Life

Life is hard it gives up on you but you should never give up on yourself. You are worth fighting for even if you can't see it at the moment 

Hi Black Heart. I’m assuming that’s your name? It does sound like you’ve hit burnout. I hit it as well in my final year at school because of all the exam pressure and it burnt me out. I remember it well and have done my best to avoid it ever since. It sounds like you are spending a lot of time focusing on the what if’s like what if you had a family or a job. Try not to focus on any of that stuff. For now focus on getting better. Rest is the best thing here and it sounds like you’re still putting a lot of pressure on yourself which will be slowing your recovery. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of trauma and it’s all got on top of you.

If you do have or can get a good therapist who understands then I suggest you do that as talking therapy can be really good for autism. I find that talking rather than taking medication helps autistic people more. All the things you want to do in life are possible, they might be more difficult because of your autism but nothing is impossible and it’s all within your reach. Maybe not right this second. But that doesn’t mean not in the future. For now focus on you. Rest and do things little and often. Try to get out in the fresh air, spend a few minutes in the garden each day. Don’t push yourself to do things though. Do things when you feel able and rest when you need to. Burnout is horrible and it affects a lot of autistic people. Rest is key. Take care of yourself and if you need to vent or talk to us here then please do.

I hope you feel better soon.

Peace.

i get similar thoughts. but for a man who its impossible to get a partner and cant find connections our other purposes our minds fall to is to fight in war. picking up one line i used on the clyde bot on discord when discussing it "without love there is only death. if you cannot love and reproduce for society you must war and sacrifice".

as humans we seek belonging, acceptance and contentment maybe also some sort of ability to prove our worth to the world and to be remembered perhaps, but humans are never content and always want more anyway so contentment is often not achievable. most people get belonging but out issue is we dont. 

Thanks lovely. It did help and I slept well so I'm glad of that.

Iain said:

You get the point - you are the only one holding you back so plan, get ruthless and get on with living those dreams, autism or not.

I think for me that's the hardest part because I'm aware of it but I'm just so exhausted that whenever I try to help myself get out of this I get nowhere and end up needing more sleep and rest.

I think I've probably hit burnout which is very unfortunate.

I don't think I've achieved much but I do remember my little sister told me I was a good sister to her and that meant a lot because I really did try my best to look after her.

Late diagnosis after 20 years of confusion and being different from everyone else. That for sure definitely hasn't helped me. I'm thinking what you've said is correct there's a lot of I haven't yet accepted and a lot of past regrets so it might be worth talking to my therapist again.

Thank you for understanding, that's reassuring and a big help in itself.

Your writing sounds sad. I have sometimes felt like you do. Perhaps you are forgetting what you have achieved and all the good that you have done. It is easy to do that. 

Acceptance is hard but a good thing. No more battling, pushing ourselves to achieve, but to enjoy the small but pleasurable things in life. 

Did you have a late diagnosis? It can be a lot to take in. Going through life not knowing "what is wrong with us", and to get to where we are with no support and understanding, i would say we should be proud of ourselves, love ourselves and embrace ourselves. 

So we see the world differently, we have amazing qualities, we are strong. We shouldnt underestimate what we have achieved. 

I dont know what else to say, but i understand. 

Nite nite  

blank space said:

I often think back to when I was little and how I was so hopeful and full of dreams for my future and then this happened and looking back I can't really see how

You can still find a way to revisit your dreams in the light of the experince of the life you have lived and make a very concious choice on whether you want to follow them.

I believe we are simple biological machines who are not part of any gods master plan of pawns of destiny etc - we are just a variant of ants in an anthill, doing what we think we should be doing for the majority of the time.

If you want your dreams, make the hard choices to go and win them. Is your partner dragging you down? Ditch them. Kids are harder to sort out but there may be scope to get your partner to take them on if your dreams mean enough to you.

Obviously some dreams are going to be difficult if they rely on you being fit enought to be a world class ballerina or beat Mr Bolt in the 100m sprint. So you need to temper the dreams with reality and decide what is actually possible.

If you want to be a bestselling writer, start writing - like today. You want to work for Doctors Without Borders - better get to medical school sometime soon.You want to climb Mt Everest - get training and saving for the fees.

You get the point - you are the only one holding you back so plan, get ruthless and get on with living those dreams, autism or not.

That's what you get for dropping a steaming existential crisis on us then signing off with "night all" LoL.

I hope that helped.  Sleep well and good night.