Online Dating

I totally understand your concerns about being understood due to your autism, but remember, there are people out there who are empathetic and open-minded. It's important to take your time and communicate openly about your needs and expectations.I'm sorry to hear about your past experience, but don't let that hold you back. You deserve happiness and love, just like anyone else. If you're feeling anxious, you could also consider checking out an agency for marriage. They often provide more personalized matchmaking support. Remember, you're not alone in wanting companionship and a fulfilling relationship.

I would probably disclose on the date not before.

I think give it a try and most importantly give it time. There's no need to rush so just take your time and chat to people, see how it goes and get to know them. If they are pushy or a bit meh then delete that person and keep looking. It takes time to find the right person. I met my now husband online and I'm so glad I did. We're very happy together, understand each other and we now have two kids together. I chatted to him for several months before we eventually decided to meet. So there really is no rush. Take your time, and remember to be kind to yourself.

I think you need an open mind, and to be realistic when using online dating apps. It takes a lot of time to swipe and remove the ‘weeds’. If you don’t like the conversation or they are pushy or rude, just delete the chat and move forward. 
When you create a bio, you could add something to suggest ASD. Mention you have a special interest, or that you are ND. Most people know what it means. 

If you’re anything like me, the ones you like the look of are ND anyway lol, even if they don’t know it yet!

Thinking of prepping for the date conversations - would you disclose your autism?

If so I would probably consider phrasing it along the lines of

I have Aspergers Syndrome - it means I'm on the autistic spectrum but have relatively low needs.

The reason is that my experience of social bias towards autism on its own is that they expect you to be almost non verbal and by using Aspergers it sounds like something more exotic and is likely to lead to more talk about it.

You are not denying the autism but defusing the social mis-perception and creating space to explain in brief detail without scaring the date away.

I know we should be autistic and proud of it, but you have a goal of finding a partner and you will be able to educate them as you go along, so there is no harm done. Hopefully society will change over time as autism becomes more understood in the mainstream, but is is not yet there.

If you don't want to disclose then you should give time to thinking about when would be the right time to tell them.

It’s a fantastic idea for a woman (see here https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM) the proviso being you will need the mental energy to do a lot of manual vetting and filtering on the men who contact you before you invest the time in a face to face.

Katy said:

Do you think this is a good idea?

It is a huge lottery unfortunately, but on the other hand it is the best way to find someone who is aligned with your interests or desires.

I would spend time looking into the reviews of the different dating sites as there are different focuses for each. Some are for hooking up for sex or whatever you are into, some are more casual dating and some are for trying to find a life partner.

Be sure what you actually want to find and go to the site best suited to you.

I would also send time learning a lot more about dating protocol as dates are difficult enough when they happen naturally but when you are going to one where the other person may have been through hundreds of such dates then you can struggle to understand what is going on.

If you are serious about kids then make sure this is discussed in the first few dates as part of the "what are your life goals" discussions - if the other person is really not into it then seriously think about using the "we don't really have the same long term plans for this to work" excuse and move onto the next person before you get too attached.

This will save a lot of pain later in life and since you are at the "shopping around" stage then it is best to get someone aligned with your ideals and plans.

This does not mean you cannot have some fun, mess around, do what you want to do for a while so long as this aligns with the other persons plans. You are only your age once so if you can, have fun, make memories and keep it in context.

If you are really nervous then get someone to help you prepare if you have a close friend or sibling. Having them nearby in case things go sideways during the date (eg the date is a jerk, you have a meltdown, you have an allergic reaction to the food or whatever) you have someone there who has your back.

Not something I would recommend for further dates though.

Oh, and remember to cyber stalk your date to see what they post on social media as they will always give a nice presentation of themselves for the date and maybe not show their misogony / racism / sexism that they may spew acros Twitter etc. This stalking is normal practice and can save you from dissapointment.

That's enough waffling for now - do you have any more specific questions about it? Hopefully others on here with experience can help out.

Online dating is a bit of a lottery, sometimes you win, sometimes you don't.

But you also need to consider whether it's worth it because relationships are hard work and very stressful. I've been in two before and I think because of my autism and anxiety it didn't work out very well. I've read how a lot of autistic people go through the same.

You should get a cat instead  they are loving and very much like children and, a lot less hassle, for me at least anyway.