Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm struggling with my friends. I managed to get myself some friends, neurotypical. But they comment on my autism and my being different.. and because of that I feel like I need to be different. I've started acting different, masking I think it is, and it's draining me physically and mentally. I've been feeling ugly as well, worried no one will want to marry me because I don't look that attractive. I'm feeling particularly self critical now.
However you seem to yourself Diamond, you have always seemed lovely to us here on the forum.
Marriage will come when + if it comes - it took me until my 50s.
Life has a way of happening a bit differently for us autistic people.
That's reminded me of a thread I made earlier:
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/29598/life-stages-becoming-an-adult?ReplySortBy=CreatedDate&ReplySortOrder=Descending
When I was young I wished for things and now I feel I've got some of them, but decades after.
In some cases I never achieved those things, but maybe they would have caused huge stress and wouldn't have made me happy.
Other opportunities I didn't expect came along.
I hope that you have some good unexpected things happen for you soon.
My old boss used to say 'don't knock yourself as there are plenty of other people around to do it for you'.
I hope that this is a phase for you and that your self-worth increases.