Relationships

Hello, 

I am always overthinking in relationships as recently, I broke up with my ex a while ago and we have reminded friends until recently, they have always known about my Autism & OCD tendencies and have been rather supportive of them & not bothered by them which is a good thing. But recently they told me how they felt and something didn't sit right with me, did they feel that way because I was autistic, I always truly felt that I was strange or something, always talking myself down. But then they told me some stuff and it brought it up all back up.

It's like I think, can I find someone who I could have a relationship with? Without showing my tendencies or anything like that. 

I would love to hear some feedback on how you cope in relationships, I have always struggled but I struggle with my emotions and explaining them. 

  • I'm well aware of Rule 7 and I am genuinely mystified as to how a clearly humourous and non-serious suggestion that "gaffa tape and cloroform" could be a route to obtaining a relationship violates that rule. 

    Let's take a look and try and work it out, shall we? 

    1. Sexism? We are given no information as to the original posters sex or relationship requirements. So it can't be sexism.

    2.Homophobia racism ntisemitism reliious intolerance transphobia, all of those we can exclude on the same grounds.

    3. Disabilty hate speech? not really... 

    4 Hate speech? Who is the object of hatred here? (There's a hypothetical victim of a hypothetical crime, but all the adults in the room know that there is not real proposal of a crime here). Of course there is an implicit hatred of humour being expressed here...

    5. Obscenities? Well that's pretty much in the eye of the beholder is it not? MOST of modern society is a string of obscenities for some individuals, and a glorious rainbow pageant of self actualisation for others. GIven that the music track atatched below is in the public domain and widely broadcast I think the post  managed to stay on the right side of that legally speaking.

    6. Pornogaphy? Nope.

    So how exactly did I break that rule? Where is the hatred inerent in that post? 

  • I would love to hear some feedback on how you cope in relationships

    That is a very big subject to cover.

    Assuming you are OK in starting a relationship then you have to look at the main components:

    1 - balance / harmony in both your lives

    2 - what does the other person need & want

    3 - what do you need & want - and how do you let your partner know

    4 - How do you grow the relationship from the initial getting together to long term commitment.

    Which of these aspects do you struggle most with and I can try to flesh them out from my experience and understanding.

  • Why would I buy a gift from Tesco? It has nothing to do with the monetary value aspect of it. 

  • "Situations have ended sad
    Relationships have all been bad
    Mine've been like Verlaine's and Rimbaud's"

    Not really, I have been married for 27 years. I didn't know I was autistic until about 4 years ago, though obviously I have always been autistic. I mask very well, I do not know where my masking begins or ends. I did have problems converting friendships into romantic relationships for many years. I think this was based on a number of factors, not knowing when someone was attracted to me, being emotionally reserved and being reluctant to expose myself to possible rejection. That was until I realised that my future wife was absolutely perfect for me. I forced myself to be emotionally available and threw caution to the winds and I was lucky. 

    Along with the problems, autistic people have lots of advantages for a potential romantic partner, we tend to be honest, kind and loyal, and we do not manipulate people for our own gain.

  • Reminder of Rule 7:

    This is a hate-free zone for autistic people, their families and friends, and professionals working in the field. We do not permit sexism, homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism, religious intolerance, transphobia, disability hate speech, hate speech, obscenities or pornography to be posted or linked to here.

  • [removed by moderator]   (Sorry, couldn't resist...)

  • never had a relationship, dont know how to make any... do you buy girlfriends at tesco? if not then i dunno how to get one... ill try looking on amazon or something i guess

1 2