Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm mum and I'm allistic and my son is autistic. We had a Frank and sobering conversation today which shocked and saddened me but I'm glad in a way as I'm glad my son was honest with me..he told me in not so many words he'd rather not be alive due to his Autism as in life the one things he feels that matters the most is the emotional side of things which he can't have ie he was upset that he can't even experience those loving interactions that most neuro typical people take for granted..he basically feels very alone. I feel very sad for him and its frustrating as a mum who loves him very much that there is nothing I can do for him. So this is why I have come on here to ask the question of ..is there happiness to be had in this life when you have Autism? He works hard at fending off the depression that he feels as a result of Autism (ie not clinical depression) he exercises as he says that helps his mental state and he tries to eat right and he has stopped drinking alcohol all together. He doesn't feel enthusiastic about getting outside and doing anything as he says it won't make him any happier if he does interact with people even if he took meds to deal with anxiety etc he doesn't see the point.
I was diagnosed with depression at 18 which is unresponsive to treatment and then given a preliminary diagnosis of autism at 50.
Since then I discovered that I have alexithymia which is relatively common in autistic people. It is why I couldn't say when I was last happy or experienced joy or enjoyed doing something, I wasn't classically depressed, hence being resistant to standard treatment.
I apparently do feel, it's just I'm calibrated incorrectly and I just struggle identifying my feelings and how to deal with them. If happiness is a scale of 1-10, I can't make it past 4. Seeing someone else experiencing joy or gratitude tends to make me cry, there's no attached feeling just the tears. It difficult to explain to myself let alone others.
I tend to now to look at contentment or comfort as a measure rather than something possibly unobtainable. It is difficult and it takes adjusting expectations.I still struggle with it and it can be isolating but with support or being stubborn(yes that's me) you can get to learn to accept it.
I hope some of this might be helpful. As always seek professional help if possible.
I wish you and your son all the best.
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I am sorry if you cannot understand it. I thought you were more high functioning than you are.
I think your Psych teacher is right. Isolation definitely does not help Autists and their mental health. It's very tough as a lot of Autists use isolation as a way of coping with life (Including me)
Hi,
I was really struggling before I discovered that I was Autistic. Knowing this now has made me feel much happier. Many times I didn't feel like life was worth living. It's helped me understand myself, accept myself and by slowly unmasking, my quality of life is much better already (all this in less than a month).
I'm the opposite of your son. I cannot have a romantic relationship, because I feel too much. It's crippling, and I fear rejection.
I wish that I had the answers for him, and you.
I really hope that he can find happiness. X
It didn't help that my diagnosis was late into my 30s, but yes you can have a happy life with ASD. If you get the right support structures in place then it's more than possible. Over the last couple of years I've been happy, this year in particular after making a close friend.
Ignore the usual nonsense of what makes someone "happy" (i.e. money equalling "success" and a high-flying career, which are all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things) and let him focus on what it'll take to flourish.
Speak to your GP for advice.
But if he feels very alone then he can make steps to socialise. It could be anything. Play a video game where socialising is part of the experience. Get creative - write, draw, act. I've found creativity to be a brilliant outlet for alleviating personal issues as you have total control over your projects.
The alternate route is just to wallow and feel sorry for himself (like a certain someone else on this thread is doing and trying to drag everyone else down with him). The vacuous abandon self-improvement and begin lashing out at others.
Yes I plan to ignore him. Thanks though
Just ignore him, he's just a bitter troll. He's here winding people up, complaining about "snowflakes", but then having a snowflake meltdown whenever his specious reasoning is ever pointed out. It's not worth wasting your time with someone as jaded as that.
I told him on another thread to stop wallowing in self-pity and offloading on other people. He's decided to not have a period of self-reflection and, instead, continue with his rages.
How very high-functioning of him.
DrewDoug said:I've seen enough to determine that life is nothing more than an attitude.
You're right, all things being equal.
We all require our basic needs to be met to be happy.
Beyond that, I think a lot of it is attitude.
I've seen enough to determine that life is nothing more than an attitude.
Happy people and sad people both live in the same world. So what's the difference?
Attitude.
Easier said than done obviously. "Just be happy" he said. Cool, thanks. I'll put it in my diary.
I don’t know what you mean.
I don't take offence if people view their ASD as a disability, as I certainly feel disabled by my ASD sometimes. However, some people can live with a disability AND be happy as well.
Ausomely Autistic said:I don’t know what you mean.
Word
I don’t know what you mean. All I know is that there are a variety of autistic experiences within our community.
Not everyone has the same experience as you. Our autistic community is not a monolith.
Please, we already talked about that. ASD is a permanent disability, no matter how you twist it and how offended you feel when you hear it. To keep living with a permanent disability, you need a good reason to live
That might be your experience of ASD, but it doesn't mean it is the same for everyone else.
I do think autistic people can have happy lives. My life was pretty terrible for some time but now, even though not perfect, my life seems bearable and even enjoyable at times. Sometimes when im at school and I see how they all interact and how easy it is for them or if I think about all the adult life expectations then I can feel a bit bothered how I cant do those things as well. But I think if he were to find people who understand him, and he engages in things he enjoys, makes sure to not push himself too hard then he can probably find happiness. But of course happiness is also partly with how you view things.
One thing though. You said he has tried to reduce he depressed feelings by quitting alcohol and other things, and thats good but you also said he hasnt really been socializing because of anxiety and not seeing the point. My psychology teacher has said that social isolation can be as bad for your health as smoking a box of cigarettes each day. Maybe him not interacting with people is worsening his depression. I dont interact with too many people in real life but even after I found this forum, ive been feeling less lonely. Ive tried other social medias but those ones cause me to feel left out and I second guess everything I say, someone who used to be on this forum but left told me it could be from the communication difference since most other social medias arent towards autistic people.