New here

it's all about time

if do not fill it up your mind wonders

if you sad atm it wonders into dark places

I liked Eve Online alot, the most complex MMORPG I played so far, but I couldn't find a nice guild, and played solo for 2 years on 2 accounts and solo it gets boring, I paid for 5 months only on 1st account, then you can use ISKs (Eve's currency) to buy gametime

I'm sorry. But it did not

How do you deal with your scars?. I went years hiding them even if it cause my discomfort. Like wearing a hoodie during the hottest days in summer.  This year I decided that I would stop that... But then my niece asked me what all the scars were on my arms.  How am I supposed to react to that? She's only 6.. :'(


I'm also nervous about relationships. Though I'm far from being in one...  But it's always something that's put me off trying. I have scar all up my arms and on my chest before I was able to stop.

When I fantasize about self harming. I sometimes mimic the act of self harm to try and "Fake" the relief thinking back to when I used to do it.. creating imaginary fresh cuts in new places. Is this a bad thing to do?

It feels like I'm scouting for a new area to cut. I feel like I'm going to start again. I already have scars, It's not like anyone would notice one more...
I think my problem right now is that I WANT the relief more then I care about having one more scar.


I'm trying to get talk therapy. Though I can only handle so many phone calls a week, I've don't feel like I've been recharging lately. I've been really fatigued, only able to handle a small something each day right now.  I'm trying to apply for some financial support right now. Hope that I can move out one day and create the perfect living space for myself.


What kind of medication did you try? I've always been so against medication. I hate the idea of side effects, feeling sick etc

It's a strange feeling. I thought everyone else also felt like they didn't belong...

I've felt so alienated by the world. That I live in a world that's been created for other people and I've been trying to force myself to adapt to it ASHDkoAOahjn:OAGO........ *Sigh*... sorry... Anger spike

Games Concept Design. Sounds a bit concluded but it's concept design for games. So 2D and 3D art skills. Illustration and sculpting. I'm never going to be able to follow it up though because I can't stand being in an office environment. I can't focus in one. University was difficult. Luckily we did our actual work back where we was living.
Though I do actually do game design and have been making an android game. Though I've not been able to work on it for months now because I've been too... broken

Exercise is probably the only kind of meditation I can do. Focusing on moving helps stay my mind. Though I do end up needing to pace for upto an hour when I can't push myself outdoors.

I've been trying to force myself to the mold of neuro-typical people. Day jobs etc. I think I'm done forcing myself out of my comfort zone. I'm going to focus instead on what keeps me feeling calm and safe for now.

But I thank you for your time to reply

I did play WoW but it was too repeatative and grindy for me. I got bored of it very quickly. I play more survival crafting building type games the most. Terraria, Space Engineer, 7 Days to die and recently Valheim.
I like the creativity of building and problem solving from building defenses and outsmarting the AI.

I love the idea of MMORPG's but they always fall flat and bloat out their gameplay with long traveling time and low drop odds. It's not about skill, it's about time.  I enjoyed the social aspects of them though. But Co-op Survuval crafting are the best.

I have to agree. I am trying to stay active. Though I struggle to go outside. I never go outside when it's busy unless I can stay in my car and send someone else into the shop.  I feel like I've been getting worse lately. I'm still trying to understand whats going on so I can hack my way out of it. I can feel so fatigued which I think I'm recovering from the last months meltdown episode.
I've been able to play some games lately which is an improvement. Though I wish I could get back into painting and drawing but that takes a lot more mental energy.

Strength training is easy because I can do it indoors is a small amount of time.  But I sometimes find myself pacing up and down the hallway for upto an hour at a time...

I'am sorry for the trouble your having.I being autistic +dd also knew that something was wrong growing up.

Being a mother I'm curious why yours thinks you should move out. 

Humans need community if even just our family or a small group. We aren't meant for total isolation, as per Erich Fromm's Revolution of Hope. 

Our working class leaves youth to suffer and propagates the working class. While those with more money buy their offspring houses or gift them castles, train them to take over their empires, so they just cascade into a job, without added worry, with back up, tools, resources, a sort of community. It's not perfect, but it doesn't perpetuate a cycle. And for those of us disabled by a functioning society, it's even worse. My parents left me to figure it out and I swore I'd never do that to my kid. 

