Life is hard

Hi Katy, I am sorry to hear how difficult things are at the moment. 

Finding support is hard and the lack of services out there is incredibly frustrating. 

I hope you are soon able to find the care and support you need and deserve. 

Hannah 

Meltdowns are like sneezes or orgasms.

When one arrives, it's HERE 

Whether it's a big loud attention getting deal, or passes quickly and quietly, can be controlled with a bit of practice in either case... 

Now that you know and can come here and can see a bunch of Autists presenting themselves in this medium, you can can find and execute little strategies that were previously unavailable to you to make yours and others lives better. It's not all bad news...

The book I recommend in my bio will teach you the basic mechanics of how "friendships" work. Read it at your own pace in your own time and you almost certainly will have a number of "aha" moments that I found will help you manage people better. 

Essentially I've found that obtaining friends is about sharing activities and interests and also knowing how to treat people nice, both of which are covered quite well in that book.

I found after reading it in my twenties that my life improved markedly and steadily.

Reminder Rule 5

"Be nice to one another and enjoy chatting with others. We encourage conversation and respectful debate; please be aware that individuals may give opinions which are not shared by other members. Insulting posts or comments making personal jibes will not be tolerated.  "

I’m totally opposed to online based counselling over the internet, as this is part of the problem, not part of the solution, despite the fact that there are no or very limited services via the NHS or via autism charities and of those that are provided for adults, they are very expensive and/or require GP referrals, where post-Covid, it’s become almost impossible to even speak to a GP on the phone or online, let alone in person - then if you actually get to speak to a GP, it’s only for one issue at a time and only for 10 mins - even the religious bodies have stopped providing services like the priests and nuns used to do years ago - indeed there was once a time when “mental health issues” were dealt with by speaking to the local Catholic Parish Priest in many a village in Rural Ireland for example and this is something that we really do need to return to 

They could listen to me for a start. They don't even do that. That's obviously not because of lack of funding.

The main support I'd like is someone to teach me how to make friends. Some help with shopping would be good too. The NHS are supposed to help with both those things, but they don't even listen when I ask for help!

I feel like i have been swimming against the tide all my life. I didnt know why? I was told everyone struggles. Everyone gets tired. I was told i suffer with anxiety and depression. For me, It feels like a life sentence. Im stuck on antidepressants, wanting to experience life free from prescribed drugs. Im upset that the medical proffesionals didnt recognise autism in me sooner, instead of switching me from one antidepressant to another and still suffering from what i now understand to have been meltdowns, because i pushed myself like everyone else, and then i suffered. I know im different and not afraid to say it. Im proud, but oh my goodness, im so tired and its relentless. 

I like this idea, as after Mass, the traditional Latin Mass Catholic Church that I attend has a meet-up afterwards - I used to think that it was a Protestant thing, but it seems to be more popular not just here in the U.K., but also back home in Ireland as well 

An illegal immigrantt?

That's such a limited appreciation of the vast queue of people who have been prioritised over white working age heterosexual healthy males for the last fifty years... 

If I were a paraplegic with down syndrome who also happened to be autistic, I think some support would be there but then again [removed by mod].

NAS86592 said:

Tomorrow I will be attending ---for the first time --- an ASD meeting held in my local Library. You can't get much quieter than that!

How will you communicate? Braille? ;)

Good call though.

As a Jew, I wish not to express over/under tones of my beliefs on anyone and would feel uncomfortable doing so. Conversely, I would equally feel uncomfortable  in a social engagement within a church or mosque.

Touay said:

Does anyone have suggestions for quiet places to meet? 

Tomorrow I will be attending ---for the first time --- an ASD meeting held in my local Library. You can't get much quieter than that!

I think your initial premise is very relevant to this forum.

Are we Autists going to be a productive, leading, upstanding part of society, or are we going to present as  "disabled whiny losers"?

A few of us here actually are productive and helpful towards the others but a distressing number of our posts, are just needy and truculent in their nature revealing what used to be called (correctly IMHO) a "lack of moral fibre", which for some inexplicable reason is an attitude that has been gainiing ground across our society for fifty years or more now. 

I don't see the overall gains either in standard of living OR quality of life yet... Do you?

I hoped that we Autists would use our "social isolation" to obtain a point of view that is more reality based rather than derived from social programming, and perhaps band together to create a vision of a new world (dis) order based on rational and good natured thinking, but then I came here and realised that I was under an illusion, it was fantastic thinking, we aren't empowered as a group by our social isolation at all...   

Try not to guage my view in the context of the present economic situation we are currently in. My overview of the UK dates back to my initial observations since 1971 when I first landed on these shores as a young man..

I have witnessed many many years of a deterioration of self reliance in general terms both here and across the pond.  In answer to your question:

Iain said:

how do you think those of limited financial independence can get to the level of self realisation that you have?

I come from a Capitalist society where everyone is NOT equal, and to follow socialisms economic banalities is likely one of many other socioeconomic reasons leading up to the financial plight we are currently in---we are broke. Limited financial independence is a global fact of life.  Living within one's means is a very basic understanding of taking control for those of us who are not the needy in need. But this really is not the platform for such discussion.

To be very simplistic then:

You resent ONE group of people and he resents another group of people, so how will this resentment bring about positive change for all?

To put it even more simplistically, a society of people who are motivated to take care of their own needs, and when they produce a surplus, can trade for their wants, is more likely to survive than a society where everyone just takes from the common pot, until it's empty with no effort being put into production.because that is "someone else's problem".

The question is not "who's right" (that'd be too simple, the answer would be "me of course!") but "How do we make this work better for all?"

In my opinion this question has been worked for thousands of years, we just started to get a bit of an idea, then the devils minions messed it all up...

I may well be wrong however, but logic dictates either 50% or 100% of any two people who have different opinions HAVE to be wrong otherwise there can be no rational argument. And if I happen to be correct in my opinion, it goes against what most of the rest of you seem believe, and will be ignored, so it has little perceived value really...

I'm O.K. with that, until people start using force to prosecute their opinions that differ from my own...

I think a certain amount of resentment is a necessary force for positive change. We should resent those who steal from us and pollute our water to line their pockets.

We should absolutely not resent people because we think their input to our society doesn't make them worthy of any standard of living beyond their daily gruel, which is how that original statement reads to me.

What a fascinating question! 

I've been working the problem for a lot of years now, and the key answer seems to be found in Jesus Christs wisdom when he said "The poor will always be with us"..

Some people do have the moxy to be able to take control of their lives and prosper like the O/P and some people simply do not. 

The key to being happy, whichever group you find yourself in, is not to resent the other guys, they might not have YOUR problems, but they do have their own that they are struggling with and it's very easy to miss that..

NAS86592 said:

This nanny state we are in  rankles me owing to the creation of generations growing up with the expectation the state owes them a living well beyond the needs of the needy.

I've noticed there have been a lot of posts on the site recently where people want more support from the state  - do you think this is justified?

If not, how do you think those of limited financial independence can get to the level of self realisation that you have?

An honest question - I'm in favour of taking control too but it seems to be very difficult for many people.

Desmond79 said:

I weaned myself off overdependence, over the years. It isn't easy, but the rewards are there.

I learned at an early age to stand on my own two feet with a firm handshake. This nanny state we are in  rankles me owing to the creation of generations growing up with the expectation the state owes them a living well beyond the needs of the needy. Taking responsibility for one's actions IS rewarding.