Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else feel that they can pretend like they're normal for a short amount of time (and actually cope quite well like a regular person in the outside world) but after a couple of weeks the effort is too much and you crash and burn out and cant "be normal" anymore?
I have been trying to hide it for 55 years and look normal. I just knew I was diffrent as a kid (nobody knew about ASD in the 70's) and being diffrent ment being bullied. I have no idea who autistic me really is. I get some glimpses but it is all a bit of a mystery really. I was very good at masking until 2020 when I lost my dad, put mum in a care home, cleared their house of 40 years and delt with Covid. That breakdown stripped away all my masking skills, I am now a diffrent person and more of autistic is being revealed. I nolonger do things that I find difficult like seeing lots of people, I give myself much more me time.
I have managed 49 years undetected. Even to myself!
I too had a moment 2 years ago with my dad suffering an aneurism and huge stroke. He was a very fit and healthy man and my best friend as well as an amazing dad. He did miraculously survive but it has been tough for me to forget. I seemed to have one thing after another since that happened and now realising I’ve always been different/masked. I would love to be able to drop that mask for a couple of days to see what it’s like.
Unfortunately my partner doesn’t want to even discuss the subject so mask it is. I am only guessing but I think unmasking for me would be energy conservation, sleep and just nothing.