Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I am always overthinking in relationships as recently, I broke up with my ex a while ago and we have reminded friends until recently, they have always known about my Autism & OCD tendencies and have been rather supportive of them & not bothered by them which is a good thing. But recently they told me how they felt and something didn't sit right with me, did they feel that way because I was autistic, I always truly felt that I was strange or something, always talking myself down. But then they told me some stuff and it brought it up all back up.
It's like I think, can I find someone who I could have a relationship with? Without showing my tendencies or anything like that.
I would love to hear some feedback on how you cope in relationships, I have always struggled but I struggle with my emotions and explaining them.
I'm single and feel like it will always be that way. I struggle to make friends, I don't know what to say or how to act. I can't imagine how to even begin to start a relationship. I try to mix with people, to talk and be normal but people don't accept me and don't want to know me.
I'm lonely and isolated. Feels like it will always be that way.
Yet I bet you are actually lovely and special once someone actually gets to know you...
WHAT WE NEED to oragnise for you young uns, is a specialist Autist dating service.
AND
TRAIINIG COURSES!!
The BIG THING that leaps off the pages here, is that very few of us are really good at "having fun" with other people. (AND I just realsied a big failing in my own relationship, that needs attention).
Although one does "Dating" in an effort to find a partner, it is way better if you do it to get out and have a bit of fun.
As Autists we have huge difficulty with all that small talk, nuance, picking of up signals, bollox, and we just need to be "doing something" rather than sitting awkwardly waiitng for the magic to happen.
Amirite?
I've managed to get a few people to talk with me about themselves privately, and publically, and I can see how hard it is for most of us to even write a decent profile.
We are not natural salesmen, so it's really hard to bridge that gap, but it can be done. It's a midn thing, and those of us who "can do" (even as ineptly as I manage) should try and pass on the flame to others.
You have to be "brave" sometimes, and that does not come easy.
I Sperg said:Yet I bet you are actually lovely and special once someone actually gets to know you
Thank you. That's kind. I hope I am a nice person and come across that way to other people though normally it feels the opposite, people tend to avoid me and pretend I'm not there.
I Sperg said:The BIG THING that leaps off the pages here, is that very few of us are really good at "having fun" with other people. (AND I just realsied a big failing in my own relationship, that needs attention). Although one does "Dating" in an effort to find a partner, it is way better if you do it to get out and have a bit of fun
Although one does "Dating" in an effort to find a partner, it is way better if you do it to get out and have a bit of fun
Definitely is a big failing for me - I'm not what you would call fun and outgoing. I go out under sufference, when I really have to like for shopping or Drs appts. I don't really enjoy going out and I don't enjoy being in groups and built up areas. I like people and I have tried my best to do small talk and the like but I think it comes across as awkward because I am so anxious. Maybe it is noticed and that's some of the problem?
Even as a kid I was the same. I've always struggled to fit in with others and do small talk. I can remember at school the girls would all talk to each other and be having fun and when I tried it was just awkward. I was always happiest in my room playing with my toys, always alone.
I Sperg said:and I can see how hard it is for most of us to even write a decent profile.
Ugh that is so true in my case. Even writing about myself is difficult... I set out to write my profile to really describe myself and my life and I ended up with a few words which really doesn't say much about myself. I'll try and edit it at some point and make it better.
But that alone shows how difficult it is because I can't even converse through words that well and speaking is the worst by far.
It's a weird one because I see my faults, I know the problem which is me of course but I don't know how to change and improve this.
I said exactly what you said in your last sentance in my late 20's to a friend, and she found it really profound.
PLUS, being reminded of that caused me to make a phone call that seems to have given me a lovely conversation with an old friend...
(I am late diagnosed Autistic, I haev a whole slew of people to whom I owe an apology for misunderstandings where they did not get my nicer side, and it was unfair of me. I mean to dish out the apologes as and when I can.)