Published on 12, July, 2020
One of the reasons I’ve ended up alone is that I spent years juggling working and looking after elderly parents. My dad had vascular dementia for several years then within weeks of his passing my mum developed several serious health conditions including Alzheimer’s.
Throughout these years it never occurred to me that I should do anything other than look after them even though it was at huge cost to myself. I know I’d do the same again.
But my brother felt no such duty or obligation and left me to it.
And now I find myself wondering, was that my autistic self allowing my brother to take advantage of me or could it have been inflexible autistic thinking not allowing me to see or take other choices.
Sorry, this is the sort of path my mind takes when spending a day like today alone
Amerantin (former member) said:even though it was at huge cost to myself. I know I’d do the same again.
You clearly have no regrets and no doubt you made a valuable difference to your parents when they needed help. You should be rightly proud and you'll always know you did the right thing. Your brother on the other hand cannot say the same.
I'm not sure if autistic thinking might have contributed. Autists do tend to have a good sense of what is right and wrong. We can tend to be pragmatic and do what needs to be done in a practical way. If you're anything like me you'll prefer to work independently on whatever you tackle in life, rather than as part of a team effort. Therefore you might be less likely to try to actively involve other family members.
Another thing which may be relevant is the autistic preference to focus on one thing at a time. When your focus was on your parents the rest of your life would effectively be on hold. I suspect non autistics would be more likely to be able to build and maintain some social connections during this time.
I do identify with your situation because I can realistically see myself in a similar one in the not too distant future. However in my case I do not have any siblings or other family. I am sole carer for my frail elderly mum and this year more than most I wonder if it will be my last Christmas with her. Caring is incredibly tough.