Struggling With Friends

Well I’m a whole bucket of chum then..

True friends won't expect you to change to be their friend. You should ditch the crowd you're with, there a bad crowd. Get away from them and you will feel better about yourself.

Beauty comes from WITHIN.
Good looks are just the bait.

However you seem to yourself Diamond, you have always seemed lovely to us here on the forum.

Marriage will come when + if it comes - it took me until my 50s.

Life has a way of happening a bit differently for us autistic people.

That's reminded me of a thread I made earlier:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/29598/life-stages-becoming-an-adult?ReplySortBy=CreatedDate&ReplySortOrder=Descending

When I was young I wished for things and now I feel I've got some of them, but decades after.

In some cases I never achieved those things, but maybe they would have caused huge stress and wouldn't have made me happy.

Other opportunities I didn't expect came along.

I hope that you have some good unexpected things happen for you soon.

My old boss used to say 'don't knock yourself as there are plenty of other people around to do it for you'.

I hope that this is a phase for you and that your self-worth increases.

They don't sound very friendly; commenting on your differences to the extent it becomes noticeable. They're subtly ostracising you.

I've never had friends and I can forget romantic relationships. I take it you're still young. Well, these experiences toughen you up - you be a thick skinned cold hearted b/stard like me soon and you won't worry about it. 

Friends?---what's that!  I've never been able to give of myself enough to allow others to know me. Yes, there have been many transitory acquaintances, but that's it. Even my wife doesn't know the real me. I sometimes wonder if I know myself! I am unable to put on false pretenses so I give away little which in my view are vulnerabilities. I'm ex-military and had the highest of security clearances. I was brain washed to offer information only to those who had a "need to know". I say "brain washed" but that is not the entire reasoning for keeping shtoom about myself. Since childhood I have had this problem of not reaching out. My mother called me a "cold fish".  Perhaps it's because I may have been left in my baby crib for too long a time? I was apparently a quiet undemanding baby (let a sleeping dog lay?)  I am the product of a hard workingclass disfunctional family, with a father suffering with nervous anxiety stemming from his trauma fighting in the south pacific island jungles during WW2. QED!

I echo the sentiments of Goosey and Def Leepard.

Although neurotypical friends might not always completely understand you, you shouldn't be left feeling as though you need to mask with them. I have neurotypical friends and although they might think I'm a bit odd or whatever, they accept me as I am (mostly).

As for feeling ugly, who says you are ugly? I think most people probably have some kind of hang-up about the way they look. You may think you are ugly, but it doesn't mean everyone else does. Also, there is more to beauty than one's physical appearance.

You have to love yourself first to be attractive to others.
They should not comment on your Autism, they should accept and support you.
I would question your defination of " friends ".
As far as Marrige is concerned, you really need to be in the right place to even consider it.
Get to know yourself first.
Great self-esteem will attract your perfect partner.
Best wishes.
Stay cool.

No that’s wrong.

You shouldn’t have to change who you are to make friends. Your friends should like you how you are and true friends wouldn’t expect or want you to be different for them. You deserve friends like those, not people who do want you to be different. You’re better off away from people like that.

And don’t worry about beauty and finding the one. You and everyone else are beautiful in your own way, inside and out. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as well. Try not to worry about it but important to remember that about beauty because that really is true. You are beautiful.

You’re awesome and I think you should spend some time here. Since joining I’ve found understanding, friendship and support, and now wonder how I ever got by without this place and the wonderful people that are here ^^