Consequences of autistic thinking

You're welcome. I hope you're feeling a bit better about yourself now. You literally have nothing to reproach yourself on with this.

Thank you Luna ️

You can't change the past but absolutely know you did the right thing. Life is hard and caring is difficult,  especially when you get no relief yourself. These times of years bring up or amplify thoughts we already have. What you can do is make steps forward. Your brother might be the sort of person who takes advantage of people regardless of their brain wiring.

There is a lot of Autistic thinking in this thread.  I think life is definitely more complex than those who look after their parents in old age being saints and those who don't being evil.

Either/or and extremes of thinking. That is Autistic thinking.

Number said:

Support is what some of us do best mate....but then that's what you said to start with.....what goes around, comes around.....so for folk like us, there is always genuine hope for a truly golden future.

Absolutely!!! 

I'm 21, things were dark this last year but hoping the future will be golden and sparkling.

Morning Number 

Morning mate.

Happy Boxing day.

Number

Once you stick your reality through the sieve of morality (I got the blue one from B&M) you can see what is good and what is bad.

By the sound of it, you did good by your parents, and would do it again.

The essence of being a good person seems to be that people will take as much advantage as you allow them to.  

I bet we have all spent Christmas mostly alone even those of us surrounded by family and friends, that seems to be one of the consenqences of Autism, "alienation".

For me this Christmas I've discovered that for both me and the cats FIVE is the maximum number of human beings in one room that we can cope with.

Take heart, you sound fairly young, you still have options.. 

You selflessly looked after your parents and made their lives all the better for it.

I experienced similar with my dad for several years before he passed due to cancer. I cannot imagine not looking after him, despite others in the family doing nothing.

For some people, love is expressed through doing, not just words.

You clearly are a lovely person and were there for your parents when they needed you most. You were supportive and caring, you didn't abandon them and you never let them down. They must have been so proud of you. When looking after them you would have had so much to think about and process it's no wonder you couldn't focus on anything else, I've been finding this lately with my own life. When I'm doing something everything else is put on hold and forgotten.

Sending you hugs. You really are a lovely person and you should feel proud for being there when your brother wasn't. You have a clear conscience you did something wonderful which he will never have. 

Amerantin (former member) said:

even though it was at huge cost to myself. I know I’d do the same again.

You clearly have no regrets and no doubt you made a valuable difference to your parents when they needed help. You should be rightly proud and you'll always know you did the right thing. Your brother on the other hand cannot say the same.

I'm not sure if autistic thinking might have contributed. Autists do tend to have a good sense of what is right and wrong. We can tend to be pragmatic and do what needs to be done in a practical way. If you're anything like me you'll prefer to work independently on whatever you tackle in life, rather than as part of a team effort. Therefore you might be less likely to try to actively involve other family members.

Another thing which may be relevant is the autistic preference to focus on one thing at a time. When your focus was on your parents the rest of your life would effectively be on hold. I suspect non autistics would be more likely to be able to build and maintain some social connections during this time.

I do identify with your situation because I can realistically see myself in a similar one in the not too distant future. However in my case I do not have any siblings or other family. I am sole carer for my frail elderly mum and this year more than most I wonder if it will be my last Christmas with her. Caring is incredibly tough.

Support is what some of us do best mate....but then that's what you said to start with.....what goes around, comes around.....so for folk like us, there is always genuine hope for a truly golden future.

Well, that's what I chose to believe anyway.  Just stay sane and safe whilst waiting for our ships to come in.

Thank you Number and Martin . I burst into tears when I read that.

I think Martin is probably right.  Some souls are just generous and giving...others, not so much...and in my experience, some are just unbelievably selfish.  The two extremes very often don't behave like that "knowingly", it's just who they are.

Life is full of unexpected circumstances that can lead us to places that we never thought we would find ourselves.  That's just life brother!

I hope you haven't felt "bad" today - just reflective and thoughtful.  What you have done for your folks will have delivered to you benefits that you can't possibly isolate as such.  It's always only the downsides that we seem to isolate with clarity?

You are a great human soul.....it shines even through this nonsense medium of writing via the interweb thingy.  We are similar in age.....we still have MUCH living to be done....who knows what next Christmas may look like!

And.....btw.....you're not as alone as you may think....Martin and myself have your back brother.

Sleep well Amerantin.  Happy Christmas.

Number.

I'm not convinced that what you describe has much to do with your autism. There are just people with a heightened sense of duty and selflessness, like yourself, and those who have little sense of duty and who are selfish, like your brother. I suspect that had you behaved like your brother you would now find it difficult to live with your conscience. You are just one of the good guys.