Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently I have asked various people about how to initiate the process of friendships and bonding, but their answers have always been passive i.e, "it will happen when it happens" or "you're better off being by yourself" which I find counterproductive.
To put it bluntly, I am f******lonely. Maybe it is my instinctive need for belonging and companionship that is compelling me to seek that out.
Am I wrong?
You too number.
Nor have I, 89158, nor have I.
Perhaps you could return when the vibe has settled down to what I am more used to on these pages.
I assure you, this is NOT normal for this place.
I wish you well.
Well, that's it for me. I'm outta this forum. See ya!
Got no patience for toxic stoicism bullshit.
I guess you are still young. Your need for human connection will fade away quickly when you will get older. I went no contact with my family and left all my "friends" in 2000, and never bothered to form any more connections. Best choice of my life, believe me, it helped a lot with my mental and physical health. There is a nice way of saying it in English: "John enjoys himself in Paris", not "John enjoys Paris". You only need yourself to be happy.
Find a cause and fight for it. There are so many injustices in the world. What do you care about? What makes you angry? Get involved in social/political issues that directly affect you. Then, you can feel like you are making a change in the world. It helps me.
Well then that's a whole different level of query altogether - existential ?!
I cannot address that one on the fly...so hopefully others will chime in over time....I must be gone.
Good luck.
I really have no clue as to why I exist at all. I'm burdened with consciousness and no idea what to do with it. Autism only exacerbates this horrifying realisation. No offence intended. :)
Obviously.
I so like to imagine that you are called Heathcliff and that your wife is a Russian grandma?
Hello 89158, I am Number.
You are not wrong. My presumption is that you are autistic.
Many people here seem to want to be on their own most of the time, but also feel lonely much of the time.
Many people here seem to have VERY few friends indeed, but would not be averse to picking up more if that were possible.
Humans have evolved to live in group settings (generally) - so as you say, it is instinct to seek belonging and companionship.
I definitely don't seek out hoards of screaming and attentive friends.....but the one or two that I do have are essential to me.
To put it bluntly, back to you, as you are f-hooking lonely right now......may I recommend hanging around on these pages for a while. I know that most do not see this type of connection as "friendship"......but my goodness, I've seen endless people here report a sense of alleviated loneliness from being here.
Kind regards
Number.
I met my wife on a Kate Bush online forum, in 2007. We met for real in 2008, and got married in 2009. Forget dating sites etc. - if you can find someone who shares your interests to a significant degree, you will make friends, and it may lead to romance. A meeting of MINDS is more important than physical attraction, especially to neurodivergent people.
No. I've also had that feeling of shame that I'm being difficult and reasonable for wanting companionship. I've internalised some of the things said to me.
My method over the last few years was usually reaching out to people I felt I gelled with over social media.
There's a line between chasing someone and developing a connection naturally which I struggled to balance.