I'm sorry you have to go through this. 

Ghost said:

I wanted to be a games artist it was my one big dream. I even got a degree. But the idea of working in a busy office terrifies me and I'm not even that good at it...

This is very interesting, though! I think most of these offices cater to ND individuals. And there are so many companies looking... From what I understand they can afford to give you a little space of your own (preferably by a window for natural light). It can't hurt to put on your CV that you're autistic. Or have you thought of building your own game? I may know a few music graduates interested in sound design for games.

u have a BSC in game design !  well done !

1. in Youtube look up self-hypnosis videos for anxiety and guided meditations for anxiety and/or relaxation 

2. also try some depression self-hypnosis/meditations

do at least one each day 

keep walking and running these are a type of "meditation by doing" so they are good,  as are the weights

basically u will have to fix yourself 

i not saying, dont get advice or support if u can get it everything helps ----- i am highlighting above what worked for me 

i stopped all alcohol forever. 

suicidal thoughts in my opinion are ok ( i can now handle them )

my self harm was removed  by self hypnosis audios over approx 2 years ( on anti-anxiety )   

----- self harm isnt a bad thing or a thing to be ashamed of. i see it as a positive,,,, just switch it to non-cutting. 

stay in work  no matter what 

stop all "kicking yourself in the a_rse" 

feel free to ignore everything i have just said

Hello, Ghost.  I'm so sorry you're struggling.  I suffer from ASD, ADHD, major depressive disorder, and some other crap that's not important.  I did live with my mom my entire life and I miss her terribly.  I'm not doing so hot without her and am barely able to take care of my family (hubby and cats) by myself.  Like you, I've lost many, many jobs, but am doing better with work after years and years of working with my psychiatrist to find the right medication for me.  It's seriously taken a long time and many medications, some that worked, some that did nothing.  It might be beneficial for you to talk to someone and/or maybe find yourself a psychiatrist to help with your mental health.  I was a self-harmer as well with constant thoughts of passive suicide but I haven't cut in almost a decade.  The suicidality is still there even though I'm on a plethora of psych meds.  I get the draw and desire of self-harming, but it's possible to stop.  If you ever need to talk, just shoot me a message and I will respond to you.  

online gaming maybe? I was pretty hooked up when I was 20, spending 14h daily playing WoW.

Though it is really tough when someone feels really down and nothing gives joy. I felt like that after my relationship broke for almost a year. I would say that staying physically active, job/training/cycling helped me survive until I got better more than anything else, staying at home alone was making me worse

I listen to audio books, draw, paint, play games, run (If it's not busy), Walk (Late at night), weights, I've gotten back into computer games lately.

They only seem to work for as long I do them. They distract for a bit, but as soon as I return to the world. Weights are good, they distress me for longer. I also like to sing and play guitar but I'm not aloud at home anymore 

You are not a loser or a waste of space! Please believe me on that, we are all unique and different. Thats why we are on here, because life has treated us badly and we dont understand why. 

As far as jobs go I dont think bar work is a good idea as an autistic person, there are alot of triggers there. I couldnt do it

I think find a job with gentle, understanding people. I work as a teaching assistant in a college and before that I worked with special needs children. I find as an autistic person one of the greatest comforts I can have in life is knowing I am helping other people like me. 

I have bounced around so many jobs though, I can never usually cope with one for more than a couple of months at a time and I have been unemployed alot

My current job I have been in for 2 and a half years and thats the longest ive ever done. I still struggle with it though. I am 34 and I was 32 when my life started to get better. Hopefully yours will too

Maybe try and make friends with other autistic people, there are support groups around and stuff. If thats not an option there is something else. I find that its easier to be friends with other people who arnt entirlely "normal" even if they arnt autistic. Like I dont think I have a single friend that I would say is a 100% "normal" person. They all have their own hangups which makes me feel safer about being around them. I also find women are sometimes more understanding than men, I struggle with making "normal" male friends

Anything you need to talk about just let me know. Im here!

Read the Desiderata Prose. It will help you feel worthwhile.

besides job, you could use a nice hobby to keep your mind occupied and use it to destress yourself.

reading books?

cycling countryside? in headphones

painting models?

Sorry. This assessment I was talking about was in response to the getting mental health support from the NHS

I don't think I've done a work capability assessment.  I've only just started taking sick leave. I've been off for one month now.  I just used to be on job seekers. I was trying to work from home as an artist but I couldn't make enough money so they said I needed to find work. I was there for four months. The first two months were 1 or 2 days a week.

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

It's good that you are having a call with the CAB. You could ask them about getting a WCA and they will know what to do.

I will. Thank you. I didn't know of this

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

I can't emphasise the importance of finding a local mental health charity near to you, and getting the support of one of their advocates. They will be invaluable when it comes to applying for Universal Credit and PIP.

Would this be better then taking someone I know?. I know I'll find it difficult talking to someone new.  Do they come into the assessment?

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

They can even help with your dealings with Housing. What I would say is not to do everything all at once. It could overwhelm you.

Yeah, I'm only trying to do PIP at the moment and It's taking a lot out of me.

Is it the local charity that can help me with housing?

I just can't make any progress. I feel like such a looser and a waste of space. No job, no money, no home, no fun. I can't break the cycle
People ask you about what you do or what you've done. I just. Hate answering that question.  Work is so stressful. Being told I'm working too slow or getting freaked out about the smallest things. Dealing with customers on a days where I just felt so numb.

I blanked all my co-workers for a whole day by tipping my hat down because I just couldn't deal with them that day.  I also have misophonia so working around people eating is a nightmare and don't even get me started on office spaces.

I did some shifts in a bar and pretty sure I have PTSD, some of the guys do "joke attacks" which I'm sure is just meant as light hearted playing around. but I got into full freak out mode.  I ended up having to ask one to not do stuff like that because I had an abusive childhood. It just.. kind of slipped out. Since then I've not been able to look him in the eye.. I hate that I can't be normal, that I can't be one of the guys. Needing to ask for special treatment. That people need to tip toe around me?

I just, don't even know what work to look for anymore.  I get overwhelmed and shut down. I struggle with sleep and then I struggle with waking up and then lack of sleep and stress magnifies everything

What kind of jobs have you done? Which ones did you feel like fit you the best and why?

Ghost said:

I should apply for PIP

Yes, that would be a good idea. The sooner you do, the better. Just make sure you take an advocate with you to the assessment. Don't go alone.

Ghost said:

I got sent for an assessment where she recommended I might have ASD.

That doesn't sound like a Work Capability Assessment (WCA) because a WCA is not a diagnostic assessment.  It is an assessment to see if you are capable of looking for work or not, and if you are, what level of support they need to provide you to find (and stay in work). Are you sure you have attended a WCA? A WCA is usually triggered automatically after a long period on the sick, but you can also ask for one yourself. Just make sure you take an advocate with you to the assessment. Don't go alone.

It's good that you are having a call with the CAB. You could ask them about getting a WCA and they will know what to do. 

I can't emphasise the importance of finding a local mental health charity near to you, and getting the support of one of their advocates. They will be invaluable when it comes to applying for Universal Credit and PIP.

They can even help with your dealings with Housing. What I would say is not to do everything all at once. It could overwhelm you. 

Hi,
I am so sorry you feel like that. I dont know what to say about the job situation as I have had so many different jobs in my life and have struggled to keep many of them
Im here for you if you ever need to talk. You just know you are a worthwhile person and no matter what anyone says about you you always will be 

Life will get better, I have been where you were and although I still struggle a lot it has got better

Hi Chloe, thank you.

Well.. my first post was over 5,000 words so I tried bullet points instead...  I've managed to stay away from cutting for now. I've moved anything that I can cut with far out of reach and out of eye sight. Though it's often on my mind. I've hit myself in the head a little... gently. But I mostly just try and pace back and fourth to tire myself out. Or exercise when I have space. I only have a small room in my mothers house and she doesn't like it when my stuff leaves my room. I hope to have my own space one day where I can play music, paint and exercise when I need to calm down. I feel quite claustrophobic and restricted here.

I've talked to them about it.  But I don't like that they put it on my record.  I usually have so much to say but the appointments are so short and there's only so much I can let out in one go. I feel like you need to get to the point so fast but it takes time to build up the trust to talk about some things.
I have talked to them though. They don't know that I feel like self harming a lot of the time. I also have a fear of being taken somewhere against my will so I'll downplay some things.

I just feel like every time I try and ask for help, for actionable advice i just get signposted elsewhere