Pretending to be normal

Yes! If only "normal" people could understand how exhausting this is!

Dawn said:

Those that matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.

Wise words.

I have managed 49 years undetected. Even to myself!

I too had a moment 2 years ago with my dad suffering an aneurism and huge stroke. He was a very fit and healthy man and my best friend as well as an amazing dad. He did miraculously survive but it has been tough for me to forget. I seemed to have one thing after another since that happened and now realising I’ve always been different/masked. I would love to be able to drop that mask for a couple of days to see what it’s like.

Unfortunately my partner doesn’t want to even discuss the subject so mask it is. 
I am only guessing but I think unmasking for me would be energy conservation, sleep and just nothing. 

I think that depends. Solitude can be very harmful. Physical hurt is easier to heal than mental/emotional in my opinion. But alot of bullying now days is verbal instead of physical so I think solitude would be a better choice until you are in an environment that is more mature. Constant masking can be hard to undo though. Im not sure there is a better option

Yes this is something I do most days. I work in a preschool nursery and I have to pretend to be normal "mask" to get through the day, and talk to my colleagues, and the parents. When I get home I am exhausted and literally collapse into bed where I'll stay for the rest of the night if I can.

That's not difficulty, that's wisdom. Every non-masking ASD I met was cruelly bullied and exploited by everybody else. It's better to suffer a bit of solitude than being beaten or robbed. 

I have been trying to hide it for 55 years and look normal. I just knew I was diffrent as a kid (nobody knew about ASD in the 70's) and being diffrent ment being bullied. I have no idea who autistic me really is. I get some glimpses but it is all a bit of a mystery really. I was very good at masking until 2020 when I lost my dad, put mum in a care home, cleared their house of 40 years and delt with Covid. That breakdown stripped away all my masking skills, I am now a diffrent person and more of autistic is being revealed. I nolonger do things that I find difficult like seeing lots of people, I give myself much more me time.

Newly diagnosed at 57. Feels like I’ve masked all my life. In my quiet time. I just thought everyone went quiet now and again. Still trying to get my head around this a bit more. This all feels strange and alien. Or am I just strange and alien. I don’t know. All my friends are sound. Couple of blokey comments. Family are cool. My son’s not. 2 out of 3s not bad I suppose 

Hi MM - how's the quitting going?

Yup!  It's called masking and is guaranteed to exhaust you and burn you out.

These days I just try explaining to people why I do stuff differently and carry on my way. Those that matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.

Judge Dredd said:

take care of not getting too close to anybody

It’s taken me a life time to realise that my difficulty in making friends is in very large part because of exactly this - deliberately keeping people at a distance so they won’t find out too much.

Thanks, the link is interesting. I liked the comparison with the "closet". In fact, being an ASD today is like being a gay man in the '70. Either you learned to hide it very well, or you find a social niche where it was tolerated. In the meantime, you hide your true nature and take care of not getting too close to anybody to keep yourself from slipping up.

Hi Pegg.
Just to say " Hi "
I was hanging out some washing earlier,and you sprang to mind for some reason !

You felt the effects of Masking and you are ready to explode ?
Doe's this have anything to do with your previuous post about your " Todger " ? ?  ?

I hate having to mask also.
I just wish the Banks would hand over the money with no fuss....
It's a hard life huh ? 

Yeah. But then I didn't have to, because there was just me and the dog in my world. 

And that was better, and felt normal, in a way that pretending to be never had. 

In my current small-world life, people know that I'm not like them, and that helps, but I Still have to do some pretending, because if you go out into the world at all, you do. 

I hear you.  I know us.  It's all cool, no matter which way you cut it.

Thanks for the warm welcome as always Number.

I think I have to accept that I will continue to have long stretches of silence on here even though I have been on here almost every day since my last post an age ago. Another point of reflection and learning.

Oakling said:

For me, that is most of the battle.

Agreed.

And welcome back CG Woodman !  Always a pleasure.