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Life

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over 1 year ago

I find life complicated. I also find it interesting and mysterious. I find it difficult and overwhelmingly annoying. I often lay awake at night thinking about purpose - what my purpose is. My purpose as a woman of this world. Is it to have kids? Get married? Work? Learn to drive? If so then all of that is gone, no chance anymore because I am wrecked mentally and physically exhausted from the trauma of the things I've been through.

So really my purpose is to exist but not really live. I feel like a computer that's on but not exactly doing anything. Every day I do the same things and nothing ever changes. I'm here but I'm not here, that's how it feels. I don't have anything to do with my siblings now but last I heard they were all married, working and had children. It kind of feels like I've been forgotten about and life is passing me by quickly. Everyone is living, growing and changing but I'm stuck on the outside looking in.

Strange though because I'm not depressed. I'm anxious as always but I am happy.

I often think back to when I was little and how I was so hopeful and full of dreams for my future and then this happened and looking back I can't really see how. Just one of those things I guess.Seedling

Every time I think of changing things and turning my life back round the exhaustion amplifies and I'm in bed for the next week or two.

Just my thoughts tonight. Thought I'd write them out and that has helped clear my head. Maybe now I can get some sleep.

Night all.

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    i get similar thoughts. but for a man who its impossible to get a partner and cant find connections our other purposes our minds fall to is to fight in war. picking up one line i used on the clyde bot on discord when discussing it "without love there is only death. if you cannot love and reproduce for society you must war and sacrifice".

    as humans we seek belonging, acceptance and contentment maybe also some sort of ability to prove our worth to the world and to be remembered perhaps, but humans are never content and always want more anyway so contentment is often not achievable. most people get belonging but out issue is we dont. 

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  • over 1 year ago

    i get similar thoughts. but for a man who its impossible to get a partner and cant find connections our other purposes our minds fall to is to fight in war. picking up one line i used on the clyde bot on discord when discussing it "without love there is only death. if you cannot love and reproduce for society you must war and sacrifice".

    as humans we seek belonging, acceptance and contentment maybe also some sort of ability to prove our worth to the world and to be remembered perhaps, but humans are never content and always want more anyway so contentment is often not achievable. most people get belonging but out issue is we dont. 

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