This condition is cruel

Thank you

Thank you Sarah this is very encouraging

Hi 

I don’t think your experience is unusual for autistic people. I felt very isolated until I met my husband when we were both students. I have two autistic adult children. One has a small group of friends that they met at Uni through a Society - it’s a close friendship group and makes a huge difference to my son’s quality of life. They mostly talk online but meet up sometimes - and my son met his girlfriend in the group too. They are also mostly neurodiverse. My other son has massively struggled with social stuff as he also had selective mutism throughout his education. 
I feel there should be more places/meeting groups where neurodiverse people can meet up to form friendships and partners etc. Many of us want some kind of social life but find it hard to meet like minded people. Everyone on here seems so friendly and I feel it shouldn’t be that hard for local communities to set up social groups or something. I feel so many autistic people suffer loneliness and isolation which is such a shame. 

Please keep trying dude. 

I have long suspected i am autistic and my recent research means i am now certain. It is a suprise to me, the psychological difference between being fairly sure and being certain.

I would like to think that the knowledge that i am both autistic and dealing with the effects of childhood emotional neglect is going to help me move forward.  At the moment it has changed little. 

I have gone 10 years with no irl social interaction outside of work and my remaining relatives.

I am yet to be convinced that i am capable of meaningful or maintained social interaction, in no small part because i have no idea if people like me or hate me, whether they want me around, simply tolerate me, or are constantly dropping hints that they want me to f off.

While i know some are happy to be autistic, i find this horrible.

All i can do at this point is try to dig myself out of the dark hole i find myself in. 

I am trying. Exercise helps, eating better and generally taking better care of myself is good ... but the people who i would like to be more friendly with ... i just dont have a clue ... not the first idea how i am supposed to achieve that.

Find the next problem, fix that, then repeat.

There is a lot that is great about the world ... i just need some way to improve this social stuff.  Suggestions?

I'm sorry your first family weren't supportive to you. Sadly there's little support out there so it can be such a lonely place - but I see lots of support and love here its lovely I'm so glad I joined. It's comforting that we all understand each other. I'm going to start a video series about autism and what life is like with it I'm hoping it will help others in same place as us.

I get people who ask me:

Are you working? How do you support yourself? Do I get bored at home? Was i furloughed? I go home crying and anxiety gets high. Show them a leaflet about a group belong to and some understand. Ask me which ones i like to attend. 

Had family who weren't very supportive like going behind my back and trying to plan my future.

A local charity went behind my back and told board of directors they're concerned about my welfare etc. Also told me to stop emailing someone (i was thanking her for explaining what happened one day); made things up saying they will sign post me to another organisation. Plus making me go to my GP to get counselling. Then everything changed all a sudden due to covid being declared in UK.

Do what's best for you. ️

sounds like vacation time, have you considered going on holiday?
how about challenging yourself with those long walk hiking trails that take days and you wild camp as you do it?

i think how society has it, is that we are all supposed to feel inferior alone, as we are all but little tiny cogs in a larger machine. alone we are nothing, inferior, but each little cog still is important to the functioning of the overal machine no matter how inferior and small that cog is. a cog can be worn and tired and need removing servicing and greasing and derusting or whatever, this is often in human terms the form of holidays, spa days, resorts, massages and so on. retreats, long walks, time alone on a mountain to think and perhaps clear the mind or maybe to not think and just take the world in.

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much right now. Everyone here can relate, but sometimes the burnout can be more severe than at other times in our lives, and that seems to be where you are right now. Please don't think of withdrawal as failure. You need it like many NT people need the oxygen of stimulus, unending socialising, contact. Yes, making forrays into the world on your own terms is healthy, but the ratios can be a total inverse for what's 'normal' and you're still living the right life for you and your mental/emotional  wellbeing. 

I’m sorry that your family aren’t as supportive as you need Sarah. My ‘first’ family (parents etc) were not supportive so I understand how hard that can be. 
Thankfully there’s so much support on here - I find that so encouraging and it really cheers me so m7ch when I’m having difficulties coping with things. People on here really know what it’s like. 

That’s such a kind thing to say - thanks Sarah

It’s great that you have the support of your family. My husband is also very supportive and I feel very lucky. I also sometimes feel guilty however for struggling and needing a lot of patience and understanding from my husband. 
I think it’s important to recognise that we need to look after ourselves in order to do a good job of being a partner and parent. We have needs too and sometimes it’s easy to neglect those when we’re trying to do our best for our family. I’m sure your family understand so I don’t think you need to feel conflicted - the peace will do you good and benefit all of you ultimately. I think you need to recharge your batteries from the sound of it - and that’s really important. I hope you enjoy the rest of the day - don’t feel guilty for doing what you need to do to feel better!

You are a really lovely person.

Your children are so lucky to have you as there mum :) 

Heeeyyy Boaty. I'm sorry you feel this way at the moment. It's understandable and I do relate.

Lifeis hard,l autism brings a lot of challenges and there's no outside support. It's a gloomy lonely place to be at times. I was diagnosed and after years of keeping my head held high and a strong front I'm feeling the pressure now. It's a heavy weight and I think it's years of masking - finally catches you and hits hard.

But in your case you should be really proud of yourself - you proved you can do it and you have a supportive family who love and understand you and will stand with you during the stormy times.

You can look back on the good days and remember how it felt and remind yourself that your get days like them again.

Keep yourself busy. Do the things you enjoy like Kate said and I think really important, talk to your family when you need to. I know it can seem burdening but there want to help support you when your struggling and feeling low.

I wish my own family were as supportive.

Keep smiling.

You are doing really well and were all here for you as well.

Thank you so much for this encouraging reply. Yes, wife and three kids. Wife has been heroic in recent times in trying to understand and support but it’s tough for her, as this journey of mine hasn’t fully played out, making me very unpredictable. Meanwhile family life = lots of commitments and responsibility and I’m gradually losing my hyper-conscientiousness for these. 

The things that give me enjoyment are ever changing. Some are compatible with real-life functioning e.g. trips out with the kids. But many are insular/incompatible with my circumstances, many involve just being alone and doing a simple task/activity very slowly.

At this moment I’m outside, enjoying nature, but at the expense of work, so feeling somewhat peaceful but conflicted.

 Very tricky!

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s quite understandable- sometimes the effort of just ‘normal life’ when you’re autistic is completely exhausting, and we often feel like failures.

one positive I notice in your post is that you do have people around you who are supportive and want to help. That’s a very good thing - not everyone has that. So that’s something to be grateful for. 

Both myself and my two adult children are autistic and at various times in our lives we’ve found it very hard to feel positive about being autistic, because in many ways it can make life so much harder. I’ve spent a lot of my life ‘fighting’ to make life better for myself and my children, and often felt overwhelmed and felt like giving up. 
What’s the alternative though? Often I will sort of ‘crash’ for a while and feel very low. But ultimately there’s no good alternative to just keeping on trying day to day to live the best lives that we can. We deserve to be happy as much as anyone else. 
Are there things you enjoy that you can find comfort and enjoyment from? What helps you?

I find that getting outside into nature helps me a lot. Having a walk in the woods. Making a nice meal or watching a good film. Going on a trip somewhere - to the coast or a favourite place. And then hopefully after a while I can feel a bit more positive. 
I don’t think there are any easy answers - being autistic can make life hard sometimes. But there are some positives too. 

Do you have a partner? Or good friends? Are they understanding and supportive? 
You’re not alone if it’s any comfort. I think all autistic people feel this way sometimes. In fact non autistic people often feel this way too. Sometimes life just feels very hard, but usually, eventually, things start to brighten a little and we move on. Good luck.