• Replies 23 replies
  • Subscribers 87 subscribers
  • Views 4089 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New here

Ghost

Hi, I live in Wales, UK

I'm going through a hard time at the moment and often fantasise about self harming again to release my emotional tension;
I can't even watch a TV episode without breaking down, I'm filled with so much anxiety and frustration

After calling in sick on and off for a few weeks.  I just accepted another 3 months sick leave from my job. I have a 0 hour contract and told them that I wont be back for a long time so they'd probably be better off finding a replacement. So I've probably just lost yet another job..

I can't hold down a part time job for any longer then 3/4 months without melting down, how am I ever supposed to become indipendant and rent or buy my own home? Am I destined to live with my mother for ever?! I turned 32 this year, I hate myself for not being able to cope

I've not been in a relationship for over 3 years. I'm afraid of even having a date, I think they'd be better off finding someone else. But I'm so lonely. I push people I'm attracted to away because I just go blank when I'm around them, Think they could do better, can't cope with the stress or potential emotional rollercoaster of a relationship

I feel so alienated by the world. nothing makes sense.

I only got told that I might have ASD about a month ago and after reading about it and listen to other peoples stories did it really click and I cried for about 20 minutes, realising that I will never have the life I want. realising that I will always struggle

I've suffered from neglect and abuse when I was younger.

I've been really suicidal in the past and self harmed and am worried that I might end up going down that route again.

I am trying to get support. But it's so hard, not really knowing how & having to talk about everything so openly. Stuff I've never told anyone
It's so hard talking to people. Once you say something you can't take it back...

Parents

  • Hello, Ghost.  I'm so sorry you're struggling.  I suffer from ASD, ADHD, major depressive disorder, and some other crap that's not important.  I did live with my mom my entire life and I miss her terribly.  I'm not doing so hot without her and am barely able to take care of my family (hubby and cats) by myself.  Like you, I've lost many, many jobs, but am doing better with work after years and years of working with my psychiatrist to find the right medication for me.  It's seriously taken a long time and many medications, some that worked, some that did nothing.  It might be beneficial for you to talk to someone and/or maybe find yourself a psychiatrist to help with your mental health.  I was a self-harmer as well with constant thoughts of passive suicide but I haven't cut in almost a decade.  The suicidality is still there even though I'm on a plethora of psych meds.  I get the draw and desire of self-harming, but it's possible to stop.  If you ever need to talk, just shoot me a message and I will respond to you.  

  • in reply to amandariley

    How do you deal with your scars?. I went years hiding them even if it cause my discomfort. Like wearing a hoodie during the hottest days in summer.  This year I decided that I would stop that... But then my niece asked me what all the scars were on my arms.  How am I supposed to react to that? She's only 6.. :'(


    I'm also nervous about relationships. Though I'm far from being in one...  But it's always something that's put me off trying. I have scar all up my arms and on my chest before I was able to stop.

    When I fantasize about self harming. I sometimes mimic the act of self harm to try and "Fake" the relief thinking back to when I used to do it.. creating imaginary fresh cuts in new places. Is this a bad thing to do?

    It feels like I'm scouting for a new area to cut. I feel like I'm going to start again. I already have scars, It's not like anyone would notice one more...
    I think my problem right now is that I WANT the relief more then I care about having one more scar.


    I'm trying to get talk therapy. Though I can only handle so many phone calls a week, I've don't feel like I've been recharging lately. I've been really fatigued, only able to handle a small something each day right now.  I'm trying to apply for some financial support right now. Hope that I can move out one day and create the perfect living space for myself.


    What kind of medication did you try? I've always been so against medication. I hate the idea of side effects, feeling sick etc

Reply
  • in reply to amandariley

    How do you deal with your scars?. I went years hiding them even if it cause my discomfort. Like wearing a hoodie during the hottest days in summer.  This year I decided that I would stop that... But then my niece asked me what all the scars were on my arms.  How am I supposed to react to that? She's only 6.. :'(


    I'm also nervous about relationships. Though I'm far from being in one...  But it's always something that's put me off trying. I have scar all up my arms and on my chest before I was able to stop.

    When I fantasize about self harming. I sometimes mimic the act of self harm to try and "Fake" the relief thinking back to when I used to do it.. creating imaginary fresh cuts in new places. Is this a bad thing to do?

    It feels like I'm scouting for a new area to cut. I feel like I'm going to start again. I already have scars, It's not like anyone would notice one more...
    I think my problem right now is that I WANT the relief more then I care about having one more scar.


    I'm trying to get talk therapy. Though I can only handle so many phone calls a week, I've don't feel like I've been recharging lately. I've been really fatigued, only able to handle a small something each day right now.  I'm trying to apply for some financial support right now. Hope that I can move out one day and create the perfect living space for myself.


    What kind of medication did you try? I've always been so against medication. I hate the idea of side effects, feeling sick etc

Children
No Data