, and I can see how hard it is for most of us to even write a decent profile.
We are not natural salesmen, so it's really hard to bridge that gap, but it can be done. It's a midn thing, and those of us who "can do" (even as ineptly as I manage) should try and pass on the flame to others.
You have to be "brave" sometimes, and that does not come easy.
I Sperg said:WHAT WE NEED to oragnise for you young uns, is a specialist Autist dating service. AND TRAIINIG COURSES
TRAIINIG COURSES
This will be training them how to mask in order to get a partner - do you think this wise given the damage that masking does to autists energy over time?
That said, you are probably right and it would take a neurotypical person with deep knowledge of neurodiversity to give this training in a broad enough way to cover the likely scenarios for the range of autistic people out there.
How would you break down the training? There will be lots of areas to cover (how to make ice breaking conversation while appearing confident, how to make small talk focussed in encouraging a date to be interested, how to broach the issue of you being autistic, how to set boundaries that meet your needs, how to read body language and of course the rules of dating that the other party is likely to expect).