I need people to smile, otherwise they dislike me

Atleast it's not a 13 year old thread

And i thought it was just Me with a sting in My tail !  
Ouch....

Please stop resurrecting old threads for no constructive reason.

Among other things, it hinders our ability to see new, active questions from those in need of support and advice.

Good points.

Your comments have encouraged me to narrow the threat of non-smilers down to ‘those who affect my security in terms of finance ambition emotions and personal relationships.

I feel like all I have is work as I have given up hope in personal relationships working out since I received mg diagnosis of ASD in 2018.  That is the main problem with diagnosis: discouragements of different types. 

The advantage of diagnosis is the recognition of what has been behind my attitudes for the last fifty-seven years.  

For example have come off medication for depression because the symptoms were those of temporary autistic response to sensory overload rather than depression. 
Diagnosis allows me to access real solutions because I know what the real problem is. 

I realise that it is ‘I need the people who provide me with an income’ to smile at me. 
When my boss doesn’t smile at me I get concerned at my financial insecurity.  

Who told you this is how all humans behave? Can you notice a difference between a smile which is resentful or sadistic or genuine?

One part of growing up, maturing, is getting our control issues under control. And when we have difficultly with social situations, it might be best to learn a bit about sociology or the art of interpersonal exchange. Refocus your actions on what you can do rather than place your life-force in the hands of others.

The bigger question here is the need for others to like you. How many do you need? What's a good number? Humans can only handle so many relationships; each exchange requires an amount of responsibility. 

While we all need affirmation and to feel a sense of connexion / relationship, dictating how everyone else should behave works in small doses for a 4 year old or for a dictator with an army (it sounds like you're aware of this). At some point we need to learn to give in order to receive. Or just give out of what we feel we have to give. Which might mean learning to find what I have to give and then the quest can change from trying to 'get' something from another which, I might misinterpret, to actually being someone who actively and intentionally has something to give. But next comes working out who to give to. Not just anyone will want to connect or even want us to smile at them. I can find it rather creepy when strangers smile at me. I'd rather others enjoy what's in their head and not demand to interrupt me from the enjoyment of my own thoughts just to 'give them a smile'. One must find the right type of others to invest into.

Change the question, to change the quest. And you may find you will change what you're worried about. I don't think your understanding of facial expressions is primitive. No one has telepathy. Don't trust a smile. Trust humans who have a synchronicity between their words and actions. 

It’s odd that I think my not smiling is fine - I have yellow teeth - but I don’t extend the same freedoms to others.  

I’m puzzled as to my injustice in not allowing others freedoms which I allow myself.  Surely true justice would be living as one among many, neither inferior or superior. 

I wish I could make eye contact to check this out! But I can see what you’re saying. People say that the eyes say a lot, but I tend to look at the bridge of peoples noses instead. Looks enough like eye contact from what I can tell.

That's a very good question indeed! Hyperempathy is not a typical allistic trait in any case. It can cause overloads when in crowds and requires training to cope with it.

I thought hyperempaths were more likely to be autistic. Many traits on our spectrum we have in extremes, so we are more likely to be either hypersensitive or hyposensistive, and the same with empathy, we are more likely to have too little or too much.

Hyperempaths do not need people to tell them how they feel, they feel it themselves inside like a mirror. Empathy at large involves emotional and cognitive aspects.

Very good point! When studying true and fake smiles specialists point to the eyes as a complementary source of information. A real smile involves both eyes and mouth whereas a fake smile is only on the mouth. It is very difficult to fake a full smile!

This is something I spoke about it my diagnosis too, so I can definitely relate. I’m starting to see that this isn’t always the case, but it’s hard not to slip back into my natural way of thinking. A smile certainly helps me to know for sure though. But it’s also difficult to know that sometimes people smile even when they are not actually happy with something. In that instance, not much is clear.

Annie said:

not all allisics people are hyperempaths,

I believe I am empathetic when someone tells me what they are feeling in an obvious way eg. they tell me or they cry.

As far as I understand it empathy is understanding a person's thoughts and feelings from their point of view.

Not recognising facial expressions and non-verbal signs isn't something I see as related to empathy.

It's the recognising that's the hurdle. 

I follow you, whereas allistics have a strong unconscious part making them prone to incoherence and delusions without even realizing it. As for the hypervigilance, very anxious allistics like under post traumatic stress also have something similar that but I am not sure they experience it in the same way either.  

I think because we don't do vague, we need to know, black or white about something. Also I think because of the hypervigilance we put ourselves through, we often don't know if a situation is ok or not so probably default to negative.

Absolutely but not all allisics people are hyperempaths, by far (a mere 2%), otherwise autistic people wouldn't have so much trouble. So I find it interesting to understand how people who are also largely blind to the emotional state of others deal with this aspect in a different way than autistic people do.  

It's due to autism.

It is the same with me although I tend to interpret someone not smiling at me as either they are unhappy or annoyed.

I am constantly asking people I am close to how they are feeling.  Not knowing makes me a bit panicky.

It's one of the 'triad of impairments' for diagnosis.

See below:

'Language and communication: difficulties in recognising and understanding verbal and non-verbal language, such as gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice.'

Smiling is, I think, the only universal clear welcoming sign. Others can be person dependant, for some it is standind slightly closer, for others watching you longer, for some it shows with a more relaxed body but none is really that reliable. Not smiling could also reflect how the person feels due to other things he/she experienced earlier. A lot of people are not fully living in the present so although when they do smile it is a sign of liking; when they do not, it does not necessarily mean they do not like you.