God Bless everybody. Thanks Mods. Thanks to those who replied to me. I do not deserve to be here.

Dear Def Leepard,

We are sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time at the moment.

The Samaritans provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.

Another source of support you may like to consider are CALM, a charity leading a movement against suicide amongst men. They run a free and confidential Helpline, should you wish to speak to someone I have popped a link to their website here for you: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ 

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support. 

Kind Regards,

Rosie Mod

Hello, I’ve just read through your replies and a few years ago I was very much like you. Using alcohol was an any easy way to try and act, look and I suppose function in some sort of normal way, it was like I could shut autism down for just a while. It is a way of masking but it takes its toll in the end. I thought acting the clown would help me be accepted, if you look at old pictures of clowns you will see they often had tear’s painted under their eyes, it was a mask. Some clowns would drink heavily, I wonder if most were neurodivergent. It wasn’t until I realised I’m autistic and started to accept that person I had created wasn’t me that I started to let the mask slip, too be honest I don’t have a lot of friends now but I’m starting, only starting to like myself. Just a little bit. I’ve had people preach to me about drinking and I understand it doesn’t work. I still go to the village pub at the weekend with my wife as I understand she needs a social life, I will often then put a film on that I have watched a hundred times to keep my mind just busy enough , I’ve stopped drinking during the week and found I actually function better now as the real me comes to the surface more. I still have bad days, shutdowns and anxiety are all parts of me but the good days are starting to outweigh they bad, try to manage autism, you can’t destroy it as it will always surface, it’s part of you. It is an old cliche but you first need to like yourself for who you are, not what you think you need to be for the sake of others.  Chin up and take care.

I wish I could work as fast as I think......especially at this time of night.  Wanna go to sleep, but the light is perfect at this time of night !

Okay, don't worry about it.

Am  NOT messing you about.
I can Type faster than i tnink.
Sorry.

AM not bloody messing about !
 Stupid posts popup  when they feel like it.

Sorry, I did not mean to offend you. It was the fact that you had brought up the topic of your offer, and then immediately followed it up by saying you were messing me about.

Yes, typing whilst under the influence is not an easy task.

I am not messing you about.
I am pissed -up and keyboard entries are hard work with my fuddled mind.
One Day you will ralise that i an honest.
I swear to God..

I hate to say it, but I had kind of noticed a long time ago that you have a tendency to listen to sad songs when you drink.

To avoid any misunderstanding, are you saying that your offer of a lift wasn't genuine? Don't worry, I won't be offended if it wasn't.

Thanks Sparko.
My problem is i drink and listen to sad songs.
Bad combination.
I appreciate your help and dont forget that i meant the lift as and when you need it.
Am messing you about.

I do remember you telling me way back last year that your tendency to joke was a mask to hide how you were really feeling. 

You are not the first on here to do that, and I doubt you will be the last.

I feel desperately sorry for you that you don't feel Community Mental Health are truly hearing what you've been trying to tell them, and aren't taking you seriously.

For the record, I have absolutely no intention of reporting you, as you have not done anything wrong.

It isn't my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but if you stick around, maybe we (the rest of the community) can help you to feel less alone, and maybe offer some useful suggestions that you might not have previously considered.

So much for being the funny idiot on NAS huh ?
I can't do it anymore.
I am just a fake.
I tell jokes and  people laugh.
I dont.
I fake it.
There is something wrong with me.
I KNOW it but community Mental Health have no bloody clue, even when i tell them !
Dont quote me on this but sometimes i feel like going out there and doing a F.....g Columbine !
You are right, i am pissed.
I Have kept it together before, 
My reality is distorted.
Booze is the issue that strips me of my barriers.
Suppose you will report me know huh? 

Disambiguation - Just read my words again = what does that even mean !? .....me being pithy is dangerous.  Lee, I'm glad you are back and you most definitely do deserve to be here in every sense.

Former Member  - I really hope this is the booze talking.

Maybe I have read too much into your post, but I am currently feeling rather worried and concerned about you. 

https://youtu.be/aBHcUv_42zI

You do.  I'm glad.

Best wishes.