New here

Hi, I live in Wales, UK

I'm going through a hard time at the moment and often fantasise about self harming again to release my emotional tension;
I can't even watch a TV episode without breaking down, I'm filled with so much anxiety and frustration

After calling in sick on and off for a few weeks.  I just accepted another 3 months sick leave from my job. I have a 0 hour contract and told them that I wont be back for a long time so they'd probably be better off finding a replacement. So I've probably just lost yet another job..

I can't hold down a part time job for any longer then 3/4 months without melting down, how am I ever supposed to become indipendant and rent or buy my own home? Am I destined to live with my mother for ever?! I turned 32 this year, I hate myself for not being able to cope

I've not been in a relationship for over 3 years. I'm afraid of even having a date, I think they'd be better off finding someone else. But I'm so lonely. I push people I'm attracted to away because I just go blank when I'm around them, Think they could do better, can't cope with the stress or potential emotional rollercoaster of a relationship

I feel so alienated by the world. nothing makes sense.

I only got told that I might have ASD about a month ago and after reading about it and listen to other peoples stories did it really click and I cried for about 20 minutes, realising that I will never have the life I want. realising that I will always struggle

I've suffered from neglect and abuse when I was younger.

I've been really suicidal in the past and self harmed and am worried that I might end up going down that route again.

I am trying to get support. But it's so hard, not really knowing how & having to talk about everything so openly. Stuff I've never told anyone
It's so hard talking to people. Once you say something you can't take it back...

Parents
  • besides job, you could use a nice hobby to keep your mind occupied and use it to destress yourself.

    reading books?

    cycling countryside? in headphones

    painting models?

  • I listen to audio books, draw, paint, play games, run (If it's not busy), Walk (Late at night), weights, I've gotten back into computer games lately.

    They only seem to work for as long I do them. They distract for a bit, but as soon as I return to the world. Weights are good, they distress me for longer. I also like to sing and play guitar but I'm not aloud at home anymore 

  • online gaming maybe? I was pretty hooked up when I was 20, spending 14h daily playing WoW.

    Though it is really tough when someone feels really down and nothing gives joy. I felt like that after my relationship broke for almost a year. I would say that staying physically active, job/training/cycling helped me survive until I got better more than anything else, staying at home alone was making me worse

  • it's all about time

    if do not fill it up your mind wonders

    if you sad atm it wonders into dark places

    I liked Eve Online alot, the most complex MMORPG I played so far, but I couldn't find a nice guild, and played solo for 2 years on 2 accounts and solo it gets boring, I paid for 5 months only on 1st account, then you can use ISKs (Eve's currency) to buy gametime

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  • it's all about time

    if do not fill it up your mind wonders

    if you sad atm it wonders into dark places

    I liked Eve Online alot, the most complex MMORPG I played so far, but I couldn't find a nice guild, and played solo for 2 years on 2 accounts and solo it gets boring, I paid for 5 months only on 1st account, then you can use ISKs (Eve's currency) to buy gametime

Children
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