Mental health....not what I expected

I concur.  I didn't know what I did was stimming and masking until my daughter was diagnosed and I became intensely interested in the topic (hyper focus).  I think of Homer Simpson when the monkey is jumping in his head when people are talking to him.  I regularly zone out. :-)

I understand what you mean about having difficulties and being passed through the mental health system without any help specific to your actual needs.  I guess for me it's about learning to be honest about my true struggles and learning that anyone with these set of challenges would also struggle.  From reading your post and others it seems that we are all very resilient having navigated the world without complete understanding of our internal challenges.  I hope things improve for you from here on in.

I concur.  I didn't know what I did was stimming and masking until my daughter was diagnosed and I became intensely interested in the topic (hyper focus).  I think of Homer Simpson when the monkey is jumping in his head when people are talking to him.  I regularly zone out. :-)

Why not I thought that one was more or less a given to most. Being dipressed is a package deal with autism like a buy one get free bargin or a box of chocolates only difference is when you open the box of chocolates it's not chocolates just more *** to add on to your condition. I was assessed with dipression as a teenager. Later on PTSD  then a few years later after that they claim to the conclusion I was autistic. I kind of knee I was anyway but my dipression was caused by masking my autism. 

Yes I have asked for reduced hours at work to see if that will help me but the idea of going back is really causing me to feel awful.

Hi, thank you so much for your reply.  Yes I am on medication - I was on fluoxetine for many years (60mg in the end) but now I'm on sertraline.  My dose has just been increased to 150mg and I'm really hoping it helps because the anxiety is the worst it has ever been my whole life.  I just want to stay at home all the time - it just feels safer at home where I can just be myself.  This is going to cause pretty major problems in the new year though as I just don't know how I can go back to work as I can't leave the house alone.  I'm just so anxious when I think of seeing other people.  I may also give yoga a try at home in the new year as i cab do it at home.

Hope you're feeling ok.

Hi, my wife had a major meltdown about 18 months ago. 
she was signed off for a year.

She takes Sertralline  and Propranadol one is a beta blocker. She is back at  work now part time and still has a knot in her stomach most the time but she can function, I haven’t noticed any adverse affects to her.

You should be aware that beta blockers are emasculating.

Are you on medication? Just asking because I was very very suspicious of taking medication but I relented and I got prescribed something and surprisingly I think it is helpful. I'm on a low dose of beta blockers that I can take as and when I need. It doesn't stop me worrying about stuff but it stops me being physically scared so it's easier to be rational and dismiss the anxiety and do what I need to do despite it. Kind of a similar effect to  a really good yoga session, but it's hard to fit that in every day around everything else. Obviously everyone's circumstances are different though and it might not be appropriate for you.

Thank you so much for your reply.  It's helping so much just knowing that there are other people who feel the same as I do.  I actually feel that here is the only place I can be my true self.  I think lots of people around me think I'm narcissistic and attention seeking when actually I completely hate attention of any kind.  Thank you again.

The uselessness and low self-esteem have plagued me my whole life and I don't know the cause.  Its just always been there but.....since they've mentioned asd, I actually feel better about myself.  Knowing that there's a reason for my "weirdness" it kind of makes me feel better if that makes sense?

I'm also off work at the moment, due the anxiety and fatigue....which is probably burnout....still having bad days.....I guess its when you've ran out of adrenaline....your body burns out?

Hopefully your energy levels will improve and try not to be hard on yourself, we are all our worst enemies,always beating ourselves up.....try to see yourself in a new light.....that's what I'm trying to do 

Hi, I'm currently waiting for a formal diagnosis too (I'm 45) but I'm fairly sure I'm autistic - I've been through the initial access assessment and the lady agreed with me and although I'm relieved to finally have an understanding of why I have always felt like an 'outsider' or 'weird person' I am still suffering from dreadful anxiety. 

I can't leave the house alone - I need either my husband or one of my sons with me at all times.  I'm also currently off work as I can't control the anxiety. 

I'm hoping that the anxiety will improve enough for me to return to work, at least part time, but I honestly don't know how that's going to happen because I think I've told myself so many times, over so many years that I'm useless that I just can't get over this shutdown/autistic burnout.  I just feel so blooming useless and am struggling so much with low self esteem.  Sorry for the negative post.  

That is a wonderful response Dawn. Thank you.

It has helped me with thinking more deeply about my exhaustion.

There will always be chemical imbalances in everyone's brains. That's what stasis is for. It is why you eat food.

It is just the not knowing, and I was also told I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. 
we are the square peg, the outside world insist that we can be banged into their round hole or world. You have now realised that it’s never going to happen.

Excellent. I hear you and this site has a similar effect on me.

This is really weird for me with people with similar thoughts and feelings.  I thought exactly the same, but just thought I was alone in this way of thinking.  Mentioned it to some people who've said to me "it's just a label they put on you" but.......its more than that, its a reason why I've felt like this but not know why 

Thanks for the reply Dawn, I've been placed in many bins lol was told it was a chemical imbalance in my brain, that's when I stopped anti depressants and just got on with it....until I couldn't no more.  Hopefully things will look up now.  Some great info in your post, tha ks for taking the time to reply.  Means alot

I thought exactly the same as you, it’s just me who feels like this and as someone has said bellow, I also got put on antidepressants as well. 
Guess what? They made no difference.

It wasn’t till I joined this site that I realised the amount of other people who also aren’t mad, just different and going through exactly the same chaos.

I can honestly say that listening and talking to others on here has saved me. 
I had planned my exit from this world but now feel so much more positive.

Hi there,

Welcome to the club.  I'm always happy to hear that MH teams have picked up on one of us.  Sadly, the other scenario is my experience; they try and force you in an NT box and when that doesn't work, blame you for being that patient who doesn't want to help themselves and put you in the metaphorical bin, where some of us have been left to work it out for ourselves.  I am hearing more and more stories like yours, however, where some better trained and more open minded professional has spotted the signs, run the preliminary questionnaire and made the referral.  That'll save you a lot of agony down the road, I'm sure.

And as others have pointed out - you're just not bonkers.  All that exhaustion could well be autistic burnout; constantly screening out sensory interferences and constantly thinking our way through what others want from us, trying to keep up with conversational threads and all that is hard work, after all.  Try and give yourself some time out away from external pressures with the things you like to do, that might slowly bring your energy level back up.  You might also want to investigate the idea of "energy accounting".  That might also help with the exhaustion.

The "what next" should be an extensive assessment by the diagnostic team.  The process can vary depending on the team.  There are a lot of You Tube Videos done by people who've been through it which might give you some insights.  The "how long" can be a couple of years, unless you go private.  But, in the meantime, you might want to check out if Mind Adult Autism services are running any courses near you.  These are designed for the newly diagnosed or those awaiting assessment and will cover ways to manage some of the stressors.

And, of course, if you have any questions or odd musings that have wondering if... just throw them out here.  Someone will have some experience of it or have some suggestions, I'm sure.

Good luck with the assessment.

Roy said:

says it better

Subjective